Partner blaming himself

[Jenn12445]

So I had a miscarriage 3 weeks ago.. they couple of weeks before hand my partner was saying we should have an abortion. We argued so much about this. Before we had made the final decision that’s when I miscarried. When I was in the hospital having my miscarriage, he went awol for a few days. We constantly argued. I begged him to be there for me and he couldn’t do it. After a few days he came to me and was ready to support me(I know it was a bit too late at that point) I’ve broke down a few times over the past few weeks and he seems to have done a turnaround and is being there for me.. now he is in a very bad way, and really struggling, he’s running away from me and the situation and breaking down. He says now he regrets even asking me to have abortion and feels like I had the abortion because of the stress he put me under. He’s not a big talker on a deep level so it’s really hard to get into his head. I know this is breaking him right now and I don’t know how to help him. Any advice would be much appreciated

Get. Rid. Of. Him.

Today.

It took two of you to fall pregnant so him saying you should have abortion that now ended in miscarriage anyway would make me dump him. How can you plan any serious future with a man like that?

First of all, I'm really sorry for your loss. I have no idea about your personal circumstances so I'm not going to pass judgement on your partner's preference to have an abortion.

Secondly, if your partner is struggling with his feelings after miscarriage, my suggestion would be to direct him to the information for partners on the Miscarriage Association website, which is very helpful and clear.

Finally, it does sound like you might also have to work through some issues in your relationship - everyone responds differently to miscarriage so it's understandable that his reaction may not be exactly the same as yours, but to not be available in any way to support you at the time is very worrying. And if you were arguing beforehand about whether or not you even wanted to go ahead with the pregnancy, there might be some bigger picture things that the two of you need to work out. Good luck.