3rd Miscarriage, looking for help and advice

[Ezhall89]

Hello, I am a 34 F who is currently going through a 3rd miscarriage. My history is as follows:
Started TTC Jan 2020
Fell pregnant Dec 2021 - chemical pregnancy
Fell pregnant in Feb 2022 - natural miscarriage at 6w3d
Had IVF Sept 2023 with a fresh transfer on the 17th Sept, resulting in a BFP.
Had an early scan at the fertility clinc at 6w2d due to on and off brown spotting and my worries over previous losses (my 2nd miscarriage started with brown slotting). Everything looked normal amd saw the heartbeat, although we were measuring a few days behind.
Had another scan a week later (official scan at the clinic as part of their protocol) everything looked great, measured 7w1d (was 7w2d at this point) and again saw the heartbeat. Was signed off from the clinic into normal antenatal care.
I booked a private scan for the following 2 weeks but at the start of this week I just had a niggling feeling that I wanted to be scanned earlier so moved it to yesterday (1 week and 1 day after my scan at the clinic).
Since my positive test I have had a lot of anxiety due to my prev losses and the fact this was an IVF pregnancy. These feelings were made worse by the issue that I had very mild symptoms (minimal fatigue, no nausea until 3 days ago, sore boobs).
I had been on progestrone suppositories until 8w and advised to stop them by the clinic.
I went to my scan yesterday (private scan) to be told they couldnt find a heartbeat and that my baby had died a couple of days prior to the scan and was having a MMC. Was meausring 8w1d when I was 8w3d.
Now waiting for a referral to the EPU.
I just have a couple of questions:
Could the scan be wrong? I know it wont be, but I am really struggling to understand how this could have happened to me. How have I been dealt the card of infertility AND recurrent miscarriage?
What do I do now? Medical/surgical management? Should I have surgical so I have the option of sending away the baby for testing? Would this even be offered?
Where do I go from here? Back to the fetility clinic or do I need referring to recurrent miscarriage clinic?
My IVF was NHS funded and I have 2 embryos in the freezer - will I have to pay have any more transfers or is my MMC classed as an unsuccessful round and will be able to transfer under this cycle?

Im sorry for such a long post. Its just gone half 5 in the morning, I have barely slept, im a mess of emotions and questions and just needed to reach to anyone who has gone through a similar situation.

I am so scared of whats to come. I am scared of having to wait months and months before I even get the chance to transfer another embryo. I am scared thst time is not on my side. I am scared to be pregnant again. I am scared I am never going to a be a mum. I really thought this was my sticky baby.

I suffered mentally for months after my 2nd miscarriage. I dont know how I am going to get through this. My heart is broken into a million pieces and I am scared it will never be fixed.

I'm so sorry, Its horrendous isnt it

The scan is unlikely to be wrong. Theres a small chance it could be, but very unlikely especially at this stage

I assume theyll offer you some tablets to help things progress naturally but they may offer surgery

Both - speak to your ivf clinic and also get a referal for looking into the miscarriges

I really struggled to have my DC. I tried for 3 years for my first baby, unfortunately he died 2 hours after he was born. I fell pregnant 3 more times after him and miscarried each one. Even now, it's been 10 years and I could get upset if I let myself remember properly.

I was due to have some investigations for the miscarriges when I happened to fall pregnant again and that time it stuck, I now have a nearly 9 year old. Around 14 months after having DD I fell pregnant with my DS, he wasnt planned and was a lovely surprise.

I had a miscarrige after DD and 2 miscarriges after DS. I'd love another but I cant mentally cope with the trying and then the losing.

The fear of losses and death never left me though. I couldnt enjoy a single pregnancy after my first baby. I was just frightened constantly

I'm really sorry your going through this and I hope you get your "sticker" soon x

Thankyou for your reply and I am so sorry to hear of your losses. It is horrendous, never did I think I would be in this situation again. I really appreciate your reply, thankyou again x

@Ezhall89 I am so so sorry for your losses and what you are going through. I'm afraid I don't have any helpful answers for you, but I wanted you to feel a bit less alone. This year I had a MMC (scan at 11+4 showed baby had stopped developing at 7+5), I then had a CP in September and after miraculously conceiving again the following month, I've just found out at 6+3 that I'm having an ectopic pregnancy. It just feels like winning the worst lotto in the world to keep hitting these recurrent losses. Please know that you aren't alone.

It's exhausting isn't it. A friend of mine happened to have the same due date as my MMC this year and she gave birth last week, and in the same time frame, I've just had 3 losses. My original due date is Monday 😔

I think I am going to seek some MH support as it is getting me down quite a lot now and I'm feeling like I'm not strong enough to keep going with it all. I'll be 38 in December so time is even less on my side than yours, although I am extremely fortunate to have a healthy little boy who will be 3 in January so at least I have him however everything else pans out.

Try to keep hopeful (easier said than done I know!) - you had an egg successfully implant and got to a heartbeat stage. The loss is really bad luck but there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't go on to have a healthy Bubba (or 2 or 3!!) in the future. Take some time to process all of this, get some support and take it from here.

I'm feeling awful just now but I know I'm stronger than I feel at this moment. Once the immediate grief and shock wears off, I will pick myself up and hope again... I'm sure you will too 💕

It is so exhausting and I am so sorry you are going through this too and I hope you have an uncomplicated and speedy recovery.
Im in a similar situation with friends - I am the only one who is childless and most have had or are having their 2nd baby.
I think thats a good idea to seek MH help - I think I will explore this too once I feel ready.
I have an appointment on Monday with the EPU so just waiting now.
I did feel very fortunate that my first transfer was successful, just wish things could have turned out differently.
Thankyou for replying. I hope one day we will hold our much wished for babies in our arms. Wishing the best of luck for the future x

🙏🌈💕

Sending you loads of love and healthy baby vibes for when you're ready xxxx

Hi
So sorry to hear about your losses. There are no words. I have had 4 losses (2 chemical and 2 MMC) - the last one whilst under the care of the recurrent miscarriage clinic and on progesterone aspirin and heparin. I recently had a private procedure done to try to find out the reason for my losses and ended up in hospital with acute endometritis and sepsis which may impact my ability to even get pregnant but only time will tell. It all feels like a nightmare.

Professor Quenby speaks about women suffering PTSD after miscarriages and I think she is right. The thought of the future is terrifying - not getting pregnant again will be truly awful but the thought of getting pregnant again is filled with anxiety.

Snookypook I remember you from another thread and so sorry to hear about your update.

Hope we all get our rainbows soon

@Ttcafterlosses thank you and I'm so sorry to hear your news too. Yes, I can well imagine PTSD from recurrent loss. It's relentless isn't it. This ectopic hasn't hit me quite as hard (yet) and that's partly because I was braced for it going wrong from the get-go... Which is so sad!

Sending you lots of love and hope you get some answers soon. X

Thankyou for all the replies. I am sorry we all find ourselves going through these tough and devastating times.
I had a scan at the EPU which confirmed what I already knew. I am having surgical management on Wed and they are sending them for some testing to check for any genetic issue. I have decided to call my IVF clinic later this week to update them and go from there. Trying to focus on the practical side of things to help me feel more in control.
Sending you all lots of love and best wishes for the future x

@Ezhall89 so sorry my love. I think there's always a stubborn grain of hope until you are told clearly in black and white that it's over. Somehow it hits fresh then. Is your surgical management today or next week? Thinking of you and hope all goes ok.

I had a scan and more bloods on Monday which showed it probably isn't ectopic after all, but definitely a non-viable pregnancy. I actually started bleeding that evening. It was like my body knew there was no more point holding on 😌

Three in a row for me so now waiting for fertility referral.

Sending lots of love and hugs.

I'm so sorry for your losses 😢 I found Tommy's to be a really great support when going through losses, also after IVF. It's such a devastating time.

www.tommys.org/baby-loss-support

😘

I'm so sorry for your losses :( I feel like I could have written parts of your story myself. We have had three miscarriages as well, one blighted ovum, one MMC after seeing a heart beat twice (though like you I had brown bleeding and was measuring behind) and one IVF chemical at 4+2 in the summer.

Everything we've been told so far is that it's just down to horrible bad luck.

In terms of treatment, I'd say it's a good choice to go for the surgical option. I did the tablets the first time and it felt so long and drawn out in comparison to the surgery in which it was all over and done with in a day. Everyone in the unit was so kind as well.

As a small bean of hope, I am now pregnant (naturally, which was a massive surprise) and am currently 11+6 with our 12 week scan tomorrow. This time round I've been on progesterone since 3dpo and we've had three normal scans and a normal NIPT report. Baby is measuring ahead as well which I've only ever had with my son before.

I have everything crossed that your miracle is just around the corner!

I'm sorry for your loss xx

I had two miscarriages before successful pregnancy. After second one I went to a private clinic for recurrent loss testing and found I had a gene mutation called MTHFR- have you been tested for this? It means your body doesn't process folic acid very well and you have to take methylfolate instead. There were other gene mutations they tested for too. Private gynaecologist was then able to prescribe me a plan for ttc and pregnancy. Three months later I was pregnant and it was successful.

For my successful pregnancy I did the following:
Fertility acupuncture and reflexology in three months before ttc
150mg aspirin daily once 12 weeks pregnant 75mg while ttc
800mcg of methylfolate in three months before ttc then once pregnant switched to Naturelo prenatal - no folic acid
400mg progesterone pessaries until 14 weeks
Acupuncture every week during pregnancy
No caffeine or alcohol while ttc

This worked and I had healthy pregnancy at 36. Please don't lose hope.