4th miscarriage at 40, is there hope?

[Telope]

Hi everyone, I’ve never posted on here before but have never felt so isolated by my own pain and figured it might help. I am (was) 8 weeks pregnant this week but had a scan today due to spotting and no heartbeat could be seen. Am in shock I think as a scan last week confirmed a heartbeat but also multiple hematomas so was warned to expect some bleeding. Now sitting at home waiting for the miscarriage to kick in and wondering how to summon the energy to move on from this.

I turned 40 in the summer and had three early miscarriages last year. It took 6 months of trying to conceive with this pregnancy, which is the farthest I’ve come since I had my little girl who is now 4 (and for whom I am eternally grateful). I had no issues when I had her and conceived very quickly so never expected to experience any problems with a second pregnancy. If I had any idea I wouldn’t have waited 3 years to try again.

Has anyone experienced multiple early miscarriages and gone on to have a baby at this age, either naturally or with IVF? Would love to hear any positive stories or advice. I’ve had multiple tests, which have revealed nothing, and have had acupuncture, nutritional therapy, reflexology, and taken a tonne of very expensive supplements over the last year or so. I don’t really drink anymore, no caffeine, limit stress etc etc… don’t think there’s much more I can do. Considering taking a break to recover and trying a round of IVF in the new year.

Just a handhold.

I am 39 and suffered a miscarriage on Sunday at 11 weeks. I also have a lovely 4-year-old who was born without any complications and easy pregnancy. I got pregnant at first go this time. Like you, I am also worried and scared I will never have my rainbow baby :( I am just trying to appreciate what I have and now love my 4 year old like never before.

Thank you for replying and for the handhold, although I really wish you weren’t in this position. I’m so sorry to hear this and for your loss. I hope that you’ve got people looking after you and you’re able to take some space and time to process it all. I’m swinging between shock and sadness at the moment and feel a bit like I’m outside myself watching myself going about my day. What I will say (if it helps at all) is that I’ve realised since I started talking to people about my miscarriages how common they are - and that’s not intended to downplay what you’re going through because it’s heartbreaking and hideous - but just to say please don’t let the anxiety and worry creep in and take over from hope. There’s no reason to think your next pregnancy won’t be successful and I’ve also realised on this journey how many people get pregnant naturally in their early 40s now, so you’ve got lots of time. The one thing I wish I’d done sooner is find an experienced fertility acupuncturist as mine has given me so much support and advice where there was little available on the NHS and I only sought her out after three miscarriages. Sending love and healing thoughts your way x

No helpful or reassuring comments I'm afraid but another hand hold. I'm sitting here sobbing as I've just found out my 6 1/2 week pregnancy is ectopic. I had a MMC in April (scan at 11+4 showed baby had stopped developing at 7+5) and a CP in September. I feel like I can't catch a f@cking break. MMC and ectopic are supposed to be quite rare too. I feel like I've hit some negative bingo/lotto.

I'll be 38 in December and I thankfully have an adorable almost 3 year old boy. Like you guys, he was conceived easily on 4th cycle of trying and no complications (thank goodness as he was a lockdown baby!)

I'm just so sad and exhausted right now. And if I have to have the methotrexate for my ectopic, that will mean at least 3 months of not TTC (although at this point I think I might need a break anyway despite ticking clock).

Sorry for others in similar situations. It's just heartbreaking. We have to be so strong and out up with so much. I think I might ask to be referred for some MH support.

I am sorry to hear about your loss. This MMC made me realise how difficult it is to be a women. Also, as our hormones are all over the place at MMC there is a strong desire to have another one. Speaking with women around me has helped me. I am shocked at the number of women who have had MMC and went on to have healthy babies. Now that I am feeling better it has gotten worse for me emotionally. I am booking a private pre-conception checkup to check on my and my husband's fertility health, if the results are not good then I will stop trying or look for other options to be a mum again.

@Telope I'm really sorry for what you've gone through. I'm in a very similar situation. I am 39, almost 40, and had a MMC at nearly 9 weeks in September, having seen a heartbeat at a scan at 6 weeks. I also had a chemical pregnancy in February, but then we took a break for a while before trying again. I have a lovely 2.5 y o boy who I adore and am grateful for. I really hope and pray that we have another child but I do wonder if it will happen, and worry about navigating the anxiety. Although I can't tell you my happy story, a good friend of mine just had a baby at 42 after several miscarriages. So that gives me hope! Sending you lots of good luck and warm wishes.

I am 39 and currently 35 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. I had 2 miscarriages in quick succession before this pregnancy but this one’s been very easy and problem free. Good luck x

Ladies I'm so sorry about your losses and what you are going through.

I hope you all have good support and help around you. Here's a link to some information and support if you need it.

www.channel4.com/4viewers/help/miscarriage

Thinking of you 💜

I'm so sorry for your losses, all of you, and I hope that you go on to have successful pregnancies.

I had several losses all in quick succession, the last one at the age of 40. Our doctor told us to focus on something else. Overwhelmed with grief, we stopped trying. But, I got pregnant again and by the age of 42 I had a DC.

Don't give up hope.

If you haven't already, look up Angelbump's fertility profile, consider traditional chinese medicine, acupuncture and blood thinners like aspirin and clexane. These are the things that helped me.

I didn’t actually manage to fall pregnant again after my first at 40 but I think it’s positive that you are able to get pregnant and that would give me hope.

I think there are supplements that improve egg (and sperm) quality so I would look into those firstly. Q10, DHEA maybe it’s been a long time for me so things might have changed.

Sorry for your losses and wish you the best of luck.

I think it can just be a matter of egg quality unfortunately, which is not something you can really affect if you’re already in good health. But if you can get pregnant, it’s a good sign.

If you haven't done so already do make an appointment with your GP to discuss the 4 X consecutive miscarriages. Most of the time there may be no obvious reversible or treatable factor / cause, but it would be a shame to miss something medical, and it may be that taking aspirin if you fall pregnant again would be recommended (I'm afraid I don't know the guidance exactly). Best of luck and sorry for your losses x

Hi OP I had my 4th child at 47….we had two miscarriages in the two years before her and were recommended to get a private prescription for progesterone to help support the pregnancy in the first 12 weeks. She’s now a healthy 5 yr old. Maybe give this some research, you’re a little younger than I was but you never know, it may help. Good luck!

Hi there this is really tough and I’m sorry you had to go through this today. I’ve just given birth just after turning 44 to our first. This was after multiple miscarriages, 0 previous successful pregnancies and IVF.

i had to straddle the line of having to accept that it might not happen and that I would have to be ok with that and wanting to keep
trying. To be honest the successful cycle might have been our last. It was my mindset but who knows what I would have done when it came to the crunch.

I wish you all the luck

6 pregnancies, 2 heathy babies, the first and last pregnancy. It was tough, mentally and physically. You need to speak to the GP. They should put you on progesterone to help keep the pregnancy (if the pregnancy is viable). Also there’s an amazing doctor on Harley St in London who helped me a lot.

So sorry for you OP, it's devastating and not easy to talk about in day to day life.

I had a MMC just before I turned 40 (my 2nd) and figured I was done (no children). We kept trying anyway & I fell pregnant a year later, had DS at 41.

I hope something similar is in store for you 💐

If you’ve had early bleeding in pregnancy you qualify for progesterone. Tommy’s (mc charity) have some helpful information here for you to take to your GP. After 4 miscarriages you absolutely qualify for a referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic in your area. Don’t let anyone fob off by blaming age. I had x3 miscarriages in my 30s but I also conceived easily in my 40s and had my DS. Progesterone and aspirin helped me. I also had blood thinners after testing - I had a clotting issue.

good luck - I hope you manage to get the right support.

https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/health-professionals/early-pregnancy-bleeding-and-progesterone

forgot to add the link

It’s understandable to be thinking and feeling how you are thinking and feeling. My heart aches for you.

My first pregnancy went smoothly however it was followed by five miscarriages. When I was in the first trimester of my seventh pregnancy I had a few scares (bleeding) and of course assumed the worst. At that point I was ready to stop trying. I couldn’t go through it again- the TTC, the TWW and then the pain of the seemingly inevitable loss. It was exhausting and traumatic. However the seventh pregnancy gave us our miracle baby girl. During the pregnancy (and even after the birth) I felt constantly sick with anxiety, just waiting for something to go wrong. There were also moments of joy and hope. She is nearly eight months old now and I am finally starting to relax and trust that she is here to stay. I did start having therapy after the fifth miscarriage and continued during the first trimester of the seventh pregnancy. I also took progesterone and prednisone during the first trimester and antenatal vitamins, vitamin D and baby aspirin throughout.

I hope you get to meet your rainbow baby one day x

Thank you so much to everyone for sharing your experiences. I really appreciate it. My heart goes out to anyone else who’s had to endure miscarriages, and I am over the moon for those of you who went on to have your rainbow babies - that’s just so wonderful.

In answer to all the recommendations (thank you), I’m currently under the care of a consultant who did loads of tests and prescribed both progesterone and aspirin for this pregnancy, but they sadly didn’t work. I’ve been seeing a brilliant acupuncturist for a year and she is my lifeline, tried Chinese herbs, and supplements like Ubiquinol for egg quality (so expensive!). Also taking vitamins recommended by a nutritionist.

Considering looking into IVF with pre-implantation genetic screening in the new year as I feel it’s likely it’s down to egg quality and my age.

Crossing fingers and toes for anyone trying and sending all the positive thoughts your way.

Thank you so much for the wonderful reply. I have heard that acupuncture can work wonders for fertility. I will give it a go. I definitely want to prepare my body well before I try again.

I will say our successful IVF cycle was the one we decided to go with acupuncture. I would also say if counselling is included take it! Use it! I don’t think I realised how much I bottled up and the presence of a completely unbiased and uninvested person whose only job was to listen to what I was going through without judgement was incredible. I also got a fertility massage the night before my egg collection and I was so relaxed it was unreal. I recovered better than previous cycles and felt more positive. That cycle just ‘felt’ different all along.

My counsellor got me to envision being pregnant and holding my baby which was incredibly difficult at first but after I found out we had a positive became part of our road to acceptance that this might actually come to fruition. I was anxious that it wouldn’t last and had to make conscious choices to acknowledge that a positive outcome was possible. Right up to delivery I used tools she helped me with.

Hi, I am so sorry for your losses - miscarriage is so cruel. I had a healthy easy pregnancy at age 39. He did take 8 months to conceive but I put that down to age.

When he was nearly one (so I had just turned 40). I got pregnant on first attempt and lost that baby at 9 weeks. We tried again and lost that baby at 8 weeks.

We had one last try and I fell pregnant again just before I was 41 and luckily that pregnancy made it.

I still think back to now how tough those two mc were so my heart goes out to.

Getting pregnant after 40 isn't easy (not for me). My last two pregnancy were aided using an ovulation drug called letrozole. I used it twice and fell pregnant on those cycles. I got it via a private prescription from my consultant.

Good luck and hope for happier news for you.