Recurrent miscarriage

[Janstra80]

I am 42 years old and have been blessed with 6 healthy pregnancies and healthy children, the youngest is 16.
I married 3 years ago (not my children's father) and after much discussion, particularly about my age and the risks, we decided to try for a baby together. My DH also has 2 children from a previous relationship.
In the 3 years since we married, we have lost 3 pregnancies, the first at 8 weeks, and the second and third both at 5-6 weeks gestation. The most recent being just 3 days ago while I was at work, I felt no pain and had to finish my shift for 6 hours knowing that I was losing my baby.

I understand that my age is a huge factor in my ability to conceive and also the likelihood of miscarrying. DH (37) is convinced that even taking my age into account, losing 3 pregnancies in a row could be due to some other underlying problem and thinks that we should speak with our GP to have whatever tests may be able to be done.
I'm torn. I would love to have another child with DH, but I really don't know if I want to put myself or DH through this again. Even if I were to conceive again, it's likely to be a year by which point I'll be 44 and I worry that the older I get the less energy I'll be able to give to a child.
Has anyone else been through similar and went on to have a baby, I'm asking specifically women of my age who have had previous successful pregnancies?
I don't even know if this post makes any sense, I'm writing it with a million things going through my mind and grieving the loss of a very recent pregnancy. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read

I had a baby at 42 after several mcs and a previous live birth. I had tests done privately, and I think you'd struggle to get much done on the nhs given your previous children. Natural killer cells, in my case.
I don't really understand why you'd put yourself through this for a 7th child, but I am very sorry for your losses and know how hard this must be for you.

I had multiple miscarriages from the get go (so no previous normal pregnancies) but I don't think you should necessarily assume there is no underlaying problem. My advice is to not waste your time with the GP but go to see Dr Shehata at the CRP clinic in Epsom. He does thorough screening for underlaying causes of miscarriage. I wish we found him sooner.

Unfortunately age can be a factor and genetic abnormalities will likely be higher. We found this with our embryos when doing IVF. I would recommend reading 'It starts with the Egg' and get a good nutritionist. We saw a significant difference in normal embryos between egg collections when we changed our life style and introduced supplements.

Also your new partner should be tested, we had issues on both sides that needed addressing.

Wishing you all the best x

It was natural killer cells for me too

Thanks for your input. In all honesty, I'm questioning why I'm putting both myself and DH through this. We both have DCs from previous relationships, and we are fully aware of how blessed we both are.
My previous relationship was not a good one, it was years of physical, emotional, financial and sexual abuse that at the time I didn't think myself capable of escaping from. DH ex left him for a woman and still gives him problems with regard to contact with their DC.
We met after bad experiences and he is the polar opposite of my ex, and everything I need in a partner and I try to be the same to him. I think after we got married, talking about having a child together was a natural progression. I looked into all the risks associated with my age and so I knew it would be difficult to even conceive at all, but when I eventually did we were so happy. Miscarriage came as such a shock I think because I had conceived so often and easily before and had the most healthy pregnancies. I knew the risks but wasn't prepared for them. Now I'm wondering if I should give up and accept that its just not going to happen for us. I am extremely grateful for the family and children that we have already and I thank God every day for their health and blessing us with them.

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I live in Scotland, my GP is very good and there's a clinic at my local health centre once a month specifically for fertility issues and recurrent miscarriage. I think we have decided to at least speak with the GP and see what his/her advice is and take it from there. Thanks again

You're welcome. I probably should have said that I did have lots of testing both on the NHS and privately and no one picked up the NK cells because it's quite a specialist area so just worth bearing in mind. Good luck xx

I'm north of the border too OP and had to travel for my testing in London. I did the NHS stuff in local hospital too. I'm very happy to be a mother at 42 (older now!) but it is certainly tiring and at least I had a chunk of child-free time when I was younger. Can't retire as early as I would otherwise either. I read a good book by professor Lesley Regan when I was trying, it outlined various possible causes of mc and I found that helpful for me in deciding on next steps. Like pp I ended up seeing Mr Shehata

Hi OP,

I teared up reading your post. I am 40 and I’m in a similar type of boat. I have 3 teens with my ex husband and a 3 year old with my current partner (we’ve been together 10yrs). My partner also has 2 teens! I have had multiple losses over the years and 3 of those have been this year (April, June, July). I’m actually currently having the third MC and have an appointment with EPU later. I’ve been beside myself. Crying my eyes out… and then thinking to myself “why do I feel like this when I already have 4 incredible kids?!”

I think I’m just sad to think that after finally finding the person I want to spend the rest of my life with we will only have the one (albeit amazing) child between us. 😔

I know lots of people won’t understand but I just want to let you know that I do. It looks like we both have some really tough decisions to make but deep down I want to try just one more time…