Please can I ask your advice

[Regularnewname1]

Apologies if this is not in the right section of Mumsnet.

I miscarried a few years ago, baby was 13 weeks gestation. I was given the remains and chose to bury them in the garden.

I’m moving house and really don’t know what to do. It feels wrong to exhume the remains and take them with me, but equally wrong to leave them at this house.

Also, if I do take them, I can’t carry on taking them wherever I live. Is it possible to arrange a cremation so I can have the ashes made into a locket or some other item does anyone know please?

Thank you

I am sorry about your loss. Have you tried talking to a funeral parlour director?

Thank you @Tiredbehyondbelief. No not yet, I’m thinking about that also.

I just wondered about the morals of it all.

I think cremation is a good idea. You can spread the ashes somewhere with meaning to you. Speaking with a funeral house would be a good idea, I agree. Best of luck.

I am a little bit worried what might happen if someone was to redevelop the garden after you move out. Do you belong to any religion? If yes, have you tried consulting a religious leader

@Vero85 thank you.

@Tiredbehyondbelief yes I’ve thought about that also. I’m not entirely sure that it will be possible to safely remove the remains, they are in a tin with another container inside the tin.

No, I’m not religious at all.

I’m going to contact a funeral director today and go from there. Part of me thinks I should just leave things as they are.
Pretty emotional about it all, hence me asking advice on here so thank you.

It's an emotional decision. I hope talking to the funeral director will bring you some clarity

Thank you, I’ve contacted them and also the office at the crematorium. The crematorium’s manager is going to contact me on Wednesday to talk about options I may have.

Please do keep me posted. It's a tough time you are going through. You might also reach out to the Chaplaincy Office at your local hospital. The Chaplaincy office at my hospital is very good- they have members of staff to support people of all denominations and none. They are really good for spiritual support even if you are not a religious person at all. The Chaplaincy Office might have some ideas of what options you have or might be good for your circumstances. Also, have you been on Miscarriage Association charity website? They have chat rooms, online support groups etc.

Thank you for your kindness, I really do appreciate your thoughts.

Thats a good idea actually, re the chaplaincy service at the hospital.

I’ve really struggled today, this has made it all so fresh again.

No I haven’t, I’ll look them up

I can tell you are really struggling. I hope you will get closure one day. Please do keep me posted

Hi @Tiredbehyondbelief, just to update. It’s taken a while as I’ve been unwell, but I now have a plan in terms of the practical side.
I contacted the hospital chaplain and he has been so kind. He is going to come and give a spiritual support when I do the removal which will be a massive comfort as it feels so wrong but I know that it is the next step that is needed.

Also knowing baby will have a final resting place will give me peace of mind.

Thank you for your kindness

Dear Regularnewname1, thank you for the update. I am so glad to hear you found the right support. May your little one rest in peace and may God support and comfort you always