Missed miscarriage?

[MamaaB]

Hi everyone, I just want to know that I’m not alone
My 12 week scan showed me that there were two sacs, one empty and one with a very small embryo (CRL 5.6mm) measuring 6wks+1. There’s no way the dates can be that off unless I’ve had a missed miscarriage.
I have another scan soon to confirm if pregnancy is viable or not but based on that scan my recent spotting, I’m assuming I’ve had a MMC.

Has anyone got any advice / tips on recovery, or willing to share their experience of similar?
I am grateful to say I have two kids, a 4yo and an 11mo ❤️❤️
How did you mother through miscarriage recovery if you already have children? Thank you in advance

Oh I'm so sorry.

I've had two missed miscarriages. One was my very first pregnancy and the second between the birth of my first and second children.

They were both devastating. I had the surgery option for the first and the second actually happened naturally a few days after my scan.

Apparently you are very fertile in the months following and I went on to conceive my girls quickly after both miscarriages. The only bit of comfort I took from it is that if I hadn't miscarried, I wouldn't have the children I do now. A strange concept perhaps but it's helped me.

@loveacupoftea18 thank you so much for your reply lovely. I'm sorry to hear about your 2 losses 😔 and that's a lovely way of thinking. This is definitely making me feel super grateful for my two girls that I have (girl mum gang!) ❤️. Thank you for the reassurance and comfort! I really appreciate it. I have my next scan tomorrow to check how things are looking but I'm mentally prepared to hear those horrible words lol

Hi @MamaaB, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had a missed miscarriage about a month ago and the wait is horrible. I have a nearly two year old and honestly, I just mothered pretty badly whilst going through this! I was short tempered, there was a lot of tv and biscuits, and we got through it as best we could. My husband did most of the proper parenting (bedtimes, meals etc) and my son went to granny’s when she could have him too. My son knew I was feeling sad, and I think that was ok, although I worried about it at the time and obviously tried not to be visibly upset in front of him.

Take care of yourself and if you’ve got anyone who can help - family or close friends - let them. Personally I took a good chunk of time off work too but some people prefer the distraction I know.

Hi, just wanted to reply as I'm currently going through this. Went for my 12 week scan and baby died at 8 weeks. No sign whatsoever. Still getting sick and all the symptoms. Bloody horrible thing to go through. Waiting to hear from hospital to see what to do now. But carrying a dead baby for 4 weeks sucks

Hi everyone. Sorry to read all your stories. I am going through the same thing at the moment. First pregnancy after two years of trying and we thought we were 12 weeks, I had some bleeding and a private scan where they confirmed the pregnancy had stopped progressing at 6 weeks :-( I had no idea. Fortunately, I am miscarrying naturally but have a check up on Monday. We are keen to try again quickly but I’m just scared that might have been our only shot given the time it took to get here. It’s all just so very sad

This is very similar to what happened to me around this time last year - went for my NHS scan when I thought I was 13 weeks and they said it looked more like a 5 week pregnancy. I was very glad I already had a toddler to cuddle! Don't be afraid to be sad in front of your child (well, some of the time at least), I don't think it did DS any harm to know that Mummy and Daddy get sad sometimes too - he wanted to help cheer me up by giving me cuddles.

If you have anyone around who can help with your children, now is the time to ask for some extra support (especially if you need to go to hospital - the bleeding can get heavy... ). Stock up on some painkillers too (paracetamol, ibuprofen if you are sure of dates, codeine...) - hopefully it won't be bad for you but it can be painful.

And lastly, don't lose hope! Wait until you feel ready to try again (bear in mind you might feel more anxious in future pregnancies) - if you want to that is. I'm now 36 weeks pregnant - no issues so far this time around.

@HerbaceousPerennial thank you so much for your reply and advice, I'm so sorry for your loss 💔. I'm glad you had help available through such a tough time! Thank you for the advice, that's all we can do isn't it! Let go of any housework expectations, screen time if you do screen time, just let go and take the time you need to rest and recover. I'm very grateful my MIL was able to have my girls over the weekend so I could get two full nights of sleep! (Youngest is only 11mo so she is still waking up at night ofc for boob lol, although somehow she didn't wake up at her grandmas 😒). Thank you so much for your reply and I hope you're doing okay ❤️

@herewegoagain123456
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's horrible isn't it, that feeling of knowing your baby was dead inside you for weeks. and we had no idea! I had a twin pregnancy, 1 baby didn't even seem to make it to embryo stage lol and the other died at 6 weeks, I naturally gave birth to them (I will always call it birth!) on the toilet last Wednesday. Still recovering physically at the moment but it's getting better, and of course mentally. Take care of yourself in these next few weeks ❤️

@Barney2009 thank you for sharing ❤️. I'm sorry for your loss. It's so difficult isn't it. And agreed, I'm keen to try again but I know pregnancy after loss will be a completely different story. I've got two children who I am extremely grateful for and I had no idea how blissful those pregnancies were! Sending you love and praying for a healthy baby/babies for you ❤️

@JC89 thank you for sharing, I'm sorry for your loss 💔. I'm glad you had your toddler to cuddle! 🥰 I've had to explain to my 4yo that there were two babies that didn't make it and she is also grieving I believe in her own way as she was very excited for another sibling. And my youngest is only 11mo so she is clueless but great for cuddles 😂.

Thank you so much, I've definitely been leaning on husband a lot who has been great,and my MIL who took my kids overnight over the weekend so I could get a full nights sleep to recover (11mo is still up at night a lot for boob so that rest was great!).

And congratulations!! Praying for a smooth healthy rest of pregnancy, labour and birth & postpartum for you! ❤️

I keep trying to get down to the nitty gritty of MMC. I've read huge amounts of stuff on the subject but nowhere have I been able to find any information whatsoever about why it occurs. I am keen to know why my body thought I was still carrying a viable pregnancy for a full 7 plus weeks from the time of embryonic demise to the time of removal by surgical means. If I had had a miscarriage at six weeks I would have been gutted but realise that there a lot of early pregnancy losses. The fact that my body just seemed to have had no intention of expelling the pregnancy is somewhat alarming to me.
I'm not sure whether it is a good thing that seemingly no signal was sent from whatever part of the system to another to tell the body to expel or whether it is indicative of some other negative issue. I am thinking that is a positive thing that my body might well have retained the pregnancy if the embryo had survived but I really dont know what to think.

Has anybody come across any likely reason for the lack of signal in these cases or is it just always put down to being "one of those things".

@Longbarn5 it blows my mind too and i am keen to hear from anyone else on this also. From what I understand it is “one of those things”, seems to be a bit of a medic mystery but also seems extremely common. I had a friend who had one and 3 months later she was pregnant again and all was fine. If I’ve learnt something from this awful experience it’s that the human body is a very weird and wonderful thing!

@Longbarn5 i do wonder this too. I’ve found in general that anything which is not 100% standard with female bodies seems to be incredibly difficult to find any info on. It’s probably not helpful for most people but for my own MMC this is how I’ve rationalised it (not very scientific I’m afraid). I have PCOS but again I don’t have stereotypical symptoms (not overweight, hairy etc). So I get a period maybe every 3-4 months, sometimes more, sometimes less, and I know I have unusual hormone levels, because they tested them as part of my diagnosis. I’ve also had issues with testing positive much longer than most people after my MMC. So my theory is that my body is just slow at recognising any hormonal changes in general, which is why it kept growing the sac after the embryo had died, and why it then hung on to the sac. I’ve also taken comfort from the idea that my body was doing everything it could to hang on to the pregnancy, even when it wasn’t viable. Hopefully it bodes well if I ever get lucky and catch an egg again!

@Longbarn5 I don't have a scientific reason for why but something I use to comfort myself is that I tell myself that my body knew how much I want to be a mum and how much I already loved my wee baby and did everything it could to hold on to them to try and protect me.

I've had a lot of negative feelings towards my body since my MMC but this definitely helps me be more compassionate towards it. I don't think I'll ever know why my MMC happened which is difficult to deal with but I'm starting to eventually have a level of acceptance over not knowing why.

Hi all and thank you for your replies and thoughts. MMCs are weird and not so wonderful!! Xx

Hi guys,

Can I just ask how long you all tested positive for after your MMC?

I still am 3 weeks later and not sure whether to ring up or not?

Thanks

@herewegoagain123456 I was 3 weeks from the day the bleeding started. From what I understand you can continue to test positive for 6 weeks depending on how far along you were :-(

@herewegoagain123456 I was 4+ weeks after the first day of bleeding and it was negative. Was so odd seeing that. And just 4 weeks after the birth (as I like to refer to it as!) when I was "13 weeks" along but baby died at 6wks and the other embryo didn't even make it lol. (Twin pregnancy).
I can only imagine how it feels seeing a positive still. 🥺 sending love.

@Longbarn5 as far as I know scientifically, it's simply one of those things that can happen where something goes "wrong" at conception itself, and then our bodies & minds are holding onto our baby/babies so much that we can't let go and it's psychological almost.

In my religion we believe that miscarried fetus' pull their mothers into heaven through their umbilical cord 🥹. I know not everybody has a religion etc so I hope it doesn't seem like I'm trying to push it because I'm not! But that has been something that has given me a lot of comfort. MMCs are definitely really weird, weird club to be in! Also weirdly comforting knowing you're not alone and it's much more common than we think 💔❤️‍🩹.

@herewegoagain123456 I hope you're no longer testing positive, but just in case you are...

I had a d&c for my MMC on 7 November and was still testing positive 4 weeks later (slightly fainter than before the d&c but there were still clearly 2 lines). I called the hospital, expecting to be told I was being silly and that it'd sort itself out, but they said I should have called at 3 weeks and had me in for a scan 2 days later. Unfortunately the scan confirmed that a lot of pregnancy tissue had been missed in the d&c. It turns out they don't usually scan during or after the op - they just go in blind and have a scoop around!

I had to have a second d&c earlier this week and after a LOT of strong requests from me they did a scan afterwards to check everything was gone. Not ideal as it feels like the process has been going on forever (since 30 October!).

If you are still testing positive, please give the hospital a call as you may need a scan.

@Sherw00d

Thankyou for your message, I did ring up and they got me in for a scan that day and then went in for surgical management the day after.
Testing negative already so this is a relief