What did you do with 'remains'?

[BananaHammock23]

I recently had an ectopic that resulted in surgery to remove the pregnancy along with my fallopian tube. Before I had the op, I was blindsided with the question about what I wanted to do with the 'remains'... the options were communal cremation (which I didn't like the idea of), private cremation (which I couldn't afford) or taking them home, which is what I chose. Now they're at the hospital ready to collect, I don't really know what to do with them. I thought I'd want to plant them with a tree in a pot in the garden but I hate the thought of them being outside on their own. Same with my initial thought of releasing them in the sea near where I live. I feel like I want them with me but I can't see how I can do that. I'm finding it really difficult and find myself attributing a personality to this tiny baby (I was only 7 weeks) and I feel so heartbroken. Would be great to hear if anyone has any experience. Thanks x

I didn't even know this was an option. I had a live ectopic at 12 weeks and I was never asked. It was emergency surgery and all very scary though - I'm not really sure what I'd have said if asked.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. I agree with others - there's no right or wrong here. Think about what would bring you the most comfort in this incredibly difficult situation.

I had a first tri loss that absolutely destroyed me. I ended up with a piece of jewellery, a ring, with a design that meant something to me, and to my mind meant that I could always keep my son with me.

The hospital 18 years ago didn't ask me if there were any remain let alone have any type of tick box to dispose of the remains or anything like that

You were just left a big black uncaring void to navigate the trauma on your own. Fortunately I had a very understanding manager and worked at a large blue chip company and my DH was very supportive

Sorry for your loss.

Have a look at tree of hope creation on Instagram. She makes lovely things from ashes. I was tempted to get something from her but ended up getting an urn necklace from Etsy. It’s just an engraved gold bar and I’ve put a bit of ashes in it.