I had a breakdown making a wardrobe today

[Horriblewoman]

Yes this is in the right forum 😁

My period came today like clockwork after 18 months of trying, three miscarriages and no successful pregnancies.

I thought I’d build a wardrobe to feel like I’m not a total failure at everything but got something wrong and just sat there sobbing while holding a hammer and a broken wooden thing until my husband found me and had to peel me off the floor.

I just feel like there’s no hope and as a successful professional woman with an amazing group of friends (all of whom have kids) and family and husband, not being able to be ’good’ at this getting pregnant thing is clearly having a much bigger impact than I thought.

We‘ve got our first fertility appointment in a couple of weeks, really hoping they find something they can fix because I can’t go on.

not sure why I’ve written this post but just has to write down how pathetic I feel!

I’m sorry you’re in so much pain. Last year at Christmas I was a mess having had 3 miscarriages. Nothing would have cheered me up. I hated the joy of Christmas and all the family things. The pain of wanting a child is horrible and totally understand why you feel that way.
The only thing in your control is to be proactive and go to your appointments, monitor ovulation, take a supplement etc
Things can turn round very fast. 10 months to the day after my last miscarriage I had a baby without doing anything very different. I hope that you still have hope and get your good news soon xx

I'm so sorry you're having such a shit time.

You're not a failure.

Many people would run from the prospect of assembling flat pack furniture on a good day - you're clearly far stronger than you see or feel that you'd attempt it on a crap day!

I really hope things start to progress from the fertility appointment. Have you had any professional support to help you with the emotional toll this is taking? It's not failing to allow people to support you. 💐

@Horriblewoman You are absolutely not a failure. It's not possible to remind yourself of that too often. The way someone described it to me on the MC support thread on this forum is that this is your body protecting you from something that just wasn't right at the time, not your body letting you down - when I'm rational I find that helps me (although my brain does not always work rationally!). I hope your fertility appointment starts to move you towards getting some answers, but be gentle with yourself as you go. ❤

And I completely feel you with the breaking down over random seemingly trivial things - I had a meltdown on Friday because the brush broke while I was painting my nails and it felt like the worst thing ever.