First baby should of been due early March - pregnant again but feeling so sad about first baby

[Lcy]

I feeling so sad and confused at the moment. I had a missed mc at 11 weeks in August and the baby was due early March. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and know i am so lucky but as the due date creeps closer i just feel so sad for the baby i lost. I then feel guilty because if i hadn't lost the first baby i would not be pregnant with this very much loved and wanted baby. This pregnancy has been so stressful because i bled for the first 3 months and i constantly worried i was miscarrying again - i just feel so worried all the time. I have only spoken to my DH about it and he is understanding but seems to think that this pregnancy makes the feelings about the miscarriage go away. I love being pregnant with this baby but i constantly worry that something will go wrong again. Any support would be appreciated.

Hi Lcy, I haven't been though this, but friends who have done make me think what you feel is very very normal in your situation. I'm sorry to hear you had so much stress at the start of this pregnancy.

Can you plan a special way to commemorate your first baby's due date when it comes? A ritual that helps the sadness be recognised?

Wishing you much love, xxx

So sorry you're having these confusing mixed feelings. I've been where you are and if it helps I felt exactly the same. I had a missed miscarriage and found out I was pregnant again a week before my original due date. I also felt guilt for the lost baby but once ds1 was born I accepted that this was simply the way things were supposed to be IYKWIM. It is of course sad and difficult to accept, but as you said about your pregnancy now - if things had turned out differently I wouldn't have him (and ds2 & ds3!)
Hope this has helped and lots of luck in your pg!

Thank you both - good to hear it is a normal reaction. I will have a think about something I could do to mark the due date x

i think what you're experiencing is so utterly normal, really. it is horrible and frightening, losing a baby, it's bound to have an impact on the next time. for me, the due dates were important in the run-up but then oddly calm and healing experiences. i hope its the same for you.