Ectopic pregnancy…received an ante natal appointment

[November23]

AIBU that I’m currently under going investigations for an ectopic pregnancy but have just received an ante natal appointment letter and I’m angry? I cannot get any answers as to what is happening (I’m currently having 48 hourly blood tests for my hcg levels), I have family members asking “is there any chance you could still be pregnant?” And now I’ve got the appointment letter!

I am completely fed up with everything that is going on 😔 I want to call them up and ask if it is a mistake but I don’t feel strong enough to yet.

I had a very similar experience, sorry you're dealing with it too is it recent enough that it may have been a pre-generated letter by their computer system?

So sorry, I had similar happen to me after a tfmr and its shit. I did tell the hospital and they apologised but it's awful enough without the reminder of what could be 💐

I am so sorry you went through something similar too 😔 surely they could design a block on these letters being sent?! The hospital were only aware of my pregnancy when I attended A&E and I stayed overnight on the EPU (which is another criticism I have as I and others are around healthy pregnant mums 😢)

I hope something will change in the future for pregnant women already going through this trauma 💐

I am so sorry you went through something similar. You’re right, when it’s something you’ve wanted for so long it almost feels like a very cruel joke being played. Sending you love 💐

I'm so sorry for all you're going through I hope you have some clarity soon

I imagine the letter/appt was automatically generated. The gynae dept, where you're currently being seen, is usually separate to obstetrics. If you can face it you could contact PALS and explain this is distressing for you. Otherwise ignore the letter/appt.

It's awful when it happens. I had an MMC at 12 weeks. I still recall the snotty phone call when I'd have been 20 weeks, ticking me off for not attending the 20 weeks scan. When I tersely noted that I had lost the baby and I didn't appreciate the tone, they said, don't blame them, the systems don't join up - no apology, no sympathy.

I still recall putting the phone down as she was speaking and it was more than 25 years ago. The NHS being sh1t isn't new, not new at all.

It's really shit.

I got a phone call telling off from my Drs surgery for failing to turn up for my midwife booking appointment. Can't remember exactly how, but they'd not matched up my medical record with the hospital notes so missed that I'd been blue lighted to hospital and had been quite poorly. No one could look me in the eye when I went to collect my sick note for work later that week 🤦🏼‍♀️

I had awful treatment by the nhs. Atrociously treated in the epu, person who answered the phone couldn’t really speak English , told me to come in, couldn’t park the car as the 1000’s of spaces were taken cars abandoned everywhere with threats of car parking tickets , eventually found a bit of disused land to park, while worried I’d get a ticket, went in to hospital, no one knew anything about the call, then the same person who couldn’t speak English who was about 8 months pregnant herself tried to take my blood (I knew it was her as not speaking English properly) , in which I was saying why do you want to I’m here for a scan , didn’t understand at all and I left in tears. I went to another hospital 30 miles away who were much better and far more sympathetic but once they told me the baby didn’t have a heartbeat , booked an app for the following week, I started miscarrying before then so didn’t go to app, and I’ve heard nothing from them since. No doctors or hospital communication to find out if and when I miscarried. Luckily I have bupa so they have been great.

I had similar 17 years ago. I had to cancel my own scan appointments as apparently one department of the hospital couldn't possibly pass on information to another, oh no.

There was a whole heap of crapness about the way I was treated, managed, and spoken to, but the person I spoke to when I called to cancel was the only helpful and understanding person I had contact with. She asked if I needed to make another appointment and when I said no, she said 'I understand' and was just sensitive for the rest of the conversation.

It was shit then and it's shit now. And I'm very sorry you have had to experience that OP.

Oh and after the 12 week scan where the sac looked about 7 weeks I was put back in the waiting room with happy mothers waiting for or finishing their scans. It got worse, after the erpc late that night, I was in tears as I came round. The person in recovery simply said "oh did you want it", and as I dissolved completely told me to pull myself together and be quiet because there were other people to think about.

@November23 Sorry to hear what you are experiencing and that it's been made worse when it was already very painful for you - it will almost certainly be an automatically generated letter linked to an appointment that was already booked. I second the suggestion to contact your hospital's PALS team, if you want them to be aware of how distressing you have found receiving the letter - it may have simply been too late to change anything, but it is the best way to let them know you've had a poor experience and get a response from them. When I miscarried, my future appointments weren't cancelled until after I'd had a confirmatory scan - that wasn't ectopic so not sure whether that would have resulted in a slightly different process for cancelling appointments.

I had the same thing yesterday. Medical management for an ectopic pregnancy 8 days ago, even stayed in hospital for 3 days. Yesterday the midwife’s rang me to congratulate me and book my first appointment.

@Maybabyhopefull Depending on how you feel about it, you may want to write to your hospital to tell them that happened - I had something similar where I attended my booking appointment, found out the next day I was miscarrying and then had a call 4 days later from a midwife saying "everything was fine" with my blood test results from the booking appointment. I had to tell her everything definitely wasn't fine. I was so upset by the call that I wrote to the PALS team at the hospital to complain, and they wrote back to say that the midwife should have checked all of my notes before calling me and instead she only looked at the blood test results and therefore didn't know I had been in for a scan earlier that week. They apologised to me, and it's a training opportunity for them as they've had to remind their midwives about checking notes properly before calling people.