Frustration with the system

[Itsasomething]

Hi, so I'm feeling frustrated and let down by how I was treated during my experience and I'm hoping the anonymity of this forum will let me express that and get it out of my system. Obviously I know no medical care would have changed the outcome so my feelings on that are separate.

I feel like I wasn't taken seriously and had to strongly advocate for myself throughout the experience. I didn't have the usual miscarriage symptoms of abdominal pain or filling pads, instead had back pain and spotting which turned to gushing.
I had multiple calls to 111 and out of hours GP where I was told that everything was fine. I understand that they are treating multiple people and are in pressured environment,but I did not feel listened to.
My own GP was fantastic and pushed for EPU to see me, although they were not keen.
Over the phone an EPU triage nurse reluctantly booked an appointment for me, but expressed that it was unnecessary.
Another EPU phonecall during heavy bleeding where I was advised to stay home as I wasn't bleeding enough to fill a pad, but could chance coming to hospital and waiting , although I probably wouldn't be seen .
In hospital, I was assessed by a nurse who also expressed that I probably wouldn't be seen by a doctor as my symptoms didn't indicate a problem.
I waited. And waited. And waited.
Was finally seen by a doctor and the tests showed that the pregnancy had already ended.

At each stage, I knew something was wrong and had to push to be taken seriously and be treated. I know that my symptoms were probably not the usual way this happens, but I knew it was happening.
I feel like this is another instance of women's medical care not being taken seriously. Maybe it's not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things but it Is a big deal to me. If I hadn't pushed to be seen I'd of spent another week, or longer, hoping and worrying and stressing -making the pain that much worse.

Sending love and support to you at a difficult time. I too have experienced real frustration at the service and how it works. I really can’t understand how this is just seen as ‘normal’.

I did experience really great nurses and doctors but I felt the ‘go home and wait for a week’ before we properly diagnose a miscarriage is just a form of mental torture. It was clear I was miscarrying from the 2 scans I had and the bleeding I was having and it delayed everything by a whole week for me.

I think you’re right to be frustrated and it’s a shame we have to be seen and feel ourselves as being ‘pushy’ when it is simply not the case. As women we know our bodies, we are in tune with them and it’s down right unacceptable to be told that unless you’re basically bleeding to death that you won’t be seen.

I hope you manage to get the outcomes you’re searching for xx

I’ve also felt so let down by the system too, I’m very close to putting a complaint in from how I’ve been treat.

I found out on a private scan at 7+4 on the 11/06 the baby had stopped growing and no HB, I then had a scan the next day with the NHS to confirm (then wait another week to double check as per their policy) which was fine with me, this was the 19/06. I then opted for the surgical route and had the procedure on the 22/06 (after this procedure the nurse damaged my vein through flushing it out and told me nothing was wrong)

two weeks later 06/07 went back with terrible pelvic pain and much to their dismissal I got another scan to confirm retained product (got told to go home and wait for it to pass) and I’m no longer their concern as technically I’m not pregnant no more!!!

period came on the 24/07 and stopped on the 28/07 and didn’t pass any remaining tissue, rang EPAU and they “presumed” my body had re absorbed the tissue. That didn’t sit well with me so booked a scan costing £150 to be told I’m in exactly the same place as I was after surgery :( with retained product.

period started again on the 31/07 and I ended up in hospital with awful pains on the 04/08 where they gave me the medical pessaries to open my cervix (whilst I was there they didn’t give a care about what was happening and even at one time said I’d previously had an abortion instead of saying miscarriage which I was so saddened by because all I’ve ever wanted was a baby) and also said “I’m guessing your not just going to go away”…..

and here I am, waiting till the 20/08 for another scan where I’m probably going to be told there’s still retained product! I understand the NHS is under a lot of stress but this is messing with someone’s fertility:(

sorry for the rant, It’s triggered me reading your post and how you’ve been treat. We’re human beings and a little empathy wouldn’t go amiss for us would it!

sending my love in your hard time x

I'm so sorry that's happening to you, it's really awful. As if the loss wasn't difficult enough to deal with, being treated like this just makes it so much worse. Why are women's issues treated so poorly?

To follow on from my situation, had a follow up call from EPU, and they realised during the call that they read my blood results wrong, and HCG went up, not down, after MC. I'm going in for more scans and tests tomorrow and feeling nervous as it's been a couple weeks since was last tested.

@Itsasomething keep me updated! At least they’re following up with scans and tests to see what’s going on! Possible retained product maybe? It’s still not good enough though that they’ve misread your HCG results though!

I’ve had my scan and finally after 10 weeks since finding out all my retained product is gone :) what a drawn out process it’s been! She also said she could see the follicles on my ovaries too and it was during my ovulation period so fingers crossed I’m back to normal ovulation again too!

hope yours goes well x