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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Early MC at 39 - feeling a bit hopeless

7 replies

Pandabumbles · 18/09/2023 08:07

I'm 39, currently TTC#2 and had an early MC last month. DS is 21 months and I just feel consumed with thoughts of "we left it too long to try", "he won't have a sibling and that's really hard" etc. I was convinced, stupidly, that it'd work straight away this cycle and have been testing like a crazy person since 9dpo. AF arrived this morning which is gutting. I had a MMC before DS at 36 and I did something similar in first cycle afterwards, think it is desperation to be pregnant again.

I know I can't predict the future but I can't shake the feeling that this won't happen. I've got 4 pregnant friends atm, 3 are ivf babies and 1 is to a much younger mum. Just feel like odds aren't in my favour.

Not sure why I'm posting, think I'm just looking for a bit of solidarity from anytime who gets it! Sending lots of love to those on these boards x

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 18/09/2023 08:10

I didn’t want to read and run.

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I know it’s so hard to focus on any positives right now and even harder when you’re surrounded by pregnant women.

Maybe try ease up on the pressure you’re putting on yourself, I think you’re being hard on yourself and really stressing yourself out which all won’t help get pregnant.

Your ds is so lucky to have you so no matter what happens, he will always have parents who love him.

Pashazade · 18/09/2023 08:16

Please don't fall into the cliche trap that only children suffer because of not having siblings. Some don't like it true but equally there are many of us who have never had an issue with it. So please take that pressure off yourself. Many siblings does not guarantee happiness.

Pandabumbles · 18/09/2023 08:24

*that should say solidarity from "anyone" who gets it! 🙈

OP posts:
Pandabumbles · 18/09/2023 08:29

@Pashazade thank you. You're totally right. I think because DH and I are a bit older and have been dealing with our own parents health issues and DH dad passing away, we kind of hope he had a sibling to share this stuff with.
@Hiddenvoice thank you, I know stressing isn't good for me generally. Think I need to take a step back. It's just hard. X

OP posts:
WolfMother326 · 19/09/2023 16:57

@Pandabumbles I'm in the exact same situation. 39, have a newly 2 year old son, just had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. It's so hard isn't it? I just wanted to say: don't beat yourself up, you didn't leave it too long and it's not your fault. The odds are you'll have a healthy baby soon. Try to relax and do nice things for yourself, whatever you like doing, and try to take good care and keep stress levels low.

Pandabumbles · 19/09/2023 17:36

@WolfMother326 I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for your injection of kindness and positivity... I'm probably not being very kind to myself at the moment! I really hope everything works out for you on your journey.
AF hasn't really turned into anything, just a few days of spotting which is a bit annoying, I just want my body back to normal so we can keep trying. Definitely not pregnant, BFN today on a frer which is 15DPO, so too late for any late BFP surprises.

OP posts:
WolfMother326 · 19/09/2023 17:43

@Pandabumbles your body will get there ♡ maybe it will take a month or two. What can you do that would be nice and maybe help achieve your goal but without dwelling? Like, going swimming or taking relaxing walks, or starting some new supplements, or trying to eat foods high in iron like spinach or steak? Small things but that will help you try to conceive in the long run and get your body healthier after the miscarriage. I'm still in the middle of it, but I took a short walk today and did a tiny bit of writing in my journal just telling myself I was OK.

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