Traumatised TW graphic description

[Eggling]

I have had / am having my second miscarriage this year. I should be 8 weeks now. Both are ivf pregnancies, since mid 2022 we have also had two failed transfers and one embryo that didn't survive the thaw.

I have had some bleeding this pregnancy but at the scan last week everything looked good, baby measured perfectly and heart rate 134 at 6+6. We went back yesterday for reassurance that the bleed had cleared up and instead came away with the knowledge that this was another loss. They couldn't see the foetus or sac anymore, just lots of blood and clots. We went straight to EPU where a scan confirmed this, again they couldn't see the actual pregnancy. I wanted an MVA as my previous miscarriage was really protracted, misoprostol failed twice and it took weeks to pass anything. At the ivf clinic we sort of discussed this and the doctor said they would do the MVA then genetic testing the products of conception. I'm not sure exactly how but that's not what ended up happening and I was sent home yesterday with misoprostol again.

Yesterday evening I went to the toilet and tried to push a bit to see if I could get things moving. TW GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION I wiped and there was something on the tissue, it looked like a foetus, the right shape and size and two black dots for eyes. Because they'd not seen anything on the scan I just thought it can't possibly be that and sort of squished it a bit to try and prove to myself it was just a blood clot. It was grey tissue. I panicked and flushed it away.

I then passed a little more grey tissue later, I rang EPU and they said I could take it in this morning for them to test, it's been in the fridge overnight. We've just been and there isn't enough tissue to test because it's not fresh enough, but the nurse last night said it was ok to wait. So now we won't even know why this happened. I just can't get the image out of my head and I can't believe I ripped my precious little baby in half and flushed them away. I don't know how to cope with this.

That sounds really rough, I'm sorry you had to go through that and for your loss. Your baby didn't feel any of it and was at peace at that point. You didn't damage them. Perhaps the second grey part was the tiny placenta? If you flushed it away then remember your baby wasn't aware of it. You reacted in the moment. Although it was very early, you can keep this baby in your heart. Maybe it would help to do something private to commemorate him or her?

Thank you, I just can't believe I didn't keep it. I think the second bit was the placenta but if I'd kept the foetus and taken it in we could have got it tested. I'm desperate for some answers because I've done tests via the ivf clinic that have all been ok so they think it's just bad luck we've had two abnormal embryos but I really don't think that's it, it feels to me and seems like my body is attacking and ending the pregnancies so if we could have confirmed one way or the other whether the embryo was abnormal it could have helped with next steps. I just feel completely destroyed and don't know how to get through this again, it took every ounce of me to get through it last time and I'm so so scared

I haven't done IVF but imagine how hard it must be to go through all that and have it result in losses. I'd suggest talking to your doctor about your concerns. If there is a reason for the losses they may be able to do tests. Unfortunately many pregnancies do end with early miscarriage though. Do you have a support group for women going through IVF? Maybe someone can share their experience with you?

I understand that much/most of the time that testing can be done, it does not give a clear answer as to why the pregnancy was lost.

1. It may not have been possible to test even if you kept it

2. If the test had been done, it may not have been useful

3. Your foetus did not feel or have any awareness of anything that you did during the miscarriage, and this is probably the same thing that happens most foetuses lost at this stage.

4. You were going through something really traumatic, emotional, lonely and hard. Be kind to yourself as you would be to a friend or even a stranger. In that moment, you did what you needed to do to get through that moment. And that's okay.

I'm so sorry for what you have been through and I would say take some time to rest and rebalance before planning any next steps.

Honestly, this is one of the hardest things about m/c and also something that isn’t spoken about. What do you ‘do’…..

I’m so sorry for your losses. I’ve had several at similar stages and there has never been enough tissue to test, despite MVA.

At the time,you’re under so much pressure and reactions aren’t free of emotion. Be kind to yourself, you’re going through something really hard.