How often do you think about your miscarriage?

[BussiBop23]

Its been 9 months since my miscarriage. It was my first pregnancy and I found the loss hugely traumatic and a massive shock - I guess I was naive.

Sometimes I think that 9 months later I should be feeling stronger than this but other times remind myself that my baby died....so there's no right or wrong way to feel.

My question is, how often do you still think about your miscarriage and do you still get upset? I think about my miscarriage every single day and get upset several times a week.

I'm so very sorry for your loss @BussiBop23

For me it is now 17 and 10 years since my miscarriages. I do think about them from time to time. I knew a woman who was pregnant at the same time as me and when I see her ten year old I remember ( she never knew I was pregnant). It is usually more nostalgia and sadness than raw grief now, but occasionally I am still surprised by grief.

What helped me the most was getting pregnant again and having living children. That sounds bad maybe, but it is what helped. I became pregnant again 8 or 9 months after one of the miscarriages, so I know that, realistically, one of my children wouldn't have been born if the miscarriage hadn't happened and, wierdly, that thought helped me a lot.

My miscarriages were also early ones. I think later ones where you get to give birth and hold your baby must be extremely difficult.

Your baby will always be part of you.
I hope you find peace in time 💐

It's been 13 years since my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and the pain did lessen but I do have the odd dream and moment I reflect back with sadness at what might have been.

It was 1-2 years afterwards before I was fully back to myself. That first year I was a mess. I didn't know how common miscarriages actually are and the experience was traumatizing. I couldn't look at all the babies being pushed in prams on the street or baby items in shop windows without feeling gutted. It was so hard.

It does get better. I've had 2 more miscarriages since and the pain gets easier to manage.

My one regret was not trying again ASAP after that first loss. I can't help but wonder if things would have been different had we tried when I was very fertile after the loss.

Im so sorry you are going through this now and I hope you are one of the many woman who go on to have a rainbow baby after and the pain from this heals.

Mine are 20, 13 and 7 years ago- I think of them sometimes as in how old they would be now, what would life have been like. But it's not as often these days.
It was awful at the time. It does get better as you go on though.
I'm sorry

Mine was 4 years ago now, I think about it alot but I think that's because I haven't been able to conceive again and probably never will now. The pain does ease as time goes on.

It's a horrible thing to go through, I am sorry for your loss and hope you go on to have a baby in the near future ❤️.

I'm so sorry OP. You will always remember that baby.

My first pregnancy ended in a MC at 11 weeks followed by the end of my marriage a month later. That baby would be 27 now.

I've had DC since, they know they have a sibling that came before and they're 24 and 23.

Your baby will always have a special place in your heart.

11 years ago, and a fairly early one at 7 weeks. Still think about it fairly often, especially around their birthday which would have been in August and at milestones like they would have gone into Yr7 this year. I also found out I was pregnant on Christmas Eve so that's a bit weird too.

I console myself with the fact that if we had that baby, we would likely never have had DD and that would be the biggest missed opportunity ever.

I think Christmas is hard, thinking about what could of been. And also putting on a fake, happy front when seeing family and friends - I just find that makes me feel worse when I get home.

My two closest friends are pregnant and my Mum is unwell (and doesnt even know about the mc) so I don't feel like I have anyone I can really talk too. I asked my boyfriend last night if he still thinks about it and he said he doesn't. I understand and don't mind, but just wish I could stop thinking about it as I'm finding it so exhausting.

Thank you so much for all your kind words and sharing your stories - it really does help me feel less alone.

OP it's so hard. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. My first pregnancy was MMC at 9 weeks. I remember so well really not wanting to be around babies or pregnant women afterwards. I was very lucky that my next pregnancy resulted in DS. Like PP said, having a child after miscarriage was the most healing for me and the sadness wasn't the same. I've now just had 2 miscarriages in a row and it's all consuming (I'm 39 so could be age related). Much more so for me than DH as well, although he is very supportive.

One thing I have found very help helpful is being able to talk about it with people who've experienced one themselves. I've also considered some counselling for myself, that might also be a helpful channel if you're able to access it. Or calling Tommy's or Miscarriage Association to speak to one of their specially trained midwives. It is such a lonely and consuming experience for women so don't be afraid to reach out for support. You don't have to feel so alone with it x

I had 3 MCs over the space of 5 years of trying for #2. Until I eventually had my second I thought about them all the time, several times a day at least. Now I have my rainbow babe and probably think about them once a day maybe. DS2 has been insurmountable healing for me but I know everybody isn’t so lucky, sending love to those struggling still.

Every day. So many could/ should haves. The guilt of knowing it's my body causing this (I have had 5 or 6 consecutive mc). The pain of seeing everyone around me carrying on.

For me I very rarely think about it, it was very early and I almost forget it happened. It's only when I see something like this that I even really acknowledge it happened. I think if I was further along I would have found it very upsetting however.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had 5 and think about them all the time. Getting pregnant again helped x

Hi OP,

Completely relate, been just over a year (9/12) since my miscarriage and I think about it every day. I struggle so hard with it and before bed I always shed some silent tears. I thought I'd be much better a year down the line but I'm not.

I've tried speaking to the GP who said that they won't refer me to any counselling services as my MC was so long ago.

I truly think the only thing that will help this heart ache is having a baby as bad as it sounds. Hoping we get our rainbow soon!

Here if you need to chat.

First one I didn't really get over it until I had another baby. But I took CBD oil after 5 mon and it really helped. Just one dose but it really changed my mindset. I also was in a situation where I could have died. (Well not really but I imagined that if it had gone a different way I'd be dead. Like if a tragedy had happened I'd have been caught up in it but there was no tragedy and I was being way too dramatic). Anyway, that showed me that I did want to keep living my life.

Second one wasn't very traumatic for me mentally and I got over that v quickly and had another baby v soon after

Sorry you're going through this xx

Mine was 5 years ago and honestly once my son was born I was almost happy about it as if that didn't happen I wouldn't have this perfect little boy. Before that news torn up for about a month and then just sad for a year on and off

I've had 3 and think about them more than I think is healthy really.
I've never been able to conceive again after the last one so I don't have any children and in my 40s now I'm too old to conceive again now. I don't think therapy will help as it can't take away what happened but I'm pretty good at pretending it's fine so I'll just carry on doing that.
I think I feel worse for my partner than me. Knowing I can't give him what he wanted more than anything. I've given him the option to leave and find someone younger who can have children but for now at least he insists its fine and wants to stay with me regardless.

Seems like such a mixed bag of people who think about their miscarriages often and those who think about it less. I wish I thought about it less, any maybe I will in time, but for now it's never far from my mind.

I raised a silent toast to my baby yesterday and felt strangely calm. I do have a best friend who is pregnant who wants to see me tomorrow but I just don't want to see her. I feel bad about it but also know that putting myself in that situation is only going to make me feel worse.

I miscarried in August and think about what could have been every day. Sometimes fleeting, sometimes not. I feel mostly calm about it and rarely cry now.

I’ve started seeing a therapist so I can manage the grief and accept it.

Christmas has been a mixed bag. Mostly happy but I would have been in my third trimester now & nearly a mother. It’s tough.

I mc 5 years ago and it took us 2.5 years from it to get pregnant again. At the time I just got on with life and TTC so I didn't really feel sad or thought about it that much. It only hit me when our DD was born and I realised how we could have two kids by then. And now that DD is 20 month and I am too old for another pregnancy/newborn stage I feel my mc took a lot away from us.

So sorry for your loss, I still think about my loss over 30 years ago . It's something that you never forget nor should you have to . You've lost a part of yourself and your babies future so go easy on yourself and grieve as much as you need to

Im so sorry for your loss🤍

I miscarried with my first baby starting on 25/12/2022, i went and got checked out as soon as they could give me an appointment at the early pregnancy unit which was 29/12/2023, and that day i found out my baby didnt have a heartbeat and was slowly coming away, resulting in of course miscarrying.
Thats just over a year ago now and it still kills me to this day. I still think about what my baby would be, who my baby would be, and what kind of little personality my baby would have.
Its very normal to feel how you do. I hate looking at pregnant women and thinking why do they deserve to have their baby and i dont deserve to have mine.
Following on to 3rd August 2023, i miscarried my second baby and get upset.
I have 2 lottle boxes in the other bedroom what would have been the babys room and i struggle to go in to that room, i have to force myself in the room and when i do, i always go to my boxes and have a little cry.

Everybody is completely different and deal with loss very different no matter how long ago it was, it will still hurt as much as the minute you found out.
The only difference is you learn how to deal with those feelings.

Just remember your feeling are completely normal and that you will get through it, not that you'll move on, because you never move on from such a loss, but you will learn how to deal with those emotions. Wishing you all the best x