Loss at 7 weeks

[rosenrot5]

Hello all,

Just needing support I guess. I've been bleeding for about a week, went from brown discharge to bright red with clots over the weekend. Contacted doctor and midwives and they arranged an early scan later in the week.

Tonight I had the worst cramping pains, and when I went to the toilet there was one clot that didn't look like the others... a definite loss.

Rang my midwife who said to go straight to A&E (UK) and they'd take me straight through. However triage nurse was absolutely horrible, said there was no point in me being there as I had an early scan booked in a few days, didn't ask if I was in any pain. My husband asked if it was possible to talk to someone and she replied "you could talk to a doctor, I have no idea how long that will take." So we just went home.

I'm still having pain and bleeding, trying to research myself what to do. Me and my husband are still very emotional, tomorrow we'll try and tell our parents about it, although they didn't even know we were pregnant.

This was my first pregnancy, and being 34 I sort of feel as if everything is against us.

I’m so sorry you are going through this, and for the lack of empathy from the nurse you spoke to in A&E. Can you contact your EPU first thing in the morning and ask for a scan tomorrow? I would just phone them directly and see what they say. You can actually contact any EPU that you are able to travel to - it doesn’t have to be the one closest to you (although that might be easier of course) but I would go to the one that sounds most supportive and is able to see you the quickest. 💐

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. As the previous poster suggested, try another EPU or call directly. Many who work for the NHS are diamonds, but burnout is rife and I’ve also had experiences during loss that were compounded by a total lack of empathy.

Don’t be afraid to advocate for your needs. Or have your husband do it for you. Also don’t be afraid that this is it at 34, many women successfully start their parenting journeys at this age. I did.

Wishing you all the best 💐

@rosenrot5 Firstly I am sorry for your loss. Please take time and be kind to yourself.
Your experience in A&E must have just been the icing on the cake. It was not dissimilar to the experience I received during my first MC except mine was in the EPU, A&E were actually ok. It completely put me off seeking their care so much so that my next two miscarriages I didn't even go to the EPU. With my 2nd miscarriage I phoned them as I was having pains and wanted an early scan and they were fobbing me off with all kinds of excuses so when the MC established I just never went in. With the third I had no contact with them. I mean how shitty can you be? If you struggle to show compassion under what I know are stressful and overworked conditions then maybe you're in the wrong job. It is inexcusable to be so heartless to someone experiencing something as harrowing as a MC.

As far as advice OP, I can only go on what I've experienced and read on here but you should be on the home straight in terms of the actual hardest part of the MC by now in that most of the larger parts should have come away. The bleeding can vary from light to mid period and unfortunately can last quite a few weeks (I've had bleeding for almost 4 but also bleeding for a week after MC) so most women on here, myself included, opt for thick pads (I use maternity ones ironic or what but they're the best). If you are still bleeding after 2/3 weeks and still experiencing cramping I would advise going to your GP, midwife, EPU, wherever you feel you will get treated to properly, as you may have retained products which could end up needing further attention. Not always though, even with retained products it can pass naturally.
As for how you are feeling and when that might start to subside everybody is different. Sometimes you can feel ok, pretty good in fact, other times you might just want to shout and scream others hide away from the world. All if this is completely normal and anyone who tries to convince you that it's not is not worth your attention. Cut them off. At least for the time being.

It really is a shitty thing to happen and most of the time there is actually no explanation other than the pregnancy wasn't viable. MC doesn't necessarily indicate that there's anything wrong with you or your DP. You are still young in terms of children Hun so try not to worry yourself too much about your age. Take as much time as you need to to process the MC. If you are still going to TTC then I wish you every luck in the world. It's up to you whether you want to try straight away or not. Most midwives advise waiting until you've had one period but that's mainly for dating so don't get too hung up on that if you feel ready straight away. It might help to track ovulation if you want to be more sure, me personally I found it disheartening and too regimented. There are many success stories on here from woman who have gone on to have children after MC and also what they have done when it has proven a bit more challenging.

Look after yourself OP 💐💐

Thank you for your reply. My scan is tomorrow (Thurs) first thing, when I booked it they said that was the first available date, I'll stick with that but I already know what they're going to say sadly.

@nearly8 thank you so much for this response, I was struggling to find out what I'd physically experience during my miscarriage, the NHS pages are so vuage, but yours has been so so helpful ♥️ But yes it does just feel like a period now, I've passed most of the bigger clots. I guess the scan tomorrow will see if there's any more tissue to come out.

My emotions seem to come in waves, I'll be fine trying to get on with something mundane and it'll suddenly hit me with the force of a bus. Me and hubby are supporting eachother, and our parents have been fantastic, the phone call to them was one of the hardest things after finding out.

I think we're just going to give ourselves time, look forward to little things like our holiday and see what comes next.

@ReetPetity the rest of the maternity team were so nice and understanding, trying to keep me positive. I think that nurse was in the wrong place at the wrong time, I understand the NHS is under such immense stress, I just didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with her... bullshit 😂

I think in future I will try and advocate for myself more. It's taken us 2 years to conceive so if we're still struggling I'll get help and won't be fobbed off. And thank you so much for your advice, it really helps ♥️

I experienced a miscarriage at just after 6 weeks. I was told by GP and EPH to manage it at home u less bleeding or pain didn’t stop. My bleeding happened within 24 hours and so I felt terrible and unwell as do much blood loss in such a short time.
it’s such a horrible thing to go through but give yourself time to come to terms with what happened emotionally and physically. Lots of hugs xx

What you've described does sound like a miscarriage. I'm so sorry OP ☹️ Hope you get answers tomorrow. Please don't feel like time is against you at 34. There's loads of women having babies well into their 40s that have zero complications. You're not even classed as an older mother by the NHS yet. Sending you so much love xx

I was once waiting in a&e aged 34 with a miscarriage and utter hopelessness followed for a few weeks. I also experienced some unhelpful comments. I thought I was old too!! A few months later I was pregnant again and it was all very straightforward. I kept mentioning my age at appointments and honestly nobody cared! They laughed when I said 34 was old. I hope you get your good news soon.

@rosenrot5 thinking of you today sweet. Hope everything is ok and that you can draw a line under everything and start afresh. A holiday sounds amazing - especially as I look out of the window whilst I'm at work and it's is absolutely pissing it down 🤣🤣🤣
Please keep me updated on your journey, whether good news or bad I'll be here to offer an ear if you want?

I'm so sorry for your loss. Did you have the scan?
Don't ever be fobbed off if you're pregnant and bleeding, even if it's very early days. I had what I thought was a miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks, it turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy, which is an emergency.
I always thought with something like that you'd get severe symptoms but mine weren't, in fact if I hadn't known I was pregnant I'd have mistaken it for a regular period.
I hope you get your rainbow baby soon

Thank you all so so much, you've all been so supportive!
Had the scan this morning, and it confirmed the miscarriage. They said there was still some sac left which would come out, I opted for a "natural" method. Well, 5 hours later I was in the worst pain of my life, I couldn't even speak I was in so much pain, back to A&E (who were actually nice this time) and I ended up passing the sac in the toilets there while I waited for someone to see me. Back home now recovering with a hot chocolate and I'm going to sleep for as long as my body will let me.

@rosenrot5 Awww Hun I'm sorry it was a more traumatic experience but also happy that you've got through the worst. Take as much time as you need for yourself and try to find something to smile about - even if it's something small.

Take care Hun and keep your head up 💐💐