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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

I'm starting to miscarry at 9 weeks - lots of questions

26 replies

summermummy · 24/02/2008 15:36

I'm pretty sure I'm about to miscarry. I've been sort of expecting it but its devastating to know its happening. All my symptoms disappeared very early on. I already have one dd and I haven't recognised any of the feelings from last time since 5 weeks. Yesterday I had some very minor spotting but today I have cramps (not painful) and my tummy feels very tender and I've had a tiny bit of bright red blood. I know this doesn't have to add up to a miscarraige and I'm generally a very positive person but this really feels wrong and I've been imagining it for a few weeks now.

I have no idea what to expect

When do I ring the hospital or do I call the GP in the morning ?

How long does it tend to last ?

I have a 2 yr old DD but have just moved to a new area and there's no-one close to look after so I would either have to go to the hosptial on my own or we would need to take her with us..what should we do ???

Am I likely to need long off work ? They don't know and I really really don't want to tell them but my employer is very strict about sickness.

I am sitting here sobbing but need to also think about the practicalities ?

Any advice would be appreciated and sorry for others on the board going through the same thing ?

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MadamePlatypus · 24/02/2008 15:43

sorry have no advice, but bumping to keep you in active convo's.

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AitchTwoOh · 24/02/2008 15:47

oh i'm sorry, you poor thing. keeping this up active convos for you. you could give NHS 24 a ring and see if they can help? can you and dh take time off tomorrow and go to the Early Pregnancy Unit for a scan?

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Jill60 · 24/02/2008 15:49

I'm bumping too for you. I think you are jumping to conclusions a bit early and I really hope you are wrong (iykwim) but I'm sure someone will be along in a min who can give some practical advice if you are miscarrying.

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VictorianSqualor · 24/02/2008 15:53

Firstly, you need to relax as much as possible, easier said than done I know. I bled this pg at the beginning a bit and so did some of the girls on my antenatal thread, we are mostly hitting 34weeks now.
Also every pregnancy is different so could well be that you're not having the same symptoms for that reason.
It may all work out well.
Apart from that I have no other advice, just good wishes.

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VictorianSqualor · 24/02/2008 15:53

Oh, btw I mean relax because bleeds can just be a sign you've done too much.
Had you had sex recently before you bled?

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splishsplosh · 24/02/2008 15:56

Summermummy, I'm so sorry to hear you think you will m/c.
Firstly, all pg vary, so however you feel it isn't guaranteed it's over.

If it is what you fear, you could go to hospital a&e today if you want, and see if they can scan you to see what's going on. Otherwise you could contact your gp / midwife, or early pregnancy unit in the morning, so you can get scanned.

You might be offered a d&c (or erpc), you might be able to miscarry naturally if already in the process, or if that's your preference.

Everyone is different about time off work, but 2 weeks is probably an idea, because of the physical as well as emotional side of things.

I really hope it's not what you fear, if it is, then big hugs. There's a very supportive thread, mc avengers, for people going through or dealing with mc.

good luck x

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donbean · 24/02/2008 15:58

Hun, you just know dont you. (despite reassurances, you know in your heart that it is happeneing)
Ok, go to your gp tomorrow.
he may refer you to early foetal asessment centre. A scan will confirm for you.
May offer you D&C, this will mean a day off work then maybe a week to recover.
If it happens naturally then your body will act as if it is a heavy painful period and it should be over quickly, 24-48 hours.

However, emotionally, it may take ages to grieve over this.
It is a berevement.

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kd73 · 24/02/2008 16:04

Oh dear Summermummy - I am sorry.

In my experience, I pitched up at the maternity hospital and the first time I was admitted for observation, the second time I managed it at home.

Don't be afraid to take pain relief do NOT take ibuprofen. Stick with paracetamol and if it gets worse increase to Cocodamol (paracetamol and codeine available via Boots).

Work wise, it depends on you. The first time for me for relatively pain free but I took a week off work simply because I was devastated. The second m/c I took a day off, which was the day we went to Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit and we were advised our pg was not looking good. In both cases, I notified my boss (male) for no other reason than I was feeling delicate and wanted to be shielded particularly from any new mothers bring in their babies. My partner chose not to tell anyone at workplace and on first day back almost had receptionist new born grandchild in lap!!!!!!!

In both instances, m/c have been different the first time I passed a sac (sorry if tmi), the second time was just like a nasty, nasty painful period. Both times, bleeding lasted between 7 - 14 days although this could be different in your case. Please note you should NOT use Tampons - stick with sanitary towels to avoid possible infection!

I am sorry and I understand how difficult this is. Many pregnancies involve some element of bleeding and therefore things may be ok. However I would contact GP tomorrow and try to get a referral to the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit.

Good luck and hope things are ok for you and your bean.

KDx

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summermummy · 24/02/2008 16:11

thanks everyone - I tried to stay optimistic yesterday but today just feels different and each stage is following through, loss of symptoms, spotting, cramps, red blood...I think I'll try the EPU tomorrow.

Looks like I won't be able to avoid telling work though..I work in a very male environment and no-one will know what to say (already get endless questions about when no 2 will be on the way)

thanks so much for the replies - DH is away today and don't feel up to talking to friends about it at the moment.

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donbean · 24/02/2008 16:12

summermummy, do you want to talk a bit more?

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Springflower · 24/02/2008 16:19

Hi Summermummy, Sorry you're having to go through this. LIke someone above said, it may not be as bad as you think it is but sometimes are instincts are right. I have had 4 miscarriages in different scenarios but I have found the Early Pregnancy Unit the most helpful and you can usually self-refer by phoning them up in the morning and going in for a scan. Then, depending on the results you will know what you need to do, if anything, next. Regarding work, it is likely to depend on how you are feeling but if you are having a miscarriage you are unlikely to want to be in work while it is happening (just from a physical perspective never mind emotionally . I've never really had much pain but I know some people do , but you can pass a lot of blod and /or clots and often the sac which depending on the time the pregancy failed can be quite large (sorry if too upsetting). Emotionally you are likely to want some time off as well and that can vary. Hope you are Ok and if you need to discuss things after you have found out what is happening I'm sure there will be lots of people here to help.

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summermummy · 24/02/2008 16:21

Thanks Donbean I will be back later I'm sure. My MIL has been visiting for the weekend and has taken DD to the park so I think I'll go and lie down for an hour before taking her to the station. She thinks I've got a bad headache - would be unbearable if she knew now, I think she would kill me with kindness (am sure there are worse things to die of)!

Took 8 months to get pg this time and was so happy when we got the + but for some reason have been very guarded this time from the beginning.

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Mercy · 24/02/2008 16:21

Sorry to hear this summermummy.

I miscarried at 6/7 weeks. Like you, all the symptoms suddenly stopped and a few days later I had a tiny bit of spotting (red blood).

Over the next day couple of days I continued to have spotting but it was brown this time so I went to the GP who referred me to an EPU. I was seen 2 days later and was given a scan (just to warn you, I had an internal scan which I wasn't expecting. It didn't hurt but it did feel invasive tbh).

I had very little pain or bleeding and had not need for a D&C. It lasted about 5-6 days in all. Physically I was absolutely fine and was able to carry on as usual (but was an SAHM so could take it easy for a couple of days)

Best wishes

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donbean · 24/02/2008 16:31

ok.
Stock up on painkillers, mine were both very very painful.

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tryingnottoobsess · 24/02/2008 19:56

Hi Supermummy

Really sorry about what you're going through, just a few words on not telling people at work...

I have had 2 miscarriages and didn't want to tell my colleagues, and just about managed.

I had to tell my boss, so I could get time off for doctors appointments and scans. But I just told my colleagues I had doctors appointments and would be back later (not out for a full day = not registered as a sick day at my place!).

My first one happened naturally, with lots of warning (bleeding for 2 weeks) so by the time I actually passed the sac, I was mainly relieved. It happened at a weekend, so i didn't take any time off. In retrospect, this was possibly a bad idea emotionally, but I REALLY didn't want my mainly males colleagues to know, so I did what I thought was right at the time.

For the second miscarriage I had a D&C, and needed a few of days off, but again just told my colleagues I needed a small operation. By the way, I was only under general anasthetic for 15 minutes, so the anasthetic didn't give me any side effects, I just needed a few days to get my head vaguely straight.

I think the nature of my job made this approach possible - it's very unstructured, so if I needed a quiet moment, I could nip outside, or just 'zone out' at my desk. If I was a teacher or a nurse or something, I doubt it would have been possible.

I don't really know if I'd recommend doing this - it was flippin horrible, but then I think all miscarriages are - so you just do what you can, don't you?

Good luck x

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LuLu15 · 25/02/2008 12:35

Hi summermummy.
I know what you are going through. Last week I mc at what I thought was 10 weeks. The baby had died at 8 weeks. Like you this being my 2nd pregnancy I was guarded from the start and didn't have any morning sickness like last time. I just thought I was lucky. Anyway I had period type pains last Monday and started bleeding. I phoned the mw straight away - painful I know to admit you might be losing it but she got me a scan booked for the next day. After the scan they told me it had died at 8 wks and then gave me my options. I chose a d&c as it's over and there is closure. I couldn't bear to wait for it naturally. However, I did have contraction like pain the next day which wasn't nice obviously. A week on and I'm back in work and taking each day as it comes. Sounds like a cliche but it's the only way. You will get pregnant again and it's not your fault. Lots of good luck your way.

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summermummy · 25/02/2008 12:57

Well just got back from the EPU and had it confirmed - baby died at 6 weeks, just when the symptoms stopped. Sonographer was lovely but it was quite hard with just me & DD. I don't really feel like a bereavement as I think I had never connected with this pregnancy like I did my first but am so so sad that come September there won't be another baby in the family and completely up in the air about what the future holds - took 8 months to conceive and it felt like the longest time of my life (although I know it can take a lot longer so hope I'm not offending anyone).

TNTO - I have also opted for a D&C. Think DH will have to stay at home with DD so I'll be on my own which I'm very worried about. Is it really hideous ?

Thanks again everyone for your messages.

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theboob · 25/02/2008 13:11

so sorry suppermummy,
you will get pg again ,can nobody look after dd for you
sorry again

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tryingnottoobsess · 25/02/2008 14:09

Hiya,

Really sorry to hear the worst confirmed.

Ok, the D&C... The physical process was kind of OK, and I don't actually remember any pain (it was only 5 weeks ago) it is more the emotional rollercoaster that sticks out in my memory - calm at times, weepy at others. Luckily the nurses were really supportive and put me in a little booth so I could let it all hang out emotionally.

So I'd say you need to be more prepared for that than anything major physically. Oh, and the fact that you'll have various random nurses and docs prodding your fanjo, which I found a bit unsettling.

And LOTS of waiting around - the whole thing took about 6 hours from start to finish for a 10-15 min procedure! Take a good book and some music.

They did mine as an outpatient (though I ended up having to stay overnight for observation as my blood pressure is a bit low and wasn't behaving), so you should be back with your family pretty quickly afterwards.

My DH was there on and off during the 6 hours, as he had to sort some work stuff out. Your DH will need to collect you at the end though. To be honest, at our hosp, it was ok for family to wait with you (I was in a unit with all the outpatient operations that were happening that day and there were loads of families hanging around). So you could perhaps check if it'd be possible for your DH and daughter to be there with you together.

Good luck, and be as nice to yourself as you can... X

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juliewoolie · 25/02/2008 14:29

Hi summermummy,

so sorry for you. I had a missed miscariage very recently and I opted for the eprc as I felt I wouldnt be able to handle waiting for nature to take its own course.

The procedure was very quick 20mins and then 20mins in the recovry room. I was then allowed to go home as soon as I had peed. I was lucky enough to have it done privatley so it was all very quick.I do know if I had had it done on NHS it would have been in the emergency gyn unit and I would have been there from very early in the morning until late afternoon.

My consultant said that if I worked I would be able to go in the following day as physically your body recovers very quickly but obviously emotionally it takes some time. Personally I felt I had dealt with things before even finding out as I like you had my symptoms disappear overnight. Since this happened 3 wks ago I have felt randomly angry about stuff not just the niscarriage but am very aware that my hormones are little all over the place.

My best advice to you is you alone know how you feel physically and emotionally and to take things at your own pace. Dont feel pushed into rushing back to work or taking on chores etc at home.

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Champagneforlunch · 25/02/2008 14:50

Don't worry about the surgery it is painless but like others have said it does involve alot of waiting I had to be at the hospital at 8 amd an wasn't taken till after 1pm. But did get home about 2.30.
I felt similar after losing the baby, I miscarried at about ten and a half weeks but I had problems from the start so had never really felt like I was pregnant more that I just wasn't well. I actually felt that the surgery was a relief as it was final. I even felt really good for the next few days then I think everything began to sink in, thankfuly my work have been fine so far and I'm not planning to go back to work till next week, found out the baby had died three weeks ago although have been off work from when I found out.
I think the worst thing was everyone talking about a baby that had died when I had never really thought of it as that and that really threw me. In some ways I think my mum took it harder than I did.
The worry now is that like you I took 8 months to get preganant and I'm so scared it will take that long again.

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ladyhelen2 · 25/02/2008 19:13

Hi Summermummy,
Were you on the due September thread? I was lurking there as I didn't want to post until I got to 12 weeks. Sadly my caution proved right and I had a mc last week, also at 9 weeks.
HOw are you feeling now? I was sad to see you had one at 9 weeks too, and just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. This is my 4th mc, although only (ha!) my 2nd since having DS 2.8 years ago.
I'm going back to work tomorrow as I am going to try normality. God knows how it will go as I work in an office full of men, and the other 4 girls are all so young and haven't even thought about babies, let alone what a mc is like.
Take care of yourself.

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summermummy · 26/02/2008 11:11

Thanks again for the messages and to everyone sharing their stories - they've really helped - just want tomorrow to be out of the way now.

Ladyhelen - no I lurked on the Sept thread too. Hopefully we'll both be lurking on another one soon!

Work were delightful to deal with as anticipated. Have told me I can ofcourse take annual leave this week - they see this as a big concession as any sick leave is deducted pro-rata from performance bonuses. You wouldn't guess I'm a senior manager at a highly succesful 'forward thinking' IT firm. Am very envious of those who are told to take all the time they need. Even this great concession will have been cleared by HR so given the usual gossip grapevine - my mc is now fairly public knowledge. Before I first went on mat leave I was the company star now I'm just another irritating female with female problems.

Oh well - here's to a fresh start and getting back to TTC!

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tryingnottoobsess · 28/02/2008 17:01

Hi Summermummy (and sorry I got your name wrong before, sneaky quick posting at work). Just to say I really hope yesterday went ok... I've been thinking of you. And sorry your work were so rubbish... not much I can say... it's crap that we suddenly become 2nd class citizens as soon as anything like this happens. Try to rise above it if you can, you're better than all that, and your personal situation is more important. Take care x

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summermummy · 28/02/2008 21:00

Hi TNTO - thanks for thinking of me. Yesterday went ok. I was on my own mostly but that helped actually as it kept it all a bit more practical. I think with DH there it would have been far more emotional.

I think I got away quite lightly really as I haven't needed the pain killers they give you and the bleedings practically stopped so feel like I'm moving on although I think alot will probably depend on how quickly I am pregnant again. If it takes another 8 months or more I'll have to deal with the due date, friends babies being due around the same time but if I'm pregnant quite quickly I think this will just be a tiny bit of my history.

Going back to work on Monday simply because I can't face them tomorrow. I will get a call from HR boss probably to check I'm ok but it will be the most insincere conversation. I have sat in many discussions re pregnant staff members and am always disgusted in how dismissively they are dealt with and whilst I always speak up I do lose a bit of respect for myself still working there.

Sorry what a long waffle about me - how are you doing now ?

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