17 weeks late miscarriage

[AngelAlessia]

It’s been two days and I’m driving myself insane!

It all started a week ago when I woke up to some pink discharge, I didn’t worry too much as we had our gender scan the next day.

Went to our gender scan and saw our beautiful baby girl, heart beat strong as an ox everything perfect!

continued to spot but still had the good scan in my head everything is fine

Sunday still spotting but slowed down

Monday had some stomach pains and continued spotting which then turned to blood so we went to EPU.

they did a scan checked my cervix everything was perfect! Stayed in hospital overnight due to bleeding but had scan the next day again everything perfect and they said that I had a low placenta. I had been showing signs of a water infection but no one had said that my infection markers were high even though I was getting chills and they sent me home without speaking to a Dr.

Got home and started bleeding clots. So we went back to the hospital where they checked cervix again all fine and was sent home.

Woke up the next morning to fluid so we rushed back in. Had heartbeat scan which saw heartbeat and cervix was closed.

m waited all day for a scan which showed no amniotic fluid and no heartbeat.

was told I needed to give birth which I did 16 hours later to a beautiful baby girl.

I just need to know what I done wrong! I hate my body for not being able to do the one thing it was made to do!

I just need to hear from people that maybe have gone through the same as we have no answers to what happened. Was it an infection they missed? All my swabs came back perfect but infection markers in blood which I’m now on antibiotics for. If I had noticed sooner would she still be here?

the need to fill this empty place in my stomach is overwhelming and I have no idea how I’m going to move on. Will this happen again?

do I do a post-mortem and hold onto the hope that I may find out but what are the chances?

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

I haven’t been through this but I want you to know that you did nothing wrong! You didn’t ignore the signs and went to the hospital to get checked out. Sometimes awful, tragic things happen and I’m so sorry it happened to you. Try to take some time to look after yourself and heal. If you think getting the post-mortem will help give you some closure or reassurance, then that’s what you should do.

[AngelAlessia]

Thank you for your kind words. They are very much needed ❤️

[LM88]

@AngelAlessia I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl ❤️
My baby girl was born sleeping at 19 weeks.
Cutting a long story short, mine is similiar in ways to you but my bleeding was much longer (7weeks infact) but everything showed the baby was amazing & doing well.
After pains and fluid loss, scan showed no fluid around baby and my world fell apart.

Since then, I have had my debrief, test results and placenta report back so I am kinda aware what happened. Take it you havent had anything like that yet?

We knew it wasnt anything relating to the baby as she was perfect throughout, I wanted her to be at rest and at peace. So we decided to test the placenta and I specifically asked for a copy of the results.

It was deemed either imcompetent cervix or infection (whilst waiting for debrief and results i done tons of research on both) turns out part of placenta came away from uterus and everything went wrong from there.

Easier said than done, do not blame yourself at all and it is hell. Its the worst thing to go through, Ive had counselling and got lots of support around me & a little girl whose 4 who has literally saved my life!

It is easy to create scenarios, what ifs and blame yourself but if you do need a chat, please message me. I got more comfort from people who “got it” and understood what i had been through.

Sending you lots of love! Xx

[AngelAlessia]

Thank you ❤️
I have sent you a PM I hope you don’t mind
xxxxx

[Pumpkinspice13]

You have done nothing wrong! I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s so hard not knowing. Do you have the support of a bereavement midwife? Ask for a phone call or home visit to speak things through and see what options you have for tests. It can be a lot of information when you are still in hospital with baby and can be very overwhelming. I lost 2 babies and found out with both at my 15 week gender scans. Both had passed around the same time and I have no idea why. I didn’t have placenta tested the first time as I delivered before 16 weeks but I’m having the placenta tested this time as I delivered after 16 weeks.

[AngelAlessia]

I’m so sorry you have gone through this twice! It’s not fair 😢

I’m in two minds with regards to placenta testing as I don’t want to cling on to hope of finding out for nothing to come back and having to grieve all over again!

i have a visit from my bereavement midwife tomorrow.

I want to ttc as soon as I’m given the all clear but the fear of it happening again is also lingering at the back of my mind!

[Pumpkinspice13]

Speak with your bereavement midwife about it, she may be able to offer you some advice. As you were over 16 weeks they should monitor you a lot more closely when you become pregnant again. I wish you the best of luck for the future!

[AngelAlessia]

Thank you so much!
I hope you are able to get some answers ❤️

[Shrillwaffle]

@AngelAlessia i feel you ♥️ I lost my baby girl she was born sleeping last year at 23+5 and I’m now 20 weeks pregnant and full of fear every single day. Nothing will ever take away being told ‘sorry for your loss’. I didn’t have any signs or bleeding or nothing, just felt her moving strong from 18 weeks and felt no movement one day. In fact I thought we’d be straight home.

it’s completely up to you whether to have a post mortem or not. I chose not to as I couldn’t bare the thought of them ‘investigating’ my baby I just wanted to put her to rest. When she was born they did say they found nothing wrong with her. They did look at my placenta though and concluded she had a hypercoiled cord (very long looped cord) which they believe cut off boood supply. I’m pregnant again now and I’m glad I had my placenta looked at as I could stop blaming myself and kinda knowing right that was very rare and ‘one of those things’ so I don’t think it would happen again.

seek support when you need it don’t shut down you are never alone ♥️

[Hampstead16]

Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. This is possibly the worst thing anyone can go through. I found it helpful to speak to people with similar situations.

We also lost a baby girl at 16+2 weeks in April, same as you I had bleeding for around three days but every time I was checked there was no cause. No bleeding on scan and cervix was long and closed. Third night of bleeding experienced some pain in my abdomen and lower back and called for advice as my temp was 39.2 but they said it was likely a ‘stomach bug’. The next day the pain was that unbearable I had to go in, baby had a heartbeat whilst I was in but shortly after my waters broke and I delivered her. The pain was worse than delivering my full term son!

We had a funeral and opted to have the placenta tested, not the baby. It told us she had no chromosomal abnormalities and there was nothing wrong with the placenta. The Dr who did the debrief who had delivered her said she thinks it was most likely the placenta coming away from the uterus and the pain was due to all the bleeding. As they cannot rule out cervical incompetence they’re scanning my cervix 2-3 weeks as I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant. Very daunting and dreadful feeling being pregnant again, just waiting to go to the toilet and see something that shouldn’t be there. Also commenced progesterone pessaries and aspirin. My clotting bloods come back fine.

We had a funeral and had the baby cremated. I hope this helps you realise you’re not alone. Thinking of you and your family in this awful time. We wait for 12 weeks and expect everything to go smoothly and sometimes it just doesn’t work out like that 🥺 if you want any further info. Please done hesitate to message 🤍

[MizzMarple]

hi I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s the most awful thing. I lost my baby a few weeks ago at 16 weeks. We have no idea what caused it too. I had no signs at all and found out there was no heartbeat at a routine 16 scan (was high risk so had an extra one). They could tell it had only happened very recently.
I did say yes to the postmortem. I don’t think it was the wrong decision but it does mean a lot of waiting, especially for a funeral if that’s what you want. It’s been 4.5 weeks and it’s not completed yet. And then it’ll be a wait for the funeral. I’ve also been told it’ll be at least 10 weeks before I get the results. It’s such a lonely time

[AngelAlessia]

I just want to say thank you to you all for sharing your experiences and having to write what happened in itself to help someone else understand shows strength in itself.

we chose to have the placenta tested some results we have back already all showing normal so far. Unfortunately I have a feeling our results won’t show much but you all have helped me understand that this sometimes is the case.

thank you all again and I’m so very very sorry for your losses and those carrying again I pray you have a successful pregnancy.

thank you ❤️❤️❤️