Announcements - How do you cope?

[JaneSmith8]

Hi,
I need some suggestions...how do you cope with pregnancy announcements?

I've no living childs and have suffered 3MC, last one just 1 month ago (and haven't even started testing)
Today in the office a colleague announced that she was having her second baby, around the same days I would have been expected to. During the last 2years I've always been pregnant at the same time as one or other of my colleagues, is just that I've never been succesful.

I feel horrible, not that I was feeling great before, but this announcement and everyone fact of everyone congratulating her and baby talk etc.... and me just being in this situation....I just wanted to cry.

Obviously people will carry on with their lives and will have kids, but how can you be happy for someone else when you feel so broken inside?

[ReetPetity]

It can be really hard. Especially when the dates align and they are a visual reminder of what could have been if life had forked in another direction.

It’s OK to feel how you feel. Do what you need to do to quietly protect yourself. For me, it was after therapy and group sessions with the miscarriage association that I managed to come to terms with these feelings. In my case, I felt so guilty for having ugly feelings alongside being happy for others, but after therapy I learnt some coping strategies, but most importantly stopped shaming myself for being human.

I’m sorry for your losses 💐

[VolvoFan]

Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry x It's hard, I know. I'm in the same boat. I have no living children either. I've been trying for two years and have had 4 early losses. The last one was an MMC and my God it was the worst thing I've ever experienced so far in my life.

You don't have to feel happy for anyone for anything, especially not if they've got something you've been trying so desperately hard for and they got it with relative ease in comparison. Them having children doesn't affect your chances.

I'm probably not the best example to follow because I can get really, really bitter on some days. Like I just flat-out hate people who have children, but I keep it in and put a smile on my face until I can get 5 minutes to myself and then I'll just sulk or cuss them out in total privacy. On my not so bitter days, I'll simply say "Good for them". On my very bitter days, it's usually "Oh eff you". It varies.

Ultimately, having babies, particularly these days is sheer luck, it's not as easy nowadays, the existence of fertility treatment is indicative of that in my opinion.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, I completely empathise 💐

[RWSS]

I've had a cp and am having a mmc. Both my dates would be same as two of my cousins, one mid June and the other mid October. I'm happy for them and pray they don't suffer like I did, but I'm sad for myself.

We can have our own sadness without taking someone else's happiness away.

We are allowed to be sad for our situation without envy of someone else's.

I pray we get our rainbow babies 🙏

[JaneSmith8]

Thanks for your kind words.
Sometimes it feels so lonely but reading I'm not alone and that we all feel the same helps. Is normal to feel dissapointment and a bit of..."why not me?" and there is nothing to be guilty about.

[Figtree11]

I’m sorry OP, it’s so hard. I was 1 to 2 weeks post MC when a colleague handed me her scan photo to announce her pregnancy. She would have been due the same week I would have been.

I took myself off to the toilet to cry. It’s been 4 months since then and I still struggle to be around her. I take myself off somewhere else when I hear her talking about it.

It’s so tough, and very natural I think to feel like this. Sending solidarity x

[confusedlots]

Oh it's so hard. I remember my sister phoning to tell me she was pregnant with number 3 on the day my period had arrived again. I knew they hadn't been 100% sure about trying for a third which made it even worse for me as I just wanted to have one.

I can still picture where I was standing when I spoke to her on the phone, and that sinking feeling when she told me. I just pretended to be happy for her and then felt the next few days feeling rubbish and trying to be kind to myself.

So no real advice sorry, but just acknowledging how tough it is. Look after yourself