A silly question

[gooddayruby]

A work colleague has had a miscarriage. I've only been there for a few months, there's 4 of us at the business and we work closely together. Should I bring it up or just ignore it? I want to offer my condolences and support but not if it will upset her or be inappropriate.

I feel stupid for having to ask but I want to get it right.

It's not stupid to ask, it's really kind of you to be thinking about your colleague and how best to support her. A lot of people prefer to just ignore miscarriage because it's awkward and they don't know what to say, so you deserve credit for wanting to acknowledge what she's going through.

Everybody is different in terms of whether they want to talk about it or not, and how upset they feel at any given time - but given that you know what has happened, why not offer her your sympathy and then let her take the lead on whether she wants to say anything else? She might just say thank you and that's it, but at least she will know the support is there for her at work if she needs it. Honestly, just knowing people are there in the aftermath means a huge amount.

Say something ! I really appreciated an acknowledgment of my miscarriage, even just a sorry to hear your news or how are you? Not much but it opens the door if she wants to talk and if not, at least she knows that you care that this awful thing has happened in her life.

I have a friend who returned to work after a full term still birth and not one person said anything. I think they were too worried to get it wrong but she found the silence devastating - it's not like she want thinking about it!

I had a miscarriage in January, a few people at work knew but no one said anything. That was horrible. Just having it sat there bubbling away inside of me just wanting to cry at the shitiness of knowing no one understood enough to give me a hug. I’d just be very subtle about it, get her a piece of cake if you do a sandwich run at lunch or something similar. Something to let her know you’re thinking about how she’s feeling. Tell her you know things must be tough but she’s in your thoughts. It’s hard to talk about to people who haven’t experienced it but people just acknowledging your pain and being sensitive helps.