I want to name my baby.

[PaganOfTheGoodTimes]

Yesterday I miscarried my 13 week baby boy, just four days after getting the NIPT back that said he was aok. DH is being brilliant and looking after me and our other DC but doesn't want to talk about giving the baby a name, but I really want to. I just don't know what or why its so important to me, but ...

I'm so sad. I'm not quite sure what I'm after from this thread, I just wanted to get it ourlt somewhere as I hadn't told anyone yet I was pregnant and we have no one who would be supportive anyway.

I think its a lovely idea. He did exist and he was your son.
So sorry for your loss xxx

I’m very sorry for your loss.

Having been through the same, I think you should do whatever brings you comfort. It’s absolutely fine to acknowledge the “lost baby” if that’s how you see it, to give him a name and so on. I hope you can reach out to your DH to explain how you are feeling, and perhaps confide to close friends about the pregnancy and loss. Please feel whatever you feel without censoring yourself - ime it’s the best way to heal.

I gave my miscarried baby a name. I knew dh wouldn’t be bothered either way (I know that makes it sounds like he didn’t care, he really did care and was really upset by the miscarriage but just shows his feelings in a different way to me), so I chose a name, bought a special ornament (one of those willow tree figures) and told dh the name of the baby and that the figure was to signify what we had lost. He understood and does remember what I named our baby.

You need to do whatever you need to do to get through this time. If naming your baby seems like something you would like to do, that’s ok. We all grieve differently.

if you want to talk about what you are going through to someone in real life, there are groups out there for women going through miscarriage. My friend went to one and found it really helpful talking to others (she didn’t feel comfortable talking to real life friends, but was happy talking to strangers. She did make a new friend from the group though).

So sorry for your loss, please be kind to yourself. I named all three of our lost boys and it brings me comfort.

Oh this is so tough. I’ve experienced a few of these sadly. I think you should give a name if it will help you. Your husband has also experienced a loss and may not feel comfortable discussing or giving a name. I personally didn’t do it as it would have made me feel worse. I think if you talk to someone else and use the name with them it may help you, but also don’t try and pressure your husband to do something he doesn’t whilst you are both grieving. You both may feel differently after a bit of time.

I'm so so sorry for your loss 💚
I think a name is a beautiful idea but also just do what feels right for you .. I had a tattoo done for my losses and I have framed flowers I collected on what would have been their first birthday.. it makes me feel better but isn't what others might do. But that doesn't matter
How ever you want to honour them, honour them ❣️

I’m so sorry for your loss. Hopefully with time your husband will feel more comfortable talking about it. If naming baby will bring you comfort then do what’s best for you. Naming my babies helped me so much. I had 2 miscarriages this year, found out both times at 15 week gender scans, one baby passed at 14 weeks and the other at 13 weeks. We chose to name them and to bury them both. Reach out and speak to someone when you feel ready. You can ask to see a bereavement midwife. Mine has been wonderful, she messages to check in and has even come for a home visit to see me.

Thank you everyone. I won't pressure DH, it's just a strange hard time. I will think of a name for me to use in my head. I had no ideas as we're very much a wait until the last minute and 27 baby name books have been read to name babies.

This is my 3rd loss but this feels 'real' to me as with the others I was only 5ish wks each time (no offence to those who've suffered earlier losses, this is all me).

I’m so so sorry OP. Any loss at any time is so hard and multiple losses are crushing. You are his DM, he is your DS and for 13 weeks he knew your safety and love. If you want to name him, even if for now, his name is something just you hold to yourself, then do it💐

I named both my lost babies (sex unknown). After I lost the first I dreamed I had died and was looking forward to meeting my lost baby, but because I didn't know it's name, I couldn't call to it.

Both have intensely private gender neutral names that nobody else but DH knows.