Late starter needing advice

[bundles99]

Hi,
A friend told me about this site & since I am going through my 2nd mc she thought it may help. I am 43 and feeling badly that I am running out of time. I went through my life always doing the right thing, never trying to trap anyone just because I wanted to have children. I finally find my soulmate 8 years ago, who at 3 1/2 yrs younger wasn't really interested in children. We discussed & negotiated and he finally agreed to try Dec 06. I had one period then fell straight away. Oh the joy. Stupidly it took me a couple of weeks to realise and then on the day I confirmed it I started to bleed, at 6+6wks He was useless (Aspergers makes him like an unemotional vulcan ) and said 'don't worry, wait a few months & try again' The worst thing was actually seeing my EDD written there after the scan showed it had gone. Like many threads I have read here today, that day was the saddest day of 2007. I had high hopes for 2008 and then 3 weeks ago I was late & the test said YES but then at 6+6 again I started to bleed. I feel wretched & useless. Spent Monday at A&E & EPU - sent by my GP & then another session being scanned Tuesday, amongst a room of pregnant women with orange files & pictures of their scan. This time my other half has been great, he is upset too but looking after me great. My GP seems helpful & has said he will refer me due to my age but I worry that 'rules' will stop him, that tests will take too long, what can I do ??

oh bundles99 am so sorry that this has happened to you both times. I had one mc before dd and it was devestating, regardless of age but I understand you feel under added pressure. Am glad your partner is being more supportive this time, take all the time and comfort that you need from it.

if your GP says he's going to refer you then am sure that he will, they can be quite sympathetic and each case with be treated individually. It may be nothing more than a simple blood clotting problem that they can fix or something that needs more investigation but take some heart from the fact you are in the system and they'll do what they can to help

you've certainly come to the right place for support and advice, the people on here are wonderful and will take very good care of you and give you brilliant advice

wishing you all the very best

Hi bundles, welcome to Mumsnet, I'm so sorry your first post is about something as truly awful and devastating as miscarriage. I think you've certainly come to the right place (as dizzy said) for support; there are many ladies here who have had/are having a smilar experience to you, we need to keep this thread bumped (to be showing in Active Convos) so they will see it.

My circs are: had 1 mc last year at 9 weeks (am now pregnant again) and so I can identify with the feelings of numbness, grief and emptiness that follows a mc. I already have 2 dses though and so am not really in a position to give you advice as such re testing, only support. I hope someone comes along soon with some help, I'm sure they will.

Sending you a big hug at this awful time, please keep posting xx

If you can afford it, then you could see someone privately to get all the clotting screens etc done.
My GP got more done for me off his own bat after 2 mcs than the NHS recurrent miscarriage clinic did for me after 3 tbh.

The good news though, is that it is most likely that your mcs are down to chromosomal bad luck (as they put it), as apparently they tend to occur early on, wheras things like antiphospholipid tend to be later.

I did take low dose aspirin during my succesful pregnancy, based on discussions with my GP, and at least it made me feel like I was doing something, rather than sitting waiting for it all to go wrong

Hi Bundles
Deepest sympathy for your losses...I totally understand...and you would think that hospitals would have a separate waiting area for people in your circumstances wouldnt you...I have had to sit with those happy expectant mothers several times knowing that my happiness was all over yet again...it is so cruel.
I didnt start ttc until age 40 for similar reasons to you, and my Dh was reluctant too buyt felt that my need for a baby was greater than his lack of need for one. After 5 early m/c (all due to a genetic translocaton I carry) and 1 late one (17wks, genetically normal but I had an amnio that triggered clotting..I was later diagnosed with antiphospholipid syndrome which they had missed previously because it was only a borderline result not completely positive)Only after that 6th m/c when I was crazy with grief did Dh finally come on board with support ...
Good news is my 7th pg, managed with junior asprin and heparin injections was sucessful and my son was born 5 months ago when I was 43yrs 6 months.
What helped me apart from the medical intervention was the MSN group "fertility friends over 40"..there is a "recipie" on there called Junes recipie, a list of healthy eating and suppliments that aims at getting the more mature body in top condition for optimum fertility and maintaining a healthy pregnancy which includes taking baby asprin...it worked for me and June herself who had a naturally concieved son just before her 48th birthday.

OOps ...posted before I added ((((hugs))))) and deep sympathy. Take good care of yourself.

.. and if you cant find FF>40 let me know and I'll copy down the recipie and post it here for you if you want.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. Had a funeral today - what a joyous week it's been at least we hadn't told anyone & it was ok to look sad . It's just a bit of a wait now until the next scan to see all has gone back as it should & then off to see the GP. Thanks again

If you need any support or just to talk, (it helps...well..it did for me)please dont hesitate...anytime...

so sorry to hear what you're going through. It was the same for me last year as I had one mc at 7.5 weeks in Feb 07 and then another one at 6 weeks in April 07.

I got really desperate but had the day 21 test done; the results of which put my mind at rest as nothing was aparently wrong.

The good news is I got pg in Sept and am now 6.5 months.

It may not feel like it now, but give yourself a rest, have the day 21 test done and concentrate on relaxing and it'll all come good. Early miscarriages are pretty common and as CMOT says, they are less likely to mean something is wrong.

good luck. xx

Thanks Sorry to sound dim but what is the day 21 test ?