Struggling in run up to Christmas

[PinkRoses1245]

I had a very sudden loss at 12 weeks earlier this year (first pregnancy), it happened so fast and unexpectedly, it was quite traumatic. I also had a terrible time getting any NHS help. TTC again but had three unsuccessful cycles. I was generally doing OK but I've been finding the start of the run up to Christmas incredibly hard. I thought I'd be spending Christmas in my third trimester and now unlikely I'll be pregnant then. Trying to make plans and keep busy but it's hard. Just feels like a wasted year as started trying early this year, and ending it with nothing to show for it. Just wanted to know if others find this time of year hard.

You are absolutely not alone in this. I was expecting to have had my 20 week scan before Christmas if it wasnt for my MMC and so I am feeling rather low too. I expect there a lot in the same boat xx

I'm the same, I would be due at the beginning of January if I hadn't miscarried and I had another miscarriage this time last year. My life is very different from what I had imagined, hoped and prayed for. I am trying to stay positive as I'll be beginning a fresh cycle of IVF after Christmas and we now know a couple of factors that might have contributed and can now treat, but it is still very hard and lonely.

Wishing you a successful January cycle. Great news that you have a couple of answers to issue. Crossing everything for you xx

It's hard imagining the difference in ours lives if the pregnancies had continued. Fingers crossed for the IVF

I have been there, also a loss at 12wks. My husband and I still refer to Christmas 2020 as "the Christmas of depression and cheese". We essentially slept and ate junk for 2 weeks. It is a hard time of year and it's okay to feel that. I would also say the time around what would have been due date was difficult and I ended up seeking out therapy

I was due on December 27th. It was a few years before I could manage seeing family on that day.
What helped me was going out on that day- we did some lovely winter walks, went out for nice meals at country pubs. I did find the fresh air made me feel calmer, and being out in the countryside took my mind off things a little bit.
But I had plenty of time just at home, slobbing on the sofa. You do just need to be kind to yourself, and do what fits with how you're feeling each day.
I remember the horrible feeling you mentioned OP, that it feels like a wasted year. I really hope you manage to still have some nice times over Christmas.

You're definitely not alone. Had my second MMC in July so should have been third trimester this Christmas too. Even just a few weeks after finding out I was pregnant I was thinking how great the timing was as I could just ask for baby bits for Christmas. Now I literally can't answer when people ask what I'd like for a present because I literally want nothing. Just finishing my 4th cycle (even more helpfully my period is 4 days late just to cause me even more anguish). Definitely not pregnant for Christmas and only 4 more tries to have a baby in 2024. I'm currently in survival mode to the point I've considered going to a&e over my depression because I've found myself not wanting to be here anymore xx

Same. I had 4 miscarriages previously and an ectopic last year. Have been trying since January and nothing. Have given up trying now until after Christmas. Going to enjoy some good food and drink from now until the New Year.

I'm finding it harder than I thought. I would have been 20 weeks this week and was looking forward to finding out the sex and having a bump for Christmas. I found out about my MMC in September at 9 weeks and can't believe how many I'd plans I'd made in my head before it.

Hopefully next Christmas will be better for us all x

@moosey89 please go see your GP lovely. Loss and infertility/fertility issues are bloody brutal and it's understandable to be feeling hopeless. It does get better I promise. As I said further up thread, I had been due may 2021, ended up seeking therapy Jul-oct 2021 as I felt so hopeless and it really helped and life got better

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl can I ask what type of therapy you did? Counseling or cbt style? I'm feeling the same as many here. I had a loss 2 months ago nd feel like I should be starting to announce and be excited for the new year. Worst is that its also ended my relationship as he doesn't want to try again so not even any hope for that going forward either and now looking at sperm donor route when I'm healed mentally as I'm already 36.

@Msgiggles30 I did compassion focused therapy online with someone I found through BetterHelp. I had the advantage that I'm a mental health professional myself so I knew what I was looking for.

I'm so sorry, it sounds like you've been through so much.

Hey everyone,

Just found this thread after posting my own about struggling in the run up to Xmas. I had a miscarriage in March. I had pictured Christmas with my tiny baby surrounded by my family so many times and now the realisation that's not going to happen is hitting hard.
I swing from sadness to anger and back again. I've thought of therapy and reading through some of the earlier posts is making me reconsider.
For anyone else feeling the same, I also found the book 'The Worst Girl Gang Ever' helpful.
I'm so sorry your all in similar situations, it really is crap!! For now, I'm just going to try and enjoy all the prosecco, pate, and cheese I can get x

I've had some counselling (acknowledging I'm fortunate to be able to have it privately), and honestly it's been the best thing. I ended up going for much longer than I expected and unpacking a lot more than just the MC. Would highly recommend.

Hugs! I'm already anticipating the due date will be hard (March), as been thinking about how going back to work in new year would have been so different, planning for mat leave.

@PinkRoses1245 I totally understand the feeling of a wasted year. My periods stopped for a few months when I started TTC so I totally changed my lifestyle - put on weight, stopped exercising/playing sport, daily focus on stress reduction - and conceived on the next cycle which ended in MMC. The consultant who I saw for the MMC said I should conceive quickly if I stick to this lifestyle, so I feel like my whole life is on hold until this happens and I don't even know who I am anymore.

Christmas has always been a tough time for me but feels worse this year. I haven't put up a tree or any decorations as it doesn't feel right for me. I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do or not.

I'm currently having therapy and it's helping, but I'm still hurting a lot.

I'm so sorry to all of you who have been or are currently going through this. It's so hard.

I should have been 20 weeks exactly on Boxing Day, but I found out I'd had a MMC on 30 October at my 12 week scan. I had a d&c 4 weeks ago and am still getting clear positive tests, so the nightmare still isn't over: I have to go back for another scan later this week.

Putting up the Christmas decorations feels very bittersweet this year. It's hard to let go of what this Christmas should have been and accept it for what it is.

My 6 year old wants to be a big sister more than anything, but it's a gift I can't give her right now.