Advise needed please!! Early miscarriage...

[newtoallofthis]

Please see the previous thread I started, but forgot to give a title to

I am really keen to hear about other's experiences of early pregnancy and what I should expect next?

duh...I am having a blolnde moment - I meant to say early miscarriage, not early pregnancy!

I read your earlier message and wanted to ask - has your doctor checked your tubes to rule out an ectopic pregnancy?

Hi PrePG,

During the scan the consultant looked for a long time, especially on my right hand side (It was how I knew something was wrong) but she didn't say if she could see anything. I also had two internal examinations at different times over the 3 days but again they said they couldn't see anything (The only thing they said was that my cervix was closed but I am not sure if that meant anything.)

Just thought I'd mention it - it sounds unlikely though, as your hcg levels are dropping.

So sorry about the EPU. If it makes you feel any better, mine's not been brilliant either. I had gone in for an emergency scan on Sunday and the doc on call told me that he couldn't schedule a D&C for me and that I would have to call first thing in the morning if I wanted to have it. Well, was transferred around to all sorts of people who were not particularly sympathetic. Had to choke back tears every time someone new got on the phone and I had to say 'I'm having a miscarriage' AGAIN. Not to mention I've been at work and had to find a quiet place to call on about 4 separate occasions yesterday.

Best of luck to you, I know the feeling of just wanting it all to be done with. hug

Hi NTAOT, joined you from other thread. If you are actively miscarrying, your cervix is usually open... just so you know what they were looking for at that point.

Oh PrePG so sorry you are having a really tough time. My thoughts are with you. Do stay off work or just tell someone you trust on the managment team if you can, they will not expect you to be there. Take care of yoursef.

Sairz x

Thanks SAIRZ. I took a week of work when I was in and out of the EPU but am back at work now. As I am not in pain & not bleeding, it seems easier to be 'normal', but still can't wait for a few days off over Easter!

PrePG, I am sorry to hear you are also having a difficult time with the EPU and sorry about your miscarriage. I know exactly what you mean about having to find a quiet spot to explain what is happening over & over again. Then walk back to your desk and behave normally....

PrePG, I've just noticed you here. I was on the October 2008 ante-natal thread too. I had bad bleeding and cramps on Monday, and a scan yesterday showed an incomplete miscarriage (I was 11 weeks), so I'm at home hoping it all resolves itself naturally and I don't have to have a D&C.

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with such insensitive medical staff. The doctor at St Thomas' told me to take 2 weeks off (although I probably will go back earlier), so I just wondered, are you sure you should be at work? I don't mean for the physical symptoms necessarily (I actually feel OK), but psychologically I would say you need to take a bit of care of yourself, hon. Of course everyone's different, and this is totally not a criticism - just concerned for you as I know I couldn't deal at work today. It was my first, and am I right in remembering that it was yours too?

xx

Hi Daisyj, I remember you from the Oct board! I am so sorry that you also lost your baby, hope you are doing OK.

The EPU told me I didn't need any time off work (?) and after a week off I couldn't bear sitting at home anymore, it gave me too much time to think!!

But yesterday and today I have been quite emotional again, so will stay home tomorrow and then enjoy the long Easter weekend. I am finding that it is getting harder to deal with, instead of easier though. Luckily work are really understanding. (My boss & one colleague know)

ntaot....I hope you have a restful weekend. If I were you, I'd do another test on tuesday and if it's still positive, call your doctor or the EPU and see what they say. when I mc'd at six weeks the test was negative a couple of days after I started bleeding. your body obviously still thinks its pregnant, and with the small amount of bleeding you have had, this might be because you have retained some of the tissues. Be alert for possible signs of infection like a smelly discharge, or sudden high temperature and feeling unwell.

I hope things settle down quickly for you.

daisy xx

Hi ntaot - sorry not to say hello earlier. Think my head's still a bit mashed. Sad though it is when people fall off their ante-natal thread it's kind of comforting to meet again - hope that doesn't sound odd.

Good for you taking time off when the stupid, gormless ( in case you hadn't noticed) EPU staff told you you didn't need any time. Honestly, what complete idiots!

I have a feeling that like you I will be less OK when the news has really sunk in. I was talking to my mum earlier and because of a couple of the things I said, she was saying that she though it was really important that once all the physical stuff is over I get answers to any questions I might have about what has happened and why (although obviously there isn't usually a reason they can pinpoint).

My main issue is that I almost feel like I was never carrying a 'real' baby, as there was nothing that looked like a foetus or embryo to see on the US.

Anyway, I'm definitely going to make sure I have a chat with the midwives in a couple of weeks. I only had my booking-in last Friday, but they were lovely, and are more likely to care about you individually and answer your questions than harried EPU doctors. Did you get to booking-in point yourself? If not then the GP or local hospital should be able to give you the community midwives number. Just a thought, anyway, in case you might feel the same way I do about wanting information.

Sorry about the epic ramble. Hope your weekend break gives you a chance to relax and take care of yourself. x

Thanks both Daisy's,

DAISYCal, thanks for the advise on signs of an infection, I hadn't considered that!

Daisyj, I know exactly what you mean about not carrying a 'real baby', it was exactly how I felt and still do feel. The fact that I still have the symptoms and the positive tests makes it even worse - like the whole thing was a cruel joke, being pregnant without the baby! Unfortunately, for me anyway, I think the initial shock is insulation against the reality of what happened and as that shock wears off it becomes harder to deal with. I am definitely at a stage now where I want answers...

I canceled my booking in appointment soon after the miscarriage (It was in two weeks time), that was a fun phonecall

I hope you continue to get over it physically and avoid the D&C, as for emotionally - just take it a step at a time...for me, it helped a little to realise that I wasn't going to get over it right away - but that was OK

ntaot, your EPU continue to astound me and you should definately complai when you feel up to it.

I was meant to have my dating scan the day after I saw the EPU when I had my first MC, and an antenatal appointment a few days after that. The EPU kept my notes and said they would take care of all of that for me, so that I didn't have to.

I'm for you.

Hi newtoallofthis, daisyj and SAIRZ - thanks for your concern (and thank you to DAISYcal for your message on a different thread). I agree, daisyj, it is slightly comforting to know that we were all on the same ante-natal thread. While I wouldn't wish this on anyone, I'm glad to know that I'm not alone.

I did consider taking off of work, but I feel better doing something to get my mind off of it - although I seem to be doing hardly that chatting about it on here.

I had taken Thursday off because we had our booking in scheduled for that day, but instead I changed it to a D&C (by the way, the EPU cancelled my booking in for me so that I didn't have to make the phone call). Have just been to the EPU for an assessment this morning and they did a scan to see the state of my uterus. Turns out the sac has already been expelled (which I did feel, but couldn't bring myself to look in the toilet to see what it was) so I'm through the worst of it. There's still some tissue left, but they've advised to let it pass naturally, and if the bleeding continues beyond 2 weeks I'm to go back. So I've still got tomorrow booked off and am going to take a mental break from the world over my 5 day weekend.

I've just seen your thread about how the EPU treated you. You need to write a strong letter of complaint as soon as you feel up to it about that sonographer. How dare he? What the %$£* is he doing working in an EPU if he doesn't understand that women miscarrying might be a bit upset?
I made a huge complaint to NHS direct about the way they answered my call when I had an infection after the erpc. It was probably over the top but by that time I was really angry (about the m/c) and channelled it into complaining - made me feel much better! Wait til the anger hits then let them have it!
xxxxxxx

Hi all,

I just thought I would update on my rather eventful last few days...

Last week Thursday, (Before Good Friday)I called the EPU and explained that I was still getting positive pregnancy tests and was still suffering from strong pregnancy symptoms, so they suggested I go in and have another HCG test.

On Thursday night, I got a phonecall to say that my HCG levels were double what they had been 2 & 1/2 weeks previously and it indicated an ectopic pregnancy. They wanted me to come onto the ward for observation overnight, while I waited for a consultant to see me in the morning.

After another phonecall (at 10pm!) with the gynae on call, it was agreed that I should stay home overnight but come in first thing in the morning.

After a sleepless night, my DH and I went straight to the hospital and met with another consultant (who was lovely and really open with us.) After reading my notes she agreed with the diagnosis of an ectopic, explaining that she would do an internal scan to see if we could find it so we could agree on the best treatment.

About two seconds after she started scanning...she grinned. I immediately thought: 'Cheeky - being proud of yourself for getting the diagnosis right!' until she turned the screen around to show a 5 - 6 week pregnancy in the womb!

To cut a long story thought..she thinks that the lab messed up on the HCG levels or my body is doing something funny, either way - she was happy to confirm that there was a sac, yolk and fetal pole measuring 4.4mm in the right place. She can't promise that it will continue to develop, I have a scan next week to see if there is a heartbeat.

She thinks my original pregnancy dates were wrong and I am now nearly 6 weeks pregnant (I should have been 9 weeks on good friday). However...that would mean I conceived at least a week AFTER I got my first positive pregnancy test? The other possibility is that I am actually only 4 - 5 weeks - meaning that this is a second pregnancy and I conceived immediately after the miscarriage. She seemed to think that the second option was less likely.

So now I am back on the yo-yo of waiting to see what will happen and am trying to get my head around it all.

Oh...and I will definitely lodge a complaint against the EPU. THe consultant explained that the extremely rapid drop in hormone levels which they used to confirm my miscarriage were physically impossible and should have been investigated further....

newtoallofthis what an amazing story! I have everything crossed for you - best of luck and sticky vibes!!!

Thanks PrePG. I am not sure how I feel to be honest? I am still spotting - so not sure whether there will be good news on Friday.

How are you doing?

OMG ntaot, that's fantastic

I do hope that things are OK and this little bean will hang on in there. Sorry you're spotting, but there have been lots of miraculous stories on here.

Wishing you all the luck and sticky vibes in the world.

and good for you for making the complaint. I hope you get a decent response from that.

keep us updated.

Thanks DaisyCal, it certainly is alot to try and absorb and (to be perfectly honest) my first thought was anger...that I had already grived the 'miscarriage' and now I am meant to be positive and have hope again!!

Hope you are doing OK?

I can imagine that you simply don't know what to think. But without wanting to give you false hope, it sounds like all the signs are positive. Everything in the womb, which in itself is great news as ectopics can be heartbreaking and dangerous as well. All you can do is hope and try not to get too caught up in the dates and the 'how' it all happened.

Am doing okay over here, I guess. Had a bit of a blow at the weekend when DH's twin brother told us SIL is pregnant. It wouldn't be so bad except my brother and SIL are also expecting. They're both our only siblings. Both pregnancies unplanned. Both have other children (my bro 2 and his 1 other - this would've been our first). Both due within weeks of when we would've been. So it's been really hard - on the one hand I'm really happy for them, but on the other the timing just really sucks and I'm feeling jealous and selfish and all of those rotten things and I hate myself for it. Had a huge sob fest on Sunday night, really surprised myself as it was a total breakdown, complete with half a bottle of jack daniels... But it was cathartic and DH was with me throughout, so feeling slightly better. Took my temp for the first time this morning to start charting again, so trying to look to the future and move on.

I'll be thinking about you this week. Hang in there.

Thanks PrePG, and I am really sorry about your weekend - one of my closest friends is also pregnant and due around the same time as I originally was. I know exactly what you mean about being really happy for them but also having selfish, jealous thoughts that you hate. I guess that it is possible to be happy for someone else while sad & angry for yourself.

Total Breakdowns are never fun but are an essential part of the healing process and I hope you continue to feel better. (And that the headache wasn't too bad the next morning!!)

Oh, it is soo hard when others around you are pregnant. I didn't appreciate this until I'd had my first MC and a colleague was pregnant at the same time and due just before I would have been due. She sent me a lovely e-mail though and it really helped my transition back to work (I'd been off for a month with the pregnancy, back a week and then off for another two weeks after the MC)

I had a complete meltdown after my 2nd MC...throwing the dining room chairs around and breaking one and then going to the pub (something I never do) and drinking myself into a stupor . It was a bit mad for a few days, and poor DH couldn't do or say anything, but I just needed to get it out of my system.

good luck for the next few days ntaot. I'll keep this thread on my watch list

Dear all,

Just thought I would update and bring this thread to a sad end.

Unfortunately the spotting got worse and I miscarried last night at home. It was a pretty horrendous few hours!!

I had a scan at the EPU today and it confirmed that I had had a complete miscarriage which expelled the embryo (Which I knew already from last night...).

I am doing OK, physicaly I am already feeling better and emotionally I am very sad but feel like I have already dealt with most of the grieving through the last 4 weeks. I am also a little relieved that the whole experience is over and I can move on.

I will be joining the MC Avengers thread in a few days, while I wait to TTC again - although I will be changing my name. I certainly don't feel 'new' any more

Thanks for all your support and good luck, sure to see you 'around' on the boards?

Sorry to hear your sad news. It has been a long drawn out time for you and so emotionally it must have been exhausting. HOpe you're ok and have luck conceiving again soon.

ntaot, I've just read this as I've been away on holiday. I'm sorry for your loss . I miscarried at home with my second pregnancy and it was awful. DH had popped out to the shops and met a friend and was chatting whilst I sobbed my heart out on the toilet floor willing him home. I couldn't bear to flush the loo and made him do it when he got back, so I really feel for you.

Once you graduate from the MC avengers thread, come over and say hello on Knicker checkers Anonymous thread. Lots of lovely ladies to bounce your worries off.

Take care xx