Uncertainty after traumatic miscarriage

[Francescarae]

I've had a really bad few months, and would love to just chat about things/ look for strength, unfortunately we had to had IVF which was hard after 8 years of trying, we were so happy to have our embryo transfer on the 23rd of October and it worked we could not believe our luck and felt like we’d hit the jackpot ive never ever been so happy, we had 3 scans saw the baby’s heart beat 3 times, saw the mid wife, we were so excited but when we went to the 12 week scan on the 27th of December our whole world fell apart and we were told there was no heartbeat, I’d had a missed miscarriage and still had all my pregnancy symptoms but the baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks, I was devastated, the next few days were incredibly hard and I cried non stop, I’ve never felt emotional pain like it not even when my dad died who I loved dearly, I’m not sure if it was because the road was so long and I had to fight so hard to get pregnant. I wanted to miscarry naturally as I was worried about messing with my body or scarring as I knew I wanted to try again as soon as possible, I waited 10 days nothing happened so opted for medical management, this did not work so the EPU recommend surgical management, I they had an EPRC surgical at what should of been 16 weeks l, I thought this would be over with quickly and was calculating when I could try another embryo transfer as we have 2 in the freezer but things went from bad to worse, I nearly died in surgery due to an abnormal artery in my uterus that they never would of known it was there if it wasn’t for the pregnancy, I lost nearly 3 litres of blood and had a blood transfusion and spend the next few days on a ventilator in intensive care, they said had I of had a spontaneous miscarriage or the medical managment worked it would of been a different story and I probably wouldn’t be here now, they weren’t sure I would even come out of ICU, so I am grateful to still be here, but I am struggling now with the uncertainty, will I be able to do another transfer, if I can could I mentally prepare for that and put my partner and family through that, I have a follow up appointment with the consultant and the fertility clinic in 2 weeks but I’m feeling so lost and finding things hard, I’m 30 and just want to be a mum more than anything.
thanks for taking the time to read this long one xx

[Figtree11]

Oh gosh OP, how utterly traumatic. I am so sorry to hear what you have been through.
I don’t have any advice, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I hope you get some clear next steps in your appointment in a few weeks so you can start to see a path forwards x

[Francescarae]

@Figtree11 thank you for your kind words, I’m not sure if I will feel better or worse after the appointment but trying to cling onto the fact that surely knowledge is power even though I’m feeling hopeless right now x

[Figtree11]

@Francescarae yes i think thats the best way you can look at it. One step at a time. I am so glad you are physically doing better now though, what a huge ordeal

[Francescarae]

@Figtree11 thank you x

[Scrumpy10]

@Francescarae I am so sorry you have been through this with both the loss and traumatic physical experience. I hope you are feeling a bit better now.

I wanted to share my story as I have just come out of hospital after a similar experience and I am clutching for answers at the moment. IVF pregnancy, I went to the 20 week scan and no heartbeat. Measuring 17 weeks and 3 days. I had terrible hyperemesis gravidarum in the first trimester and finally I thought the sickness was over but the baby had died. I had to be induced last weekend, lost a lot of blood and ended up having a general anaesthetic in theater. The loss is bad enough but getting physical complicated makes it even more traumatic doesn't it? I don't know if we will try again. We still have frozen embroyos but we requested post mortem to find out if any reason. The post mortem can take 6 months due to shortage of perinatal pathologists and it is likely the results will be inconclusive. I have spoken with the clinic but due to late loss we can't consider next steps for months now.

I hope you get on well with your appointment with the clinic and you get to try again.

[Francescarae]

@Scrumpy10 oh my goodness I am so sorry to hear what you have also been through that is so incredibly sad, sending you so much love.
i find at the moment I am grieving the baby but also the future as there is so much uncertainty which is so hard, I’m scared they will say I can carry again but also scared they will say I can’t, such a hard place to be in and the waiting is so hard, I have my appointment on Tuesday with the consultant I feel I need answers but so scared of what they are going to say.
it feels so hard after IVF doesn’t it, we’ve already been through so much to even get pregnant. I’m here anytime you want to chat.
have they said anything about your next steps? How are you doing?
xx