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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Her heart stopped at 9.2 weeks

5 replies

NinNinJin · 13/11/2023 20:11

It was a girl. I found out today. Was supposed to be 11 weeks and 3 days. But her heartbeat stopped weeks ago. I opted out for a surgical management that will happen on Thursday.
I just don't know how to grieve. I haven't cried.
I spent three hours at hospital today on my own as I thought it was a routine scan appointment. And I tried not to cry when they told me. I cannot show my feelings in public and I also think about doctors and nurses who have to deal with these situations daily. Didn't want to make anyone's job difficult.
And then when I came home my dd came back from school. And she is only 6. And she doesn't know. And I could not be sad in front of her. And then she had an online class and I had to talk to the teacher. And then the little one came from nursery and I had to deal with dinner, bathing, bed time. And also sent work emails. I didn't even cry when I told my husband. He probably thinks I'm an Iron Lady and just treat it like a cold. Gosh. The family doesn't know. No one knows but I had her in my heart. Everything. Her name. Her birth. How she will be born around my youngest birthday. How I will go on maternity leave. How we will spend the summer together. How do I let her go? I go on with the daily life and I feel I don't have an excuse to behave any differently.

OP posts:
MargotBamborough · 13/11/2023 20:14

I'm sorry. 💐

Landlubber2019 · 13/11/2023 20:17

You take it one day at a time, just breathe. She will always be with you and she will not be forgotten. Celebrate the time you had, albeit brief and in time you will learn to live with the gap in your heart where she lives.

Bug84 · 13/11/2023 20:24

Sorry for your loss op 💐
I had a similar experience last December, found out I was having a girl around 14 weeks (an email result from a blood test), less than a week later I started spotting and went for a scan, they said she’d died nearly 2 weeks before. Also opted for surgical management, it was fine - no pain and was glad to be unaware of the process. You will get through this. It’s so hard though.

CluelessInLondon · 13/11/2023 21:05

I'm so very sorry for your loss and the way you are feeling, it really is unlike any other form of grief. Please don't be afraid to show how you feel though, especially around the people who can give you the love and support that you need. If you think it might help, the Miscarriage Association and Tommy's have helplines that you could call if you want to speak to someone who is "neutral" and just say out loud what's on your mind without worrying about any judgement or upsetting anyone else.

I hope the surgery goes smoothly later this week and that the physical recovery is quick. Take care and be gentle with yourself - this isn't easy and it will take time to start feeling better. ❤

NinNinJin · 14/11/2023 10:30

Thank you everyone

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