How did you come to terms with miscarriage?

[Verso]

I had two missed miscarriages last year - one a couple of weeks before Christmas - and for some reason it's all started to hit me again just recently. I've found myself in tears over and over again. The slightest thing sets me off - hearing a baby cry, seeing a pregnant woman... I'm finding it hard to commute because I am constantly fighting back the tears for one thing and another.

I don't know what's 'normal'. I've had to deal with grief before in my life (dad, sister, two grandparents) but this feels so different.

I just want my babies back . It seems all my friends who had babies at the same time as my DD (I am lucky and already have one child) now have second - or even third - children. What's wrong with me?

But I know there's technically nothing wrong with me... I don't know what I'm asking here. Just does it make sense to have this kind of delayed reaction? and so intensely?

Some people have suggested planting a tree or suchlike but I know I just couldn't bear to see the blossom each spring and know what it meant...

Am seeing my GP tomorrow anyway for (unrelated) aches and pains. Should I tell her how badly this is affecting me?

We named our baby.

I came off hte rails after my miscarriage and became very, very depressed.

Prozac helped me, tbh.

I think you should tell your GP how this is affecting you.

I'm so sorry for your losses.

You're not alone.

I also had a missed miscarriage and an ERPC on 10 December, DD2's second birthday.

First of all, I am terribly sorry for your losses.

What you are feeling is totally natural, but please do mention it to your doctor as it could be PND, as cruel as that sounds. When my GP disgnosed me with PND following my second miscarriage I laughed at him and then broke my heart when I got home.

I do hope that I haven't upset you, but would rather you went to your doctor prepared. I was totally shocked at my diagnosis and it just seemed to add insult to injury.

x

hi Verso I am sorry to hear you are feeling low, I remember we miscarried around the same time last year.

I think you should tell the doctor if you feel he/ she might be sympathetic.

I have been finding it difficult too but not overwhelmingly so. mostly I just have moments of panic as I get older(39) and time seems to be running out.

I don't have any easy answers at all just been taking it easy and talking to dh and friends when I need to but I just wanted to acknowledge your post. you certainly have my heartfelt sympathy

Ive lost 5 babies in very different ways, and am lucky to have 2 beautiful boys at home. My most recent miscarriage was only a few weeks ago-my best friend is preggers and we were due the same day. She is thankfully very well and the baby is doing fine, I cant see how im going to cope with it when her baby does arrive, Im sure that it will be a double whammy and she will have a girl, my daughter was stillborn and baby girls still make me so sad.
So really im not sure how you cope, you just muddle through until one day you realise you are coping.

Thanks, both of you. I had PND after DD was born so it would make sense if that's what I have now - but it hadn't quite occurred to me. Just feel so lost and very very sad.

I'm not sure about going back on ADs as DH and I want to try again (I'm going to be 38 this year so time is running out) but on the other hand ttc is really upsetting me too...

Sorry. I'm not being very coherent, am I?!

sfxmum - crossed posts. I remember yours too. Ironic that I just posted about time running out as well... I know how you feel.

hi verso, i dont know if you remember me from the ttc after mc thread but i just want to add my tuppence. i feel your pain and have to say that its not got much easier for me, i just deal with it better now. agree with expat and red, you could be suffering from PND (after all, its a depression that strikes after you have been pg) we have a plant to commemorate our ep, but it also reminds me of our mc's and i quite like that. please go easy on yourself, youve been through a lot and need to give yourself a break x

(((hugs))) I am struggling too. I have had 4 m/c (6, 11, 20, 23 wks) and have been very lucky to have 3 normal pg's. I think loosing a baby is much harder than most other losses. I know the feeling about finding it hard with pg women and babies. I also feel isolated alot as none of my friends have m/c. I am not sure whether I am bereaved or depressed or which is normal xxxx

so sorry for you Verso. I'd say share everything with your GP, there may be something they can help you with.
The thing that helped me most after my MC was when the consultant told me something like: " think about planting a packet of seeds in the garden. You plant them in the same soil, they are exposed to the same environment, and you care for them all in the same way. Some will grow, some won't. It's nothing you've done wrong, and there's nothing wrong with you. That is nature and having babies is no different to that packet of seeds". Sorry if you don't like that, but it certainly helped me. Take care xx

verso at the moment I am just trying to let go of the idea of time running out and concentrating on feeling well, keeping PCOS under control and keeping depression at bay - some days are easier than other to be honest

I have some friends who had babies in their 40's and did quite well with everyone healthy, that gives me some hope

I agree that you need to concentrate on getting well now - you have plenty of time left to conceive sweetheart.

I would definately speak to your GP. It does sound like you may be depressed.

I had a mc October 2006 and since i have gone on to have a beautiful little boy who I adore but I still cry over the one I lost. When I mc I was told there may always be triggers or times where it will just happen to you, with or without reason. You have to go through a bereavement process with a mc and we are told these can take a few years. I think how you feel is normal, well for me it is - you can't rush these things but I think it is a good idea to let your GP know how you are feeling.