How long did you grieve for after your miscarriage?

[DisneyBaby]

Quick question, for those that have sadly lost babies during the first trimester before the 12 week scan, how long did you mourn for?

Understandably it's something you will think about for years to come from time to time but from what point did you feel like you really picked yourself back up again and could try again for another baby?

1st - tried in the 2nd cycle after we were allowed (I had tonsillitis the 1st cycle)
2nd - tried properly in the 3rd or 4th, can't quite remember.

I had ERPC with the first, MVA with the 2nd, so waited 2-3 weeks afterwards as instructed before PIV

Oh - after the 1st MC fell pregnant the 1st cycle we tried.

After the 2nd it took 2 cycles. The negative that 1st cycle hit me more than I had anticipated.

MC was also a bit of a reminder to make sure i was looking after myself physically and mentally.

I don’t think I mourned as such. There was an element of shock. I think we tried within the next two months.

I had a real serious pang on my due date but I was pregnant again by then so it wasn't as hard as it might have been. I had another pang when that child was 6 months old. Just over ten years on, I still feel like I have a child in the middle that never made it. I'll always feel that I had five children, not four. I think that you feel what you feel and there's no right or wrong way to feel about any pregnancy that didn't make it.

After 3 years TTC I fell pregnant with twins and then miscarried, no subsequent pregnancy. It has been nearly 6 months and although not as raw, I am still grieving that loss and what could have been.

I never mourned - I was only about 6 weeks and I just viewed it as one of those things. My best friend told me the same day that she was also 6 weeks pregnant and I'm the baby's godmother so do have a bit of a constant reminder of something I'd rather not think about.

Everyone is so different OP. I think as I was aware that 1:5 pregnancies end in miscarriage, I didn’t get too excited until after my 12 week scan.
That helped in my 3 miscarriages as I was kind of prepared for them. I got over them pretty quickly as I just viewed them as natural and that there was likely a significant problem with the fetus meaning it was either not viable or likely to have a very significant disability.
Like I say, everyone is different though.

My first was a mmc at 11 weeks. I wanted ttc again straight away but I was just a mess, so my dh persuaded me to wait. It took 6 months before I was together enough to try again. I had another miscarriage after that and then a successful pregnancy. Even after my dc was born, I thought about my miscarriages daily. It was only after having my second child (after another miscarriage) and some counselling, did I start to go longer without thinking about them.

It's so personal. Everyone reacts differently. There is not right or wrong. I remember apologising to my dh for not getting ‘over it’ quickly enough. He was really sweet and told me he'd hold me every day it took, no matter how long. That really took the pressure off and allowed me to take the time I needed to process my emotions.

In all honesty? I was very sad about the first one as it was a shock

After nine?

I couldn't even tell you what months they happened in and 2 DC later? I never give them a second though

My first was a MMC which I found out about at 14 weeks.

I then physically had a very tough time, required surgery & a period of time to recover.

I had a tough 6 - 8 weeks where I was grieving, felt quite isolated & was also (in retrospect) a bit bonkers.

I was ready to try more or less straight away, I accepted it was one of those things, happens to many women & I was very fortunate to be pregnant shortly after.

Oh my gosh. 9 MC - I'm so sorry. Very glad you have your 2 DC now!

I've only had one chemical pregnancy and I didn't mourn really, I guess I felt a bit sad the future I thought was gonna happen didn't but then I sort of just thought it was one of them things and my body did what it was meant to do.

I fell pregnant four months later and I haven't really thought about it since.

Started trying again as soon as possible but that was part of the grieving. Tbh only finally getting pregnant again and having a successful pregnancy got me over the miscarriage.

I had mine in February, I think I’ve just about got myself together but am also very aware my due date is approaching and that is definitely going to be a wobble.

I feel like it has hit me much harder than I ever thought it would as I’m quite pragmatic and was always saying to people not to get carried away until we had our scan. I miscarried the week of it. I also had a work friend pregnant a month ahead of me so it has been hard seeing her daily (although I am obviously very happy hers was successful!)

I only really mourned it once when my DD was born, I was sleep starved and it hit me that we lost the first baby and if we didn't we would have two now. Tbh at the time I just got on with things as I saw it as one of those things life throws at you.

I had a complete breakdown over the loss of our first pregnancy.

Triggered a very long depression. Ultimately fuelled a 6 year mission to have a baby.

6 years and 6 rounds of ivf with a total of 13 blastocysts that didn't stick. Plus another miscarriage before we did it.

I still grieve our losses very much.

Our 8 month old is truly an absolute miracle for us.

First time I threw myself into focusing on ttc and got pregnant after 4 months. In hindsight it was too soon and I had awful pnd. I was relatively young and it was the first truly awful thing that had happened to me at that point. With my 2nd one we waited and took the time to grieve. We didn't think we would have anymore but our little happy accident was born a year after my miscarried baby would have been due. I still remember them, especially when they should have been doing certain milestones. I am very grateful for the dc I have though.

I was sad but also quite pragmatic about it as I knew the stats.

I found the fact it was a MMC quite upsetting as we had gone to the scan very excited only to have everything taken away in an instant.

I wanted to try again immediately but it took 15 months to fall pregnant. For me, the unsuccessful trying was a lot more difficult to cope with than the MC.

I was very sad the first one and the need to pregnant asap was actually desperate, i fell pregnant the 2nd cycle after and lost that one at 9'weeks. That was harder to get over as I had 2 scans telling me everything was fine, GP wouldn't prescribe progesterone for that pregnancy which probably would have helped so for that I still feel very angry. Seen a specialist and have all the meds I need for when I conceive again but I haven't been able to since. Last miscarriage was end of November.

Strangely, I was looking for a tampon last night and checked an handbag I haven't used in ages and found the scan picture from the second baby and I was shocked at how upset I was. But I am on my period so tend to be more emotional.

I was a complete wreck for two weeks afterwards, then fell pregnant again immediately, before my period was due (which led to a lot of confusion about whether or not I was pregnant again or if there were still hormones lurking about in my body and showing up as positive on the tests).

Started bleeding the morning of my 12 week scan, went to the appointment sobbing, refused to even look at the screen and cried the whole way through until the technician said, look, you have a healthy baby. 🥰 That baby is now 10 years old and I love him so much. The only time I even think of the miscarriage is when I remember my son could have been a different child... and then I feel very grateful for the miscarriage, because it meant he was brought into my life instead.

My first pregnancy was a mmc. I was in complete shock, devastated. It was right st the start of a week of leave and I couldn't stand the idea of sitting indoors and crying, so I booked a flight to New York and was stepping off the plane 3 days after the scan that told me my baby had died, when I'd already seen a heartbeat.

I had surgery and was left the first day starving with symptoms so I had to come back the next day. I hadn't passed the baby in 3 weeks so it was all very stressful. I had 5 weeks off work sick and had therapy.

I was so, so anxious that I wouldn't be pregnant again by the due date. I wasn't. I sent a balloon up to the sky and a weight lifted. I fell pregnant the very next cycle, 8 months after my mmc. I think the stress was preventing me from falling pregnant and once the due date was over, I felt better.

I'm really sorry for your loss.

I found out my baby died at 23+5 weeks last may. Legally the time was two days under being classed as a still birth so technically a miscarriage but I call it a still birth. I’m 14 weeks pregnant now I feel as though I will grieve the death of my daughter till the day I die and I’m terrified about the baby in my belly now :( but I never thought life would be liveable again and time has healed that somewhat

This is exactly my experience too

I cried every day for a month after my MMC. Sadly it was a long drawn out process of surgical management which wasn't a complete success, medical which didn't work and then I just had to wait it out. We had been TTC for 3 years and this was our first transfer with IVF (after a year of IVF, including cycles which resulted in no embryos for transfer) so it hit me very hard, physically and mentally. I think about what could have been daily and with IVF it's sadly not a case of trying again naturally, it's lots of planning, medication and travel and even more emotional toll. But after a few months I hope to begin again soon x

My first MMC was a huge shock and took me a long time to get over, probably the best part of a year if I'm being honest. We'd been TTC for around 2.5 years, all tests had come back completely normal and we were talking about IVF. I was around 11 weeks and at a private scan when I found out, having had a perfectly healthy scan with strong heartbeat at 7 weeks. We never did TTC again (he's now my ex) and ended up breaking up about 7 months later as we realised we weren't able to support each other any more. It had been coming a long time, but the miscarriage was the trigger.

Second MMC (this time with my new partner) happened in July. I had bad news at a 7+4 early scan that the heartbeat was really slow, a scan 10 weeks later showed a stronger heartbeat but no growth, and 10 days later it was confirmed baby's heart had stopped most likely the same day as the second scan. I began grieving at the very first scan, so by the time I got to 10 weeks (and the confirmation scan) I'd already done a lot of the emotional processing. Coming out of surgical management my first feeling was of relief that it was all over. We're trying again already, I'm still a bit sad, especially since my sister in law is also pregnant and only 4 weeks ahead of where we should have been, but overall doing much better than I coped with my first MMC.

I'm weirdly prepared for if I have a third miscarriage now - clearly I don't want one, but it feels like now the shock has gone of having one, I can process much quicker than I could my first.