I need a hand hold

[Igglepiggleandhisboat]

Hi
I went for another scan today (had lots already due to high risk) I’m 9 1/2 weeks. The baby’s heart has stopped 😢
I’ve had no sign that this had happened and baby had stopped growing about two weeks ago which must have been just after last scan.
Im absolutely distraught. It’s so cruel to still have such strong pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness.
I was in a bit of a state so the hospital have given me the choice of:

1. wait and see if I start to miscarry naturally.
2. take the tablets
3. have the surgical procedure

can anyone share their experiences with me? My head is spinning and DH is equally upset and I need to know what others have done.

this is so cruel :(

**I was in a bit of a state so the hospital sent me home and have given me the choice of

sorry head is all over the place so lots of typos!

I’m so sorry that you have experienced this, I had a similar experience in April. I opted for tablets and had a positive experience but spent many hours on here reading the experiences of others. Whatever you choose, I hope your recovery goes well and you have great support. Take it easy xx

Thank you.
I feel all over the place. I’m still having morning sickness and other symptoms which is so cruel :(

I'm so sorry, it's such an awful thing to happen and so cruel to still experience symptoms.

Like the PP, I also had a 'positive' experience with the pills. I was 10 weeks and baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks, so quite similar to you. I felt like I was at least in a bit of control and to be honest I just wanted it over and done with. If I opted for the surgery I would have had to wait a week. I had a natural miscarriage previous to this and it was much more painful and longer lasting.

Take care of yourself xxx

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

I chose the MVA (surgical management under local anaesthetic. I had already has 1 previous MC (not missed MC) and this time I wanted to know when I could draw a line under things physically to get in with the hormonal and emotional recovery.

It's not a case of right or wrong options.

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's a terrible thing to go through.

I had a similar loss and chose a procedure. I had to wait two days, but I found it very straightforward and predicable whereas I wasn't sure about waiting for it to begin with medication

I'm so very sorry for your loss. The same happened to me a week ago - also 9 weeks and no heartbeat at the scan. Still had symptoms too, it's very cruel as you say. You must be devastated, I am sorry.

I had the surgical management on Thursday, and all has gone well. I've unfortunately had it before, so I knew what to expect. You are a bit sore for a few days after, they gave me codeine for that. For me, I preferred the speed and 'control' with the surgery i.e. knowing when and what to expect. I was able to have it in two days though, I previously had to wait two weeks, which was very hard. You will still bleed afterwards, though, that can last 1-2 weeks.

Please try and take care of yourself, its a very emotional time xx

Thank you.
I know it’s stupid but I keep thinking it must be a mistake! 😢

@Igglepiggleandhisboat I’m so sorry for your loss. I really empathise with what you’re saying about feeling it must be a mistake; I found it helpful when I went back to the hospital to watch while they scanned so I could be sure, even though I knew they were right. I chose medical management so I could be at home and because I sort of felt like it would help me if I could be in physical as well as emotional pain. As PP have said, there’s no right or wrong choice and everyone is different. Take your time and be gentle with yourself. It’s very hard.

@Igglepiggleandhisboat I'm so sorry for your loss - it's a lot to comprehend so be gentle with yourself and take your time over digesting your options and deciding what you want to do. When I had my MC in September the EGU gave me some leaflets from the Miscarriage Association that explained the different options and those were really useful in explaining the facts and how each method of management works - they are available online so I would recommend looking them up.

I opted for surgical management, for a few reasons:

1. It's the method with the highest success rate - medical management only works fully about 85% of the time and I didn't want to be in the 15% who have retained products and need more treatment.
2. I didn't want the trauma of miscarrying at home - I was afraid of the pain and bleeding, I didn't want to associate my home with that experience and I didn't want my husband to have to see me going through it and be unable to help.
3. I wanted to know it was "over" and be able to start moving on - I was able to have surgery the day after my confirmatory scan so the physical process was at least done with quickly.

Two months on and I'm certain I made the right choice - I found the experience very distressing but I think any experience of managing a miscarriage is going to feel like that. The procedure itself (mine was under general anaesthetic) went according to plan and I only needed minimal recovery time - I had very little physical discomfort afterwards and only bled for about 3 days or so.

Hi, firstly, I'm very sorry for your loss. I also had a MMC at the beginning of this month and no words can comprehend how you feel. I felt the same, that it must have been a mistake but I also knew in my heart that they were right. DH was in pieces bless him and I broke down at home.

I originally chose the natural method, more because I was so in shock and couldn't understand what OB was saying. I went back in around 5 days later to ask for the medical procedure but discovered through the vaginal scan that I passed everything and just some blood clots remain. Got the all clear yesterday and we are TTC again.

My experience naturally was actually not too bad, just some cramping mainly for one or two days and for me I didn't feel that the flow was too bad either but everyones experiences are different.

I would suggest for you to think on it and think about choosing the right method, that is best for you at this point in time. There is no right or wrong answer.

Again, I'm sorry your going through this, I always thought a MC wouldn't happen to me, but I've learnt that time is a healer and don't be so hard on yourself, you did a great job... sending lots of hugs! 🥰 🤗

So very sorry you are having this experience. I had this too, very recently. Found out at 12 week scan that embryo had no heartbeat and was only 6.2 weeks. It is a terrible shock, I know. Like you and others I still had all the usual pregnancy symptoms and had no idea that anything was wrong! My body did not seem remotely keen to expel the pregnancy and I opted for surgical management, which the hospital was keen to do anyway, due to the length of time that the pregnancy had stayed put after the embryonic demise.
I was booked in a couple of days later and tge surgery worked well for me. I had a few cramps and a little bleeding for a day or two but nothing major and within two weeks I had the bitter/sweet negative pregnancy test result so I knew they had got everything.

The emotional pain is far worse than the physical and I too could not actually believe it had happened. If I am honest, I am still a little angry that the system only normally allows for a first scan at around 12 weeks. Whilst I realise that anything can go wrong at any time it does seem a long time to wait to be told that the pregnancy was lost almost before it got started and I will be having more early scans next time.

As others have said, how you deal with this now is a matter of what you personally feel will work best for you but I do know that I and others on here are feeling your pain and wishing you strength to move through this and forwards both physically and mentally xx

When this happened to me I went for the surgical method due to the same reasons as cluelessininlondon above.
The thought of doing tablets, and from friends experiences being in pain (although you can maybe ask to stay in and maybe get proper pain killers) at home was not nice. Also the risk of it not all coming out and THEN needing surgical was too much of a risk for me.
My hospital said natural wasn’t recommended due to how long (9 to 12 weeks) that it had already been. Also from friends who had miscarriages at that age I did not want their experience of seeing the baby pass.
looking back it was the best decision for me. Also I just wanted to try to grieve,move on and try get pregnant again. I didn’t want it dragging on any longer. I felt safer being in the hospital.
So I guess I’d say do what feels most comfortable for you in the most awful situation x

Morning @Igglepiggleandhisboat been thinking about you, hope you’re ok as can be xx

Thank you. It’s just so awful. I’m in denial at the moment 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Igglepiggleandhisboat thats completely understandable, I was the same. It’s a lot to process and such a hard time for you. You’re not alone - hope you can take it easy today x