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17W Loss - Stories of a hopeful future

4 replies

roro87 · 15/11/2023 05:21

Hi All,
I won't lie this is a group I never wanted to post in. This week we lost our much longed for little boy. On Saturday there was no heartbeat and I delivered him on Monday. He was just perfect.

I spent a long time trying to get pregnant, 2 years, 4 failed ovulation induction, 1 failed ivf attempt and then our natural conception.

So I've two questions! When does the pain start to ease/what was the hardest? For those or you who went on to get pregnant again?

I'm 2 weeks off my 36th birthday and just need some hope in this dark time.

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Livingmagicallyagain · 15/11/2023 05:51

I’m so sorry. Did you give him a name? He sounds just perfect. I hope you had precious time meeting him and the team were kind to you all.

Look after yourself, you’re postpartum and it’s hard. I found reading helped. Elle Wright’s Mum’s Voices blog and book, and lots of instagram profiles.

I lost our son at the same gestation. It was a rollercoaster but I felt lots of joy at the time too, at having met him. I was still happy to have had him in my life, if that makes sense, and tried to find ways for my love to reach him.

I was 40. I bled for 10 weeks after then waited for my cycle to return, but it didn’t as I was pregnant with our daughter already. It felt like a miracle and all was well with her.

roro87 · 15/11/2023 06:00

Thank you so much for replying and I'm sorry you didn't have a lifetime with your little boy. Did he have a name?

We called him Wren as he was a tiny delicate bird. Everyone was so kind which sometimes hurt more.

I'm currently reading Elle Wrights book ask me his name. I started following her during the horrible days or trying and failing to get pregnant.

I'm blessed to have a son who is almost 3 that makes me want to get out of bed.

Yes his birth brought me great peace at the time that night I slept with a feeling it would all be OK. I wish I could hold onto that.

Infertility nearly destroyed me and I think that is my fear. I would love just to mourn my baby without that hanging over me.

17W Loss - Stories of a hopeful future
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MrsC2018 · 15/11/2023 20:32

@roro87 I'm so sorry for your loss. This week is the worst, it's the shock and that your brain has to keep being told that you're not pregnant anymore.
I lost a little boy at 16 weeks 18 months ago. He was a surprise natural conception after a gruelling 5 year battle with infertility, 6 IVF transfers that resulted in his sister just lead me to believe I wouldn't have another and then I found I was pregnant with him. I thought he was my gift from the universe for the pain of waiting for his sister!
The I nearly drowned in grief following his birth, even though I had a wonderful 18 month old to get up for. I just felt suffocated with sadness. It lifted though, as I just got used to the reality that he was gone. I got pregnant again within 4 months which helped, but I lost her too at 16 weeks as well which just felt like I was lost in a nightmare but the shock and grief wasn't the same the second time around if I'm honest.
I'm nearly 18 weeks pregnant again with a little boy and I'm terrified, pregnancy after loss is excruciating but I think the infertility was actually worse than the loss so my overriding emotion is just thankfulness that I'm able to have another shot at having a baby really.
Ask me any questions or talk about little Wren if you want 💙 and don't worry about your age, im nearly 40 you've got time xx

roro87 · 15/11/2023 21:28

@MrsC2018 you will never know how much this has helped me this evening. My biggest fear right now is all linked to my infertility. I'm devastated by my loss of course I wish Wren was safe and well in my tummy still but I can't change it I've just to move through it. It's about what's to come that is my major worry. Those two years of infertility nearly killed me. I lost myself so completely I felt incomplete even though I had the most perfect son but I wanted more because of how much joy being a mum gave me. All of it is absolutely shit really but I felt like had I not suffered enough already with having to wait so long and now still be waiting. But I'm grateful I have Wren he is my second son and from the second I knew I was pregnant I loved him

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