How do you cope when others announce their pregnancy?

[cathers]

Had a m/c 2 weeks ago at 7 weeks after ttc for 6 months. ( concieved 1st month with ds.
found out yesterday that my SIL is 9 weeks pregnant, unplanned. Finding it really hard to cope - we would have had the same EDD,and I am terrified of having to listen to all her pregnancy stories over the next few months. It seems so unfair, not sure how I can cope or ever get over the loss when it feels it is being rubbed in my face.
Has anyone been in this situation, did anything help?

Hi there- I have definitely been in this situation as have many other here and it is rubbish! My sister was 8 weeks further along then me, but I lost mine at 13wks. I had to face her having the baby and now hers is over a year. I have had many more pregnancy announcements as I am still TTC with no luck. I recently found SIL and close friend are both pregnant- unplanned. Those hurt the quite a bit as I feel I'm more prepared for the ones I know are trying. I must say it does get a bit easier. I think the main thing is to let yourself feel sad- people do understand. It IS unfair and there is not much we can do about it, but let yourself have a little cry. Hopefully it will be your turn before too ong.

Hi there, I found out yesterday that one of my very close friends is 6 weeks. The poor girl had obviously totally wound herself up about telling me - I could tell she was on the verge of tears poor thing. I felt so sorry for her being so worried that the feeling of sadness about not having my baby didn't hit me til later. To be honest though, at the moment, my overwhelming feeling is worry that something will go wrong for her. As lulu says, it is important not to cover up your feelings too much - it is sad and having a cry really can help.

I know 3 other people who are 7,8 & 9 weeks pregnant.
I am 5 weeks and back and forth to EFAU think im losing this baby.
Havent told any one but have had to endure a phone call from each anouncing their pregnancy.
Been very difficult to show excitement when all i want to do is cry.
It is exciting news for them and they dont know about my troubles so i will just smile and plod along.
tis very very hard

My SIL was pregnant at the same time as me. She is my best friend as well as SIL (thats how I met my DH). I lost my baby and she continued with her pregnancy. I was so worried about her having he baby, I was worried about having feeling of resentment towards both of them when the baby was born. That never happened and although it was hard for me sometimes, I was happy for her and love my little nephew to death.

Does your SIL know about your MC? Could you tell her and explain how hard it is for you. If she doesn't know, then she is bound to share her pregnancy with you. if she does I'm sure she'll try and be sensitive. Could your DP have a word with her?

I've just had a MC and the slightest little thing effects me. I seem to see pregnant women whereever I go. Obviously they've always been there but I hadn't noticed before, it feels like I'm being haunted.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
xx

Hi Cathers

I can totally understand how you feel. My friend has just had unplanned twins(!) and my 1st mc baby would've been due at the same time. I thought I'd cope OK on the due date cos I got pg again 4mths later only to sadly lose that one at 11+wks, 6wks ago. The last fortnight has been really tough.

Everyone around me seems to be getting pg unexpectedly and it does feel a bit raw and hurts like hell but then my best friend has been ttc for over a year and nothing is happening so I guess that gives me a reality check. Another friend mc at the same time as my 1st one following IVF and is now 12+wks pg so it's a rollercoaster of emotions.

My way of coping is to keep repeating the mantra "It's not a case of one for you none for me ---it will happen, it will happen IT WILL!!!!" That and lots of sobbing oh and quite a few glasses of the old vino

I've found my friend with the twins and my friend who had IVF have actually been my biggest support and the most sensitive. I think when people know your situation they are far more aware of the impact of their throw away words and think before they speak.

HI Cathers and every one else.

I completely understand how you feel. I miscarried 2 weeks again (my third) at 8 weeks and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse my SIL who's 5 years younger than me and not in a stable relationship found out the same day that she is also 8 weeks pregnant. She has been feeling unwell for a few weeks and now recognises that its been morning sickness! All the symptoms I've been watching for and hoping for daily and she has been having them without realising.

I was nearly hysterical when I found out and I am still unsure how I'm going to cope with seeing her getting bigger and having to hear all the baby talk for the next 8 months, while DH and I undergo the tests we now have an appointment for but I know that I am just going to have to get on with it and grit my teeth.

Good to know there are others in the same boat - perhaps we can all have a rant when we feel like it and help each othe through?

I really feel for you...

Thanks for all support - really helps to know there are others in same situation. Have decided to ask DP to talk to SIL to explain the m/c in the hope she will be a bit more sensitive. SIL and I don't really see eye to eye which doesn't help matters, and shes not known for her tact and restraint! Still dreading see her get bigger and bigger but will try to rise above it.
It is hard enough to cope with the loss, and the additional on stress of painful news damages no one but me and irregular cycle. Double Blow!

Thanks again.x

I had similar - my best friend was 2 weeks ahead of me so I had to watch her stay pregnant...it was lovely as any friend being pregnant is - but very hard. The hardest day was when she went into labour - then visiting the labour ward By that time I had got used to the idea, but the labour brought it all back.
Like anything, it passes.

HI everyone - I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. A few weeks ago, just before we announced to our family that we were expecting our first, my mother (who knew about us) called to tell me that my younger brother and SIL were expecting their third baby - unplanned and due about 3 weeks after me.

A week after announcing, I miscarried at 11 weeks. Just about a week later, my DH's twin and his wife (who knew about our pregnancy and miscarriage) told us that they were expecting their second, also unplanned.

I think I took the news well, had a little cry and even held it together over dinner with SIL & BIL on Saturday. It wasn't until Sunday night that I completely exploded in front of poor DH. I love both of our brothers and SILs dearly but it's so hard to get over that each of our only siblings are both expecting within weeks of when we would've had our baby and both completely unplanned. I'm trying to be upbeat and fair and not too selfish, but I'm just feeling that it's all so unfair. I can't imagine what could make the situation any worse, but I don't think I could possibly physically or emotionally take any more...

I hate feeling the way that I do - but this is so hard

I had a huge

During my 2nd MC, my bf announced his gf was expecting her 1st child. She had Connor around the same time as my dc would have been born.

During 4th pg, we went out to the pictures and they announced she was pg again. I was terrified that I'd lose this one and end up in the same boat, but luckily it didn't work out that way and we both, now, have gorgeous 7 year olds.

It was so tough though, with the second mc, as I was devastated. I'd figured the first was just a one off and didn't realise I'd have to go through this 3 times before it would be sorted (not that it ever was, I don't think...dd was a fluke, followed by a 4th mc).

I just wish you strength. Telling the sil is a major positive thing to do and allowing yourself to cry is another good thing too. Yes you will have to do the brave face thing, see the little sproglet and buy it baby clothes and all the time you'll be thinking, this could have (should have) been me....and it will be tough. But allow yourself some grieving time and when you're ready, get back on the horse and try, try again!

Good luck and take care of yourself.