Scared to become pregnant incase I miscarry again

[abstract13]

As it says - me and my fiancé have been trying for a baby since October last year, I had a chemical in November and then a missed miscarriage in June, I made it to my 12 week scan to be told our baby died at 8 weeks (just 3 days after seeing our little bean on screen) it was probably the most horrific thing we've gone through. Without the emotional pain, the actual physical pain was something I'd never want to go through again, I thought i was going to die (I miscarried naturally at home) I'm 27 with no live kids & my partner is nearly 40 with 2 children, we get married in less than 2 months and we are so desperate for a baby and the kids really want a sibling. I'm on my TWW as of today, so I'm a bit on edge. As much as I want a baby, I'm so scared, what if I loose this baby too, I don't think either of us could do it again but I know we'd get through it together. I guess I'm asking how do you get over the fear of miscarrying after having losses previous? I just want a baby in my arms, I always think if I get pregnant again, it would be a miserable experience because I'd be so scared and checking for blood all the time. Would a doctor see us after a year of trying with 2 miscarriages or not? There's not much point to this post. Just a handhold I guess 💐

Bump x

Honestly what keeps me going is knowing that without taking that risk I don't get kids full stop. I've had 2 missed miscarriages, no living children, and have started TTC again now since the loss in July. I'm trying to take it one step at a time, first step is getting pregnant again and everything else I will deal with if/when I get there x

I'm so sorry, life can be very cruel.

I do agree with PP; one step at a time.

I had a MMC and then took a very long time to fall pregant again. When I finally did, it was a really anxious time and I did a few early scans before the 12 weeks to keep me sane.

Ultimately, for me the worry and anxiety is worth it, but it's bloody hard to experience.

I feel this 💯 and I’m experiencing it right now. I lost my baby last year at 23+5 weeks totally unexpectedly no signs symptoms nothing just reduced movement that concerned me so I thought I’d get checked. I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant and I’m absolutely in an emotional mess right now constantly and anxious scared. But like someone said in this post allready, if I want a baby in my arms I’ll have to go through this the one only positive thing I keep thinking is this will all be worth it when I have my baby here safe and sound. I wish you all the best x

@abstract13 I agree with the other replies. After going through a MMC at 13 weeks this year, the thing that made me TTC again was the hope that one day I will hold my own baby in my arms. Currently 4 weeks pregnant again and not going to lie, the anxiety is awful. But I know I have to go though this to get my rainbow baby.

After I miscarried it took us 2.5 years to get pregnant again. It was so difficult during the early weeks and I kept analysing every symptom as another mc on its way. I actually had two private scans before NHS ones started just for peace of mind. We have now a beautiful 16 month old and everything I went through in the past was worth it. As pp say, you have to keep going and try. Good luck!

I’ve had over ten miscarriages. I also have 3 children. There’s nothing wrong, just bad luck really. There’s always the fear of another loss but the chance of a successful pregnancy was always too big a draw for me. If I’d given up I wouldn’t have my children and they are worth all of the horrific pain.

Look after yourself and take your time if you need to.

It’s understandable to be thinking and feeling how you are thinking and feeling. My first pregnancy went smoothly however it was followed by five miscarriages. When I was in the first trimester of my seventh pregnancy I had a few scares (bleeding) and of course assumed the worst. At that point I was ready to stop trying. I couldn’t go through it again- the TTC, the TWW and then the pain of the seemingly inevitable loss. It was exhausting and traumatic. However the seventh pregnancy gave us our miracle baby girl. During the pregnancy (and even after the birth) I felt constantly sick with anxiety, just waiting for something to go wrong. There were also moments of joy and hope. She is nearly six months old now and I am finally starting to relax and trust that she is here to stay. I did start having therapy after the fifth miscarriage and continued during the first trimester of the seventh pregnancy. I also took progesterone and prednisone during the first trimester and antenatal vitamins, vitamin D and baby aspirin throughout.

I hope you get to meet your rainbow baby one day x

I can hand hold as I'm in your exact position! I've just turned 27.

I had a 13 week loss in January (she was 11 weeks - chromosome abnormalities). I also had a 14 week loss this June (he was 13w5d - also chromosome abnormalities - was going to tfmr after the cvs results but he went on his own). The doctor was surprised both babies made it that far with their conditions. No living babies yet.

I am currently 3dpo in our first cycle ttc since.

My fetal medicine doctor said 1 in 20 will have two consecutive losses (that's still a huge number of people), and that the best indicator of having a baby is that you got pregnant in the first place. And in our case, we got pregnant twice!

Just FYI, we had all our checks and everything is normal, lots of active follicles and we got pregnant within two cycles each time. Sadly, if over 25% of pregnancies are lost, I don't think it's too difficult to fall into that twice. I would try to see a doctor and ask for checks if it puts your mind at ease, mine said some NHS trusts have started doing tests after two losses to help ease anxieties.

It’s very understandable and normal. You don’t have to rush, wait until you feel ready, especially if you have a wedding soon why not leave it until after that. And definitely don’t feel pressure from others like your step kids, it’s your decision. Your likelihood of it happening again if the same as anyone else’s statistically. I had a loss at home at 11 weeks, and oddly I am feeling more reassured with another pregnancy because I know what it’s like, and would be less panicked,

Last year I had a miscarriage and then went on to have a molar pregnancy. I went through months of follow up with oncology to ensure I didn't need any chemotherapy because of the molar pregnancy. My follow up ended in February this year. I was scared to try again because what if it all happened again?
Turns out, I was already pregnant at my final follow up test and I'm due in October.

Every pregnancy is different and not all end well, it's stressful and traumatic, even when it's a viable pregnancy.

Would I have regretted not trying again? Yes, absolutely.

This is my thread! (NC)

I found out I was pregnant 10 days after this thread, I'm now 4+3 and trying to remain as calm as possible. Thank you all for your kind words when I first posted this thread x

& I'm so sorry to read about everyone's losses, it is so sad we have to go through this!

Congratulations, I'm so happy for you 😍

@vampire13 big big congratulations

Congrats @vampire13! That's fantastic news!

I also found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant too! Hopefully we get our double rainbows! X

Thank you so much everyone! Praying for a sticky baby!!

@Effie96 congratulations!! How do you feel?

That’s a lovely update @vampire13 congratulations! Though I’m sure it doesn’t magic away the worries you had when you started the thread. Have you been able to find any ways to ease the anxiety? (I’m hoping I’ll be in your position soon, about to TTC again after a very complicated MC earlier this year.)

@Oxalis00 thank you so much! Actually since I've found out I'm pregnant I've been really calm, quite zen. I've not thought about it much, I'm trying to take 1 day at a time. Last time I was constantly ill trying to 'stop' anything bad from happening and it happened anyway. So I've been much more relaxed now, I don't know if that will change as the weeks go on. I'm sorry to hear about your MC and wish you all the best TTC, it's a tough journey

Calm and zen sounds amazing! Good for you. You’re absolutely right that we can’t change a thing by worrying, and only make ourselves feel worse. One day at a time is right. Good luck to you - and keep us posted!

@vampire13 I'm feeling cautiously optimistic. The trouble is hiding it, I don't want to tell anyone until 20 weeks this time if I can. (I can't un-tell everyone for a third time) I have an anteverted uterus and I'm very small so everything pops so quickly. Probably just a blump I'm sure 😂

How are you feeling about it all?? x

@Effie96 im doing exactly the same thing waiting until the 20 week scan for the same reason it was horrible having to tell everyone what happened