I haven't cried for my miscarriage, what's wrong with me?

[BuffyTheVodkaDrinker]

On Monday I was diagnosed with a delayed/missed miscarriage during my third ultrasound scan. Baby was supposed to be 10 weeks now but stopped developing at 6 weeks, no heartbeat & no growth since second ultrasound scan (CRL still 3mm).

I had my D&C this morning but I haven't cried, not even on Monday too. I just feel numb. My mum & ex partner have asked how I'm feeling and my reply is always "I don't know". I feel terrible that I haven't cried or mourned my baby yet. Maybe its delayed shock I'm in. All I want is just to be alone by myself.

I just keep blaming myself because my GP signed me off work on rest due to my existing medical condition but I was never still at home, I was always doing something like household cleaning, moving stuff etc as no one else helps in the home. Also I was constantly stressed due to my relationship, I felt I had zero support from now ex-partner, I was worried about finances, I'm also overweight but I was eating healthy since finding out I was pregnant, at times I lost my appetite so some days I hadn't eaten enough. I honestly think I caused the miscarriage from a possible combination of all these things.

You didn’t. Not at all.
But you’re grieving. We all do it differently. Some get angry. Some numb. Some sad. Some guilty. We feel how we feel. It’s awful but normal.
I am so very sorry for your loss. This was how my first pg ended. It’s awful. Look after yourself.

Please accept my condolences. Grief looks different to different people. There is not a set formula or behaviour that means someone is grieving. Don't blame yourself for the miscarriage. Just concentrate on getting through each day successfully.

Hi @BuffyTheVodkaDrinker you have not caused this miscarriage. You were doing what anyone else would do, just doing everyday life.
Please look after yourself xx

You are not to blame OP. It wasn't a healthy pregnancy and the baby wasn't progressing.

Just because you haven't cried yet doesn't mean you won't. Have you got anyone to talk to and share your grief?

@BCBird @Summer2424 @Wolfiefan @babayhaga thank you both, its just been such a difficult time the last two months and the last three days have been even worse.

I'm 37 and it could have been my last chance to have another child. My only child is 20yrs & at uni, I had him really young and was looking forward to doing things differently this time around

@babayhaga I'm going to book an emergency telephone appointment with my GP tomorrow to refer me for counselling as I think I really need it

I am really sorry for your loss. Dreading your post reminded me of something.

I was at hospital waiting for my D&C and the nurse commented I was very calm and she had expected me to very upset giving why I was in. Remember thinking - should I be crying while I just felt this is something that had to happen and I need to get past it so that I can recover. Then relief afterwards that I was ok (I have another child).

For weeks after I wasn't ok and there were so many tears. But none at that time

Nothing you did caused the miscarriage. And I’m very similar, I’ve just been feeling numb. There’s no right way to grieve.

You didn't cause this.

You aren’t grieving 'wrongly'. It sounds as though your self-preservation instinct has kicked in.

Counselling is a great idea. You could contact Tommy's charity as well as your GP.