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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

How many children do you have?

7 replies

gemloving · 19/11/2023 21:05

My third baby was stillborn at 35 weeks about 3 months ago and quite a few times I have been asked if I have anymore children especially at clubs, school.

I have two boys. 4&2, one in reception and the other one goes to a childminder, will start nursery at his brothers school next September.

I don't want to kill the convo but also want to tell people that I had another baby, I think about him all the time and he's all around me.

How would it make you feel if I said: I have a 4 year old, 2 year old and sadly my baby died at birth. Twice I've said that I have a 2 year old as well but it doesn't feel right. I wish I didn't have to even think about this.

OP posts:
muddlingthrou · 19/11/2023 21:22

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think it's very natural to want to acknowledge the baby that you carried for months and months. Say whatever you feel comfortable with - I think the convention is changing for the better so people are more open about miscarriages and stillbirths being a painful part of life.

Peanutcookies · 19/11/2023 21:26

I’m so so sorry for your loss.

My friend’s firstborn was stillborn and she had her little boy quickly after. She tells people her little boy is her second born and sadly her first didn’t make it.

she said the conversation does get easier but it still hits her when someone has a girl the same age as her first.

if you’re my friend, even a stranger, I would like to know and acknowledge his existence. He mattered

what was his name?

Longbarn5 · 19/11/2023 21:28

I would feel happy for you having your two lovely boys and sad for you that you had lost a baby too. Not quite sure what I would say in response. I think I would probably say something like life brings many wonderful things and some pretty horrendous too, so sad four loss but so pleased for you having two sons.

Peanutcookies · 19/11/2023 21:29

She also said that there’s been a few times where the stranger has shared with her about their own experience with their own babies who didn’t make it, and it was nice for them because back in the day it was just swept under the carpet and it was like that baby never existed

gemloving · 19/11/2023 21:49

@muddlingthrou thank you. Yes, the most painful part of my life so far.
@Peanutcookies it's such a strange concept but it really is important to me that it's acknowledged but also am mindful of upsetting other people. Noah, our gorgeous baby boy.
@Longbarn5 a simple, I'm sorry for your loss and I have said, that's ok and we then move on. I don't dwell on it as such but do like mentioning him as a my baby ❤️

OP posts:
Aria2015 · 19/11/2023 22:19

I would feel sad for what you've been through, but I wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable as I completely understand why you'd want to acknowledge your baby. I think after all you've been through, you should be doing what feels right for you and prioritise your feelings on the matter and try and push out concerns of others feelings on the matter.

Longbarn5 · 19/11/2023 22:21

gemloving · 19/11/2023 21:49

@muddlingthrou thank you. Yes, the most painful part of my life so far.
@Peanutcookies it's such a strange concept but it really is important to me that it's acknowledged but also am mindful of upsetting other people. Noah, our gorgeous baby boy.
@Longbarn5 a simple, I'm sorry for your loss and I have said, that's ok and we then move on. I don't dwell on it as such but do like mentioning him as a my baby ❤️

That makes complete sense to me and I will keep that in mind. I am a bit of a waffler at the best of times to be truthful xx

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