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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Found out this morning we have lost our twins. I am broken beyond repair

17 replies

aimeeeleanor · 12/02/2024 20:52

Found out this morning that we’ve lost our twins. They stopped growing at 6 weeks but my body didn’t recognise it & has held onto them for a while. From pure elation & feeling so incredibly lucky to find out we were expecting two beautiful siblings for our 19 month old, to having both gone in an instant. So cruel

How do you deal with this feeling? I feel silly with it being so early - i’ve already had family members telling me ‘at least it happened now’ & ‘at least you have your other DC’ (who is unbelievably amazing & i thank my lucky stars every single day). I know they really do mean well when they say these things but I just want to shout at them. Of course I know people go through so much worse but it doesn’t minimise my pain. The future hope & dreams for our twins & family snatched away

I just feel broken

Booked in for suction (not d&c apparently) tomorrow under GA. I’ve no idea how I’m going to get through this. It feels so unnatural

So sorry but I just needed to release these feelings to not feel so alone. My Husband is absolutely amazing beyond words but I don’t want to burden him with these thoughts. I can’t help but feel I’ve let him down already. It hurts so badly x

OP posts:
Windydaysandwetnights · 12/02/2024 20:54

So sorry for your loss op. Quash those guilty feelings. You are in this together. Don't bottle up your grief. And encourage dh to do the same...
I lost my very first dc. And my last one. . Ttc is at times a bloody minefield... Take time to gather your thoughts...

Spirallingdownwards · 12/02/2024 20:55

So sorry for your loss. You won't believe the unbelievably crass things people say thinking they are being of comfort.

Take care and look after each other.

CrackersCheeseNoWinePlease · 12/02/2024 20:55

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had 3 losses in total but never had to undergo any procedure, I was also told at least it's happened now etc but it doesn't make it any easier to bear.
Give yourself time to grieve, reach out to people in real life that you can lean on.
Handhold from me ❤️

StrawberryEater · 12/02/2024 20:56

I am so, so, sorry for your loss. x

Denimdenimdenim · 12/02/2024 20:57

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's utterly heartbreaking. Please give yourself all the time you need. ❤️

listlovers · 12/02/2024 20:58

I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious twins, OP. Any loss can feel devastating, whenever it happens. I lost several very early on and people said things like “at least you know you can get pregnant now”. They mean well.
It’s not just the loss of an early pregnancy, it’s the loss of the future dreams and visions and plans. Take time to grieve your babies. You will heal. Sending love ❤️

BathsAreBliss · 12/02/2024 21:00

I didn’t want to read and run.

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I have no advice but please do talk to your husband, therapist, family, mumsnet, free helplines - don’t keep it bottled up. You have not let anyone down!!!

Sending you lots of hugs 💐💐💐

ellerman · 12/02/2024 21:05

Sending you love and strength.

MrsNandortheRelentless · 12/02/2024 21:05

So sorry op.
I can’t try to let you know how to get through this, it’s minute by minute, hour by hour really, at least it was for me.
Ive had multiple baby losses, desperately wanted baby’s, years and years of trying to only lose them one by one.
People just dont know what to say so they say stupid things.

I ended up after about 3 or maybe 4 miscarriages not telling anyone I was pregnant because a couple actually said to me “what, again!” Then carried on telling me something bloody mundane and meaningless.

You will get through it. You will. You have to, you are a mum. But take as long as you need.

Bookbeb · 12/02/2024 21:11

So sorry for your loss 💜 Twins trust are a great charity and have a bereavement support service, they might be a good support at any point in your journey of this, or if you'd like to speak to others who might have been through the same thing x https://www.instagram.com/twinstrustbsg?igsh=MW5jdHBlZGgwdGNibw==

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/twinstrustbsg?igsh=MW5jdHBlZGgwdGNibw%3D%3D

jellyfish2 · 12/02/2024 21:18

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your twins, nothing can prepare you for hearing that news. I had a MMC last week, same as you body still thought it was pregnant. It's the biggest shock and a whole mix of emotions. You're experiencing a loss and, it doesn't matter how early it is. Please go through all the emotions and allow yourself to grieve. I had the same surgery on thursday under GA and it was fine. It went as well as it could under the circumstances. I hope you're ok but please don't feel guilty for feeling how you are. It's the dreams and all the plans you make as soon as you see the positive test which is then destroyed in an instant. Feel free to message me if you have any questions about the surgery x

Honeypickle · 12/02/2024 21:20

I’m so very very sorry x

BussiBop23 · 12/02/2024 21:27

I'm so sorry, OP. I remember those early days and feelings after my loss. The gut-wrenching loss, the anger, and the absolute numbness.

It's a real grieving process, and it takes time. Allow yourself that. Talk to the people around you, I didn't talk for ages, but that only kept me stuck and made it even harder to process. The book The Worst Girl Gang Ever really helped me.

I promise, it does get better x

edel2 · 12/02/2024 22:59

I'm sending you love, OP ❤️❤️

nearly8 · 17/02/2024 10:03

@aimeeeleanor Firstly everything you are feeling is completely normal. It's an awful thing to go through and I know what you mean about feeling like you've let your DH down. That is the feeling you don't expect when this gets dumped on you. I have other DC too and sometimes the comments about 'well at least you can get pregnant' sting the worst cause you feel like you haven't done your part in keeping the pregnancy. However, nature knows what's it's doing and unfortunately for all if us in this shitty situation if a pregnancy isn't viable nature takes over.
I have felt all of the same emotions as you in the 3 losses I have had and whilst it doesn't make it any easier I think it's healthy to go through these emotions. Take time to care for yourself, talk to who you feel comfortable talking to and try to do something every day to make you smile. I am currently scoffing a BIG bar of dairy milk - cause I want to. Take care OP and do what's best for you in your situation 💐💐

WildWhirlwind · 18/02/2024 03:05

Hi @aimeeeleanor. My first ever post on here... I'm sending you lots of love and hope. I'm truly so sorry for your loss.

Hopefully I'm not taking away your experience but sharing that's the day (12th) we also found out we lost twins at six weeks. The first scan was at 12 weeks and I had no idea until then, when the external scan showed nothing and the internal revealed two sacs and something unexplained in both. I had many pregnancy symptoms. We were (and are) devastated.

I can't advise too much but I have absolutely leant on my fiancé, whether I feel he's burdened or not (which he's not). I just need the person I'm closest to. I feel you should honour what you feel you need, which is to have him listen or hear you get angry or 'irrational'. I have so many rhetorical questions for no one in particular, as I'm sure you do, and I just need to say them out loud sometimes.

Look after yourself and I'm very sorry for your loss. 💜

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