Missed miscarriage, how long did you wait?

[Francescarae]

We had IVF and were so excited to finally be pregnant, I found out at my 12 week scan on Wednesday that the baby had no heart beat and I’ve had a missed miscarriage , it stopped at 8 weeks 3 day’s, I had a scan at 7 weeks all was fine, baby’s heart beating away nicely, scan at 8 weeks 1 day baby pregnancy had grown and heartbeat was strong.

they advised that I should do expectant management and see if it passes naturally, I’m concerned that it’s already been 4 weeks since the baby died, just looking for advice really and to see how long anyone else waited?

thanks so much in advance xx

Francescarae, so sorry to hear your news. I can fully empathise with you since I had an MMC a very short while ago. 12 week scan exactly, measuring 6 weeks exactly. I was recommended surgical management because the embryo had been clinging on, non viable for six weeks and I think they were concerned about infection.
I do think that they are prolongly your pain by suggesting expectant management.

If you have some bleeding and or cramping to suggest that the physical miscarriage is commencing then fair enough but if not I think they could have offered you either medical management or surgery, ie, given you a choice. My embryo showed no signs of leaving my womb whatsoever at any point before my surgery, at which time I was 13 weeks, so it had been in there, not alive for 7 weeks!

I think, if you get no signs within a week that you might want to ask about the other options. Xx

so sorry for you too. Wow that’s a long time isn’t it, I think I will ask them about the medical management I’m worried about surgical management as apparently there is a risk of scarring but lots of people are fine.

I have had some cramps since last night but no sign of anything else, I don’t feel like I can move on as it’s still in there it really does prolong the pain, sorry you had to wait to long too.

did you find the surgery okay?

xx

I’m so sorry for your loss @Francescarae I found out just before 12 weeks I’d had a mmc and baby was measuring 8 weeks 2 days too. Initially I felt like I didn’t want to make a decision as to what to do next and as I’d started spotting I wanted to wait it out. After 4 days or so and no progression I opted for medical management which was unsuccessful and I ended up having surgery under general anaesthetic at around 13 weeks. I honestly wish I’d just opted for the surgery in the first place, I felt like I was in limbo for a couple of weeks and it made things even harder. Please don’t be afraid about enquiring about your options xx

So sad it happened to you too, awful thinking things are fine for all that time.

i will definitely ask about other options, was the medical management awful?

I started having cramps last night but still nothing, would of felt better to end the year with all this being over xx

I had some pain with it which was manageable, they gave me codeine to take which helped. I’d had the first tablets at the epu late morning and 2 more a few hours after at home. I had pain and increased bleeding for most of the day/evening, but then I woke up the next morning and was back to spotting. To be honest the mental aspect was the worst, I’d been told that some women don’t bleed as much so I was really unsure as to whether it was over for me or not. I called the epu after 48 hours and they told me it had likely worked, but after speaking to a friend and a couple of people on here I trusted my gut and called back. Went for a scan the next day and everything was pretty much as it was at my previous scan. It is meant to be successful in 80-90% of cases though. Have you read through the info on miscarriage association? I found their leaflets useful. https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Management-of-miscarriage.pdf
I was reluctant to go for surgical management but the doctor explained the risks etc and I felt much better after talking it through. I totally know what you mean, it’s such a dark time. Sending love and wishing you all the best xx

Yes, it would be good to at least have the option available.
To be honest, the surgery was really good for me. I had a few days of mild cramping afterwards but no bleeding in my case. I got a BFN within two weeks (very bitter/sweet) and my period came back a couple of weeks after.
I dont think you can ever really recommend methods to people because we are all so very different but I am glad I took that route.

So sorry for your loss. I had a private scan at 9 weeks that showed it has stopped around 6+1. My body just acted like I was still pregnant with no indication otherwise. I started bleeding just before 12 weeks, so 5.5 weeks before anything started and then I miscarried a few days after the cramps had started. I had to have surgery 3-4 weeks after that due to it being incomplete.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had 2 MMCs, and had surgical management for both. Physically it was an easy recovery, had light spotting for about a week after each time, negative pregnancy test 2-3 weeks after surgery, and period returned 4-5 weeks after surgery. I didn't want to wait. Both times I was given a leaflet which laid out 3 options - expectant management, medical management and surgical management. Your hospital should have given you the options not only said expectant management.

I’m going to call the early pregnancy unit tomorrow to see if I can either do the tablets or surgery as I don’t want to wait any more, 6 days since finding out now and it’s been hard, I’m also aware that the longer this goes on for the longe it will be before we can try again which isn’t the quickest anyway as it’s IVF x

sorry it happened to you too, I’ve now had cramps for 48 hours and this evening had a very little bit of spotting but that’s literally it, I’m going to call the early pregnancy unit tomorrow. Also had a bad headache today which could be a drop in pregnancy hormones x

I’m definitely going to call them tomorrow to see what else I can do, I understand that expectant management is more natural but I didn’t anticipate the waiting being to hard, dreading what’s to come but also finding it hard being in this place of being in between pregnant if tht makes sense x

I discovered I had a missed miscarriage at my 20 week scan a week before Christmas. They believed baby had passed several weeks earlier so I had a medical management on the 23rd as my body clearly wasn't going to miscarry naturally.

I know how awful this must all be feeling for you. If you go down the path of medical management feel free to send me a message as it the unknown can feel so frightening. So sorry you're having to go through this.

Thanks so much for your reply, that must of been such a shock.
I just really want this all over with now so I can try again with another IVF transfer.

I spoke to the early pregnancy unit this afternoon and they have booked me in for the medical management on Friday morning but said they might be able to do it Thursday, I’m honestly terrified about it and am really worried about the pain and also seeing the baby, any advice is greatly welcomed.

I didn’t want to do the surgical option due to the 30% chance of scarring as I really do want to try again.

im just so upset that this has happened, I also had the worst nightmares last night of the scan over and over again being told there was no heart beat. It’s so cruel xx

The flashbacks are horrendous aren't they. We were not expecting it at all as we had a great 12 week scan and thought everything was progressing as it should be. Was so excited to see them on the screen at that 20 week scan so to hear that there was no heartbeat was awful.

I was terrified about the medical management, not so much for the pain but more about seeing the baby and it being traumatic. Are you staying in the hospital for it or are they sending you home do you know? Because I was further along I had to stay in hospital which, although I wanted the comfort of my own home, I'm grateful for because I was offered lots of pain relief and I chose not to look at the baby when they came out and the nurses took care from that point. I asked the nurse to look at baby and advise whether they thought I should look or if it would upset me more. She recommended I didn't look but did take prints of baby's feet for me which meant so much to take something home.

I would say don't panic about things not seeming to happen for a while after taking the medication. Obviously everyone is different but it didn't happen until about 6 hours after my first dose (then gave me another one after about 4 hours) and I was getting worked up thinking I'd have to go into surgery but it did happen and quite quickly in the end. I was lucky maybe in that I had hardly any pain apart from in the 5 minutes before they arrived when I had really strong cramps and felt sick/dizzy.

It's a horrible thing to have to go through and my heart goes out to you. I've physically recovered now, 10 days later, but think about it constantly.

'Grief is just love with no place to go'

Sending hugs xx

That’s so sad that you got so far, will you try again?
thanks for sharing how it was for you, they said I will go in and they will insert the tablets and then I will go home and they will give me another 2 doses to take, it’s so scary but hopefully will be over with quickly, I have started spotting a little more this afternoon so I’m kind of hoping that something happens naturally before the medical management.

I’m happy you feel physically recovered I suppose the emotional side of it will take a while.

sending love to you too xx

@Francescarae So sorry to read you are going through this. I just wanted to clarify if you were told by someone at the hospital that there was a 30% chance of scarring with the surgical option? On the Miscarriage Association leaflet it says scarring happens in less than 1 in 200 cases so I don't think that's right. I found that it was a really good way of getting it all over and done with when I had mine last year, and I recovered very quickly. This is not to try to change your mind, but thought you should be aware that it's much safer and less scary than the statistic you've been told suggests. Hope it all goes okay for you, and again sorry you are going through all this, it's rubbish.

I agree with @AnotherStory23 I've had 2 lots of surgical management and the risk I was told of scarring was much less than this.

@AnotherStory23 and @moosey89 the hospital said it was somewhere between 20-30 percent chance of scarring, the dr I spoke to did seem a little unsure ive tried to look on Google and can’t find an exact percentage if it was low I probably would of gone with the surgical option but I’m being very cautious as I have already had enough issues with conceiving.
really worried about the medical management though too, i just wish this didn’t happen and the outcome was different, my heart hurts so much today the emotional pain I’m feeling is horrendous x