Struggling to know when to return to work

[Blackbook87]

Hi everyone, So I got to 12 weeks told all my work colleagues then while my husband was out of the country I started bleeding. I went to the hospital and was told it was likely I was having a miscarriage. Then on Monday I was bleeding so much I looked really ill and was taken to hospital again. During this I sent messages to work and got one message back from my boss but it was then totally silent.

My husband ended up going into the office to check what was going on. They said take as much time as you need and hope you feel better. I'd planned to join a remote catchup call but when I did started crying. I'd been feeling fine and had planned to go back on Wednesday. I've got a 1 to 1 scheduled for then. I've been off now for two weeks.

Anyone have any advice for knowing when to go back to work. I was surprised to find seeing colleagues on the call to be so upsetting and I would hate for this to happen in person where I can't just mute and turn my camera off.

Hi @Blackbook87
I’m so sorry for your loss 💔
I also found it really hard to know when to go back.
I ended up having 6 weeks off. I work in the hospital and couldn’t imagine facing colleagues and dealing with patients ☹️.
My first week back was tough, I found it really hard seeing colleagues too, and I cried a lot. Have you got a good support system in work?
I beat myself up for feeling so weak when I read a lot of people go back to work 3 days later etc. But don’t rush back if you’re not ready - take all the time you need and look after yourself ❤️

Thanks, my parents have passed but I have my husband. I have a few close friends but don't feel supported at all at work. It's an all male office except for one lady who can be very sharp. I'm worried how they will react to be honest.

I've had two miscarriages and had 3 weeks off both times. It's hard to say what the 'right' amount of time is, its so individual.
With my first miscarriage I had a blood transfusion and really needed the time to recover physically. Second time wasn't as rough but I took 3 weeks again anyway. By then I felt ready to get back to normal....sometimes getting back to normal can be healing in itself.

I'm sorry you've been through this, be kind to yourself. X

Hi @Blackbook87, I'm sorry for your loss and that sounds really rough with work. I took three weeks but my workplace was incredibly supportive; I worked from home my first week back and the first day I burst into tears as I felt so overwhelmed just looking at my email. Like PP I gave myself a hard time thinking about all the women who went back quickly but for some people that’s just what they need to do for them, there’s no right or wrong.

Most people at my work didn’t know as I was just a couple of days shy of my 12 week scan but I actually found the sympathy of those who did know was what set me off crying. I found it helpful to just refer to ‘ongoing complications’ and ‘hospital appointments’ (which was true in my case) as I found it easier to point to the medical angle rather than the emotional one. But it was actually the emotional bit which I needed the time for as much as the medical. Take your time and look after yourself.

My first pregnancy and miscarriage was at 11 weeks and my biggest regret was going back to work too soon. My dh pushed me into it, I think he was scared to leave me home alone just being upset. But actually the pressure of work made it so much worse and I kept bursting into tears. My hormones were all over the place, plus I was grieving. When I had my second miscarriage, I took a few weeks off. My advice would be to take as long as you need. Getting signed off by a doctor can help just take that pressure away, perhaps consider speaking to you GP and doing that? Sorry for your loss 💐