How was TTC after MMC?

[Junebughustle]

I should have been 10+4 today but had a scan at an EPU as I had some bleeding over the weekend - and there was no heartbeat and it looked about 7 weeks.

Firstly it blows my mind that it can still be there even though it's stopped growing. Secondly I've accepted some things I noticed - my fatigue was gone, I'd stopped having aversions to things.

I'm sorry so many on this board have experienced this, some of you a few times. This was going to be our first baby and I'm concerned that when we TTC I'm going to over analyse every feeling I do or don't have.

Any advice or experience I can draw on about how to manage this going forward without going insane?

I had two MMCs but went on to have a healthy daughter. I won’t lie, it was very tough! I already had one dd though and I was determined she was going to have a sibling (I used to regularly dream of her playing with a little sister which was like torture).

It was totally worth it. Dd2 completes our family and she’s such a character that she is the right dd.

I was also much more hesitant to believe in dd2 when I was finally pg with her because even though it felt right I just couldn’t allow myself to believe until she was in my arms. I actually felt dd2 move at around 10 weeks which was around the time the MMC babies had died and that little wriggle gave me a glimmer of hope. She is a wriggler.

It did take me longer ttc after each mmc too (for context, I started ttc in the August, had first MMC at 12 weeks in the November - saw heartbeat and healthy size at 8 weeks); next MMC was May the following year, I was in hospital for that on the due date from the first one) and then didn’t get pg again until the October for healthy dd to be born the next June). I did have tests for lupus and a few things in between but I think the first one was pure chance, the second I’d had a really bad cold with a really high temperature at around 5 weeks so I think that was that.

Sorry that didn’t really give any advice…. Listen to your body, if you need rest then rest, if you need to get active then just do that. I’m an active person and my attitude was that the situation had screwed up my overall life plan so I wasn’t going to let it screw up anything else so I kept all work and social engagements regardless; but most people said to rest.

Also, don’t be surprised at some lack of sympathy comments from friends and relatives. My dsis said “that’s nothing my friend is dying of cancer” and didn’t understand when I wailed “but it was my baby”. Some were amazing though.

Most of all, take care of yourself and believe you can get through it (I’m sure you can).

Finally, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Hopefully in a few years you’ll be here on MN advising people that it is possible to survive and thrive after MMC

I’m sorry for your loss.

Pregnancy after loss can feel like quite a rollercoaster. But each pregnancy is different, and try to separate out what happened this time from what may happen in the future. It can also be challenging because not everyone around you may understand the complicated feelings.

I’ve had five pregnancies and two babies. My second baby, I had the fewest symptoms of all the pregnancies.

It was so tough as my mind kept interpreting this as a “bad” sign, but the little guy was absolutely fine. He’s an active, bashy, lively little toddler now.

I wish I’d been able to relax and enjoy the pregnancy a bit more.

Best of luck

Thank you @ReetPetity and @ditzzy. I'm sorry you've been through this and it's heartening to know it doesn't mean the end.

I really do hope I'm here one day offering others hope and comfort the way you have for me. This whole experience has reaffirmed just how much I want a baby.

Hi @Junebughustle im so sorry to hear about your MMC. I also had one at 10 weeks a couple of months ago. Most of what I read online was that periods would come back within 4 to 6 weeks. Mine took over 8 weeks to come back, and I was seeking out how common this was by reading different threads. So if your period doesn’t return right away like mine didn’t, try not to worry.

It took a while for my HCG to return to zero (went back to EPU for a blood test as it was taking a while) I ovulated not long after. I’m just about to start my TTC journey again.

I’ve just ordered some books to read on how to manage my feelings, as I’m conscious of spiralling into obsessing over it, and I still feel down now. I’m hoping this will help. I also follow some instagram pages, such as the worst girl gang ever.

Good luck, and I hope things work out for you

Thank you @Figtree11, wishing you all the best with your TTC journey x

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, OP. I had a MMC and surgical management before Christmas, and we’re just starting TTC again now. Like you, it was our first pregnancy. My period returned 4 weeks after surgery, so I felt lucky in that regard (although having a period when you would/should have been however many weeks pregnant is hard).

I’m finding that TTC at the moment feels a bit like going through the motions - I can’t get excited/optimistic about it like I did before the MMC. My advice would be to take it easy and wait until you’re ready. I thought I’d be ready straightaway and was willing my period to come after surgery so we could TTC again, but maybe a bit of a break would’ve been good mentally. Equally, I feel that the only thing that will help me is being pregnant again, and the only way to do that is to TTC! So it’s very much a balancing act, I suppose.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. None of us deserves this and it's so hard to accept that one day you're pregnant and everything is fine and the next day you aren't and you're having to think about navigating all sorts of horrible stuff. I had an early miscarriage on Christmas day just gone and fell pregnant again just under three weeks later. I'm not at all excited this time round and I'm worrying about literally everything! In terms of the TTC part, weirdly it felt like a bit of the pressure was off because I at least knew we could conceive, which I didn't before. Also my partner and I get a real sense of closeness and bonding through sex, so it massively helped as part of the recovery process to be able to share that with each other again. Annoyingly I've been too scared to have sex since finding out I'm pregnant again because I had some implantation spotting and it really freaked me out. I think it's different for everyone and everyone finds it difficult for a few different reasons, and a lot of the same reasons. Groups like this help so much I find. Also there's a book called 'The Worst Girl Gang Ever' about life after miscarriage, including TTC, which I think is absolutely brilliant. Wishing you the best of luck and hope it happens for you soon xxx