Hello,
A bit if context; I am a mum of 2. My daughter is currently laying in my arms asleep and my son I lost last year when I was 33 weeks pregnant. I am also turning 30 this year.
One of the things I want to do at 30 is get my first ever tattoo. I really want to get a tattoo of a lioness and her cub to represent me and my angel baby. But I am feeling guilt for not planning to include my daughter in the tattoo. My daughter is named after a flower, so was thinking of also getting a separate tattoo of that flower. But something in me still feels guilty and I'm not sure if I am being unreasonably tough on myself or whether I should listen to this guilt.
I mean I want a tattoo that covers my entire arm to represent me and my angel baby but only a tiny flower tattoo in another location for my 2nd child. It would mean a lot to me to carry a representation of hugging my angel baby, because I don't get to do it. But I actually get to hug my daughter all the time; I don't need something to remind me of that. I am gifted with her every single day. But do you think my daughter will understand as she gets older? I don't want her to feel like my heart is only for my son and that she is second best or a replacement because she is not and never will be. But at the same time, the tattoo I want, I love astetically and love the reminder of me hugging him always.
What are peoples thoughts? Although I have lost my son, I'm still learning to balance my motherhood for them both; I will feel guilty for not thinking about him all the time but also guilt of I think about him too much as I don't want to take my time or energy away from my daughter. I think people who have never lost a baby at any gestation may not understand that you still mother your lost babies but in such a different way and it's still a balancing act.