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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

How long to wait

45 replies

WolfMother326 · 13/09/2023 21:01

Hello,
I have just had a confirmed loss at 8.5 weeks. I think it happened just under two weeks ago, as I has a good early scan at that time and then immediately after started to lose symptoms. 2 days ago I started cramping and bleeding lightly. Today I had a scan at the EPU and there was no heartbeat and the baby was measuring under 6 weeks (despite having measured healthy at 6+4) and the sack had collapsed and womb full of blood. The EPU said I couldn't have any medical management and to wait it out.

I'm bleeding a bit more now but not a lot, just feeling sick and crampy.

my question is how long should I expect to wait to pass everything? Thank you.

OP posts:

CluelessInLondon · 16/09/2023 16:28

@WolfMother326 I've been put off going for the pills on the basis that if I've got some control over it I'd rather take the option that feels least traumatic - the surgical option definitely feels more controlled and more certain, versus taking the pills and having to deal with the pain and bleeding at home. It's so frustrating not knowing what will happen and when though - I'm trying to keep myself distracted over the weekend and relax as much as I can. Lots of Netflix and reading! Hope you are looking after yourself.

Original poster

WolfMother326 · 17/09/2023 21:22

Thanks @CluelessInLondon I feel much the same- I'm just trying to distract myself at this point. Feeling a lot calmer but the waiting game is rough.

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Original poster

WolfMother326 · 19/09/2023 12:45

How are you doing @CluelessInLondon? Any change?

I've got my hospital appointment this afternoon, really feeling fragile and I hope they are helpful or have some useful advice/steps to take.

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CluelessInLondon · 19/09/2023 12:52

@WolfMother326 No change for me, seem to be bleeding less (at one point yesterday it even stopped completely) so no idea what that means, if anything. Having no idea what's going on inside my body just really messes with my head. I've got my follow-up scan on Thursday morning and I'm almost looking forward to it - not in the sense of happy to be going to it, but I really need to feel like things are moving on.

Good luck for your appointment today, I hope you can at least come away with an idea of what the next steps are and what your options are in case you need them. Let me know how you get on xx

Original poster

WolfMother326 · 19/09/2023 13:01

@CluelessInLondon Ah, sorry to hear you're still in limbo too. I'm in the exact same situation and mindset about 'looking forward' to the appointment. I have practically stopped bleeding as well, though I'm feeling crampy. I will let you know how it goes.

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CluelessInLondon · 20/09/2023 09:20

@WolfMother326 How did you get on yesterday? Any closer to knowing what happens next for you? Hope you are feeling okay today.

Original poster

WolfMother326 · 20/09/2023 10:04

Hi @CluelessInLondon thanks for checking in. I had a scan yesterday and then spent hours waiting to speak to the consultant. I'm back here this morning. Nothing had changed and the nurse and sonographer suggested I could have a surgical management procedure tomorrow, so I'm trying to organise that now. I've stopped cramping and bleeding and they said that meant it could take quite a while longer to happen naturally. I just want to move on now if I can.

How are you feeling?

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CluelessInLondon · 20/09/2023 10:19

@WolfMother326 How do you feel about having the surgical management? I think you originally said you wanted to wait it out and see what happens?

I'm feeling okay today, no real change for me - similar to you, I've stopped bleeding and I'm only getting occasional mild cramping now so it looks like my body isn't in any hurry to give up the pregnancy. I've got my scan first thing tomorrow morning and I'm hoping it will be possible to get booked in for surgical management fairly quickly. I'm a bit freaked out/nervous about the idea of having it but think it will make a really big difference to feel like it's over.

Original poster

WolfMother326 · 20/09/2023 10:32

@CluelessInLondon I originally wanted to wait it out, but the past 8 days have been really emotionally difficult. The sonographer also said that my cervix is fully closed and as my bleeding and cramping have stopped, it could be weeks longer. I just don't think I can handle waiting. Maybe I'm weak, but I want to move on if I can.
I'll keep you posted about what happens, also let me know how your appointment is tomorrow ❤️

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CluelessInLondon · 20/09/2023 11:04

@WolfMother326 I think that's fair enough and I don't think you should feel weak at all for wanting to move on - it's really hard to be in this 'in between' state just waiting to see what happens. A bit of certainty is important at such an emotionally draining time, it gives you something to look towards and a point where you can start to feel like you're looking forward - you deserve to have that, so definitely don't feel bad about it. ❤

Original poster

WolfMother326 · 21/09/2023 15:32

Hi @CluelessInLondon, how did your appointment go today?

I had the surgical management this morning. It all went well and I felt OK afterwards, not any more pain than last week, and a lot of relief. I'm now back home resting. I think it was the right choice as emotionally I already feel a shift.

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CluelessInLondon · 21/09/2023 16:42

@WolfMother326 Appointment went pretty much as expected - no change so I am booked in for surgical management tomorrow. I was surprised by how emotional I felt after the appointment, considering I've had a week and a half to get used to the idea, but it still feels a bit unreal, like it can't really be happening. I'm glad they're able to do it quickly though, I think it will make a big difference to my outlook if I feel like I can start looking forward again.

I'm glad to hear your surgery today went well and that you're feeling alright. I'm feeling quite nervous about tomorrow as I've never had any kind of surgery before, but everything I've heard about it is that it should be pretty straightforward and over quite quickly. Make sure you get lots of rest over the next few days and look after yourself.

Original poster

WolfMother326 · 21/09/2023 17:49

@CluelessInLondon it's so hard, isn't it? I was really weepy all day yesterday and also this morning. I was both nervous for the procedure and also sad about the baby and weirdly felt upset about the idea of leaving them behind. But the staff were all really efficient and kind so it felt routine and simple, and when I woke up I felt different and relieved. I'm still sad but somehow just way better. Also very light bleeding (though I recommend getting some cocodamol and ibuprofen for at home). I hope your day goes as smoothly as mine.

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worldwidetravel2017 · 21/09/2023 19:46

( ignore this post -, posted in wrong topic)

Original poster

WolfMother326 · 22/09/2023 16:09

Hey @CluelessInLondon, hope you're doing ok and that the day went well ♡

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CluelessInLondon · 22/09/2023 16:21

@WolfMother326 Thanks for checking in. It went fine, although I found the whole thing really distressing - it didn't help that the ward I was meant to be on was closed so they had to move me to the elective surgical unit where relatives aren't allowed, so my husband couldn't sit with me and I had to wait alone before going to theatre and he couldn't be there when I came back either. It was a long day too, I was at the hospital for nearly 8 hours and I just felt really upset for a lot of the time. I'm home now though and feeling ok - not too much pain or bleeding, so just resting up.

How are you feeling today?

Original poster

WolfMother326 · 22/09/2023 16:50

Oh no, I'm sorry that happened. It helps so much having a supportive partner with you. And that sounds like a very long time to be there. I'm glad that you're home and resting now at least.
I'm doing ok today, not really bleeding anymore, just a bit crampy and very tired. I'm resting a lot and also doing some writing in my journal, watching funny movies. I definitely feel sad! I understand why people immediately want to try again. It's such a shock to the system going from being pregnant to suddenly not.
Hope you have a relaxed weekend.

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Original poster

WolfMother326 · 26/09/2023 20:58

Hi @CluelessInLondon, hope you're doing alright.

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CluelessInLondon · 26/09/2023 22:23

Hey @WolfMother326 , thanks for checking in. It's been a rough couple of days but feeling a bit better today. I think I've had the big hormone crash that I was warned about before the surgery, so Sunday afternoon/evening and yesterday were pretty awful and I was really struggling. Not as emotionally up and down today, although every time I think I've turned a corner I seem to end up having a setback so I'm not quite ready to assume it's all uphill from here...

How are you feeling? Hope the recovery is going okay.

Original poster

WolfMother326 · 28/09/2023 13:31

Hey @CluelessInLondon glad that you're starting to feel a little better. I know what you mean about the hormonal crash, I felt really off and weird for several days and then a lot of crying yesterday, but today I'm doing a little better. I am still very slightly cramping and bleeding. I think the first week is just so rough. I hope you continue feeling moe yourself.

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