Just found out miscarried this week

[heavenlylily]

Hi all, have been on talk a few times but hoped I'd never be asking for advice in this topic. I was about 11 weeks pg and went for scan on tues. Had had a tiny amount of old bleeding and mild cramps that midwife had reassured was probably nothing so when told that there was no heartbeat and nothing recognisable to measure on scan was really upset. Have been told that cannot be sure when pregnancy stopped being viable so not sure how developed baby was but it was probably early. Now just feel really weird, like have become numb and emotionless about it. I feel like people are expecting me to be really teary but I can't help but just feel cheated out of 3 months and want to get this part over with so can try again. Whats wrong with me? I was really upset on the day but i almost feel that i have got over it too quickly. I already have gorgeous 1 year old dd and dh and I have talked a lot about it and I'm sure this helps but still feel a bit heartless.

Hi heavenlylily - I'm in a similar situation - am 99.9% sure I'm miscarrying this week - hosp think so too, and scan on Mon will confirm. We discovered this on earlier scan. I was very upset for a couple of days, but feel really quite ok now. I don't think there are any right or wrong ways of dealing with these things - your feelings are the right ones for you. Talking about it a lot will have helped you, I'm sure. You may find it hits you a bit when you start trying again - again, just talk openly and honestly if things get tough.

People deal with things in different ways. I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks and although I still feel sad occasionally, I now have 2dd's and have definatley moved on.
Sorry for your loss though and good luck trying again x

I'm so sorry for your loss heavenlylily . Miscarriage and how we deal with it is a highly personal and emotive issue. There is no right or wrong way to feel, and you shouldn't feel bad for feeling the way you do.

I've had two MCs, and from personal expereince these things have a way of catching up with you, and you may find it hits you harder at a later date.

It sounds like you have a lovely supportive DH; talking to each ither about it is definately half the battle in getting back to normal.

Have you been given the option of a D&C or are you just waiting for nature to take its course? Both of my MCs were spontaneous and complete, but I know from speaking to other women on here that the period between finding out you have had a missed mc and the mc happening can be a very weird time.

I'm sure others who have expereinced this will be along shortly.

Be kind to yourself, and take all the time you need in whatever way you need it to get through this.

{{{hugs}}} x

I think having a dc really helps - most recent mc (2) for me were much less traumatic than the 1st, pre ds... I'm not saying that I wasn't upset, or that I'm not still sore that i'm not currently pregnant or anticipating a new arrival in the summer - its just not as immediate or at the forefront as much as it was the first time.

You're not being heartless - please don't think that, but you've got other priorities - dd in particular, and that will help you to get over this horrid event.

Thanks so much for your replies, am sorry for all of your losses. It amazes me how common miscarriage is, think this makes it easier for some people to cope with. LackaDAISYcal, have been offered 3 options, including D&C, but have decided to wait for nature to take its course as have started bleeding more now and don't want risks of surgery. I also feel emotionally strong enough to wait things out, but feel some people are wondering why I don't want to get it all over with and have surgery.

heavenlylily, sorry for your loss

I think you are wise to let nature take its course if you can. Hope it all goes smoothly and you can recover and try again. Love to you and your family

I'm so sorry for your loss. It takes time to take it in. I had a m/c a couple of weeks ago and I was numb for a good few days afterwards and really didn't feel anything. I had to tell my DH over the phone as he is working away and it made it all real and the flood gates opened I couldn't stop crying. Now I'm moving on coz thats what you've got to do.

Good luck to you. x

Hi heavenlylily,
I am having 2nd mc this week, not as far gone as you (both were 6+6), but am letting nature take its course, as I did last time. I always think the body knows best People grieve in different ways, and at different times and as lackaDAISYcal says it will probably catch you at odd times, I know mine does
Take care x

oh heavenlylily, im so sorry for your loss, im not surprised that you have mixed feelings about it but it sound like you are coping (for want of a better word) you will feel up and down most days so dont be too surprised if it hits you later, i dont think i reacted to any of my mcs in the same way. im here to talk whenever you want and im thinking of you x