Missed miscarriage at 11 weeks

[Whoisdis]

This is my first pregnancy and I went for a private scan at 11+2 on saturday due to brown discharge starting on friday evening and lessening of symptoms over about a week. Unfortunately they found the baby stopped growing at 7+3, following another private scan at 7+1 which they dated me 6+4 but no concerns and strong heartbeat.
I'm so upset at how no one is able to see or help me get this miscarriage moving. I'm having brown spotting still, some on a pad and when I wipe but not loads, no pain and no other issues so everyone I speak to keeps passing me to other department and I'm being told to wait for my dating scan Friday as they can't see me before. I can't stop crying and it's killing me knowing I'm still carrying my baby that hasn't been growing for the last 4 weeks. On top of this we have an abroad holiday booked flying in a weeks time and I don't want to have to cancel this too or be worried how I will be feeling.

I've read so much about medication management or surgery and I want someone to offer me some support. Can anyone advise what I can do?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had to have surgical management after a mmc after medical management failed. The prospect of this was scary but less traumatic and painful once it was over. I had another miscarriage and opted for surgery this time. I would definitely recommend the surgical option, it was much quicker to recover from. If you have any questions feel free to send me a message.

@Callicodreams thank you for the response. How did you manage to get started with any management? I've been attempting to get any appointment prior to Friday to see anyone in a midwife or early pregnancy team and keep being told I have to wait until my current appointment. Going to try my midwife tomorrow as she doesn't work Mondays and her team told me to go to a&e and they may send me to the early pregnancy team but only a midwife can refer to there. I just feel like I'm having no professional support at the moment which is awful. And when asking advice on whether to go on holiday I'm told its my choice and no one knows how I will feel and if I need medical assistance abroad I will have to deal with it then.

I’m so sorry you’re stuck in this limbo OP. The hospital will kick into action once they have their own scan, but it does seem awful they won’t respond to your private scan. I had medical management and then needed surgical after, like PP, though I have also heard of people who needed a second surgical. To give you any chance of getting on holiday I’d recommend surgical, but be aware the hospital might not have a slot available immediately. (It was 10 days wait to book mine.) Also if your travel is a holiday with pool/beach you’ll likely be advised not to swim for a few weeks due to infection risk. Just a few thoughts that might help with decisions - though I’m so sorry you’re having to face this situation.

@Oxalis00 Yeah, was hoping I could get into the hospital system before Friday but not looking likely. I think I would prefer surgical from the off but like you say it depends on timescales they have. I'm sorry for your experience too.
That's a good point about pool I hadn't thought of that, ild happily sit around the pool and just relax to remove the risk. We're currently trying to find out if our travel insurance covers us for cancellations or treatment if I needed any over there. Its such an awful time, I was looking forward to my Friday scan as I would be over 12 weeks and could feel more relaxed about the pregnancy but that didn't happen. At the moment I've had no advice on what I could expect and I've had to read everything from the Internet.

I'm sorry for your loss - it's so hard.
Ive had 2 missed miscarriages and I had medical management each time.

Hopefully the hospital can get you In and can support you with how you feel is right for you, to proceed.

@Whoisdis I went directly through EPU as I had some bleeding. I know some EPU units will only accept you via a GP referral so that might be worth a try? They should see you if you have any pain or prolonged bleeding, you might just have to push hard for it x

@Callicodreams our EPU is referral only unfortunately. I've managed to speak with my midwife today who has got me an appointment at EPU on Thursday, which they say is earliest as in not heavy bleeding or in severe pain.
She also said if I had kept to my dating scan on Friday they would not be able to support or offer anything as this appointment is only for checking how the pregnancy is progressing and I would then have to have another appointment after they found I was miscarrying.
I am so angry and frustrated that I would be in the same position when I've kept being told to just go to my Friday appointment. It's awful how little support or advice you get when going through this, especially the first time when you have no idea what to expect.

I am so sorry you are going through this, a miscarriage is so difficult and to couple that with getting no medical support is horrendous. I don't know what its like in England but in the north of Ireland they will usually do 2 scans a week or so apart before they will give you medical or surgical, it is two NHS scans and many wont accept the private scan as your first, i was extremely lucky that my doctor did accept my private scan probably because i was in such extreme emotional distress.

I was due to fly on holidays also and my doctor wrote me a note which i was able to use to cancel my holiday, this may be something you can look into

I hope all goes well for you, i am so sorry for your loss and hope you can get through this ok x

Like the other posters if faced with a choice i would go for surgical, it is quicker, less emotionally traumatic and recovery i had minimal bleeding. I tried medical twice and it never worked for me

@38andtrying thanks for letting me know your experience, it's mad how different it is between different areas and countries.
My midwife advised on Thursday following the scan they will do if it shows no growth and no heartbeat they will give me my options then.
That's good they were able to help you, luckily we have managed to confirm with our travel insurance they will cover the cost of cancellation if we choose to, they wouldn't cover any medical assistance needed abroad though. So at least if I am able to choose surgical support I can do so without the additional worry of losing alot of money!

I'm just desperate for this to be over now as nothing can change the outcome and I want to be able to plan trying again !

I also had to wait, found out my baby had no heartbeat on the 11/06 through a private scan, I then had my first scan via the NHS on the 12/06 and again had to wait a further week 19/06 for a second NHS scan to confirm no growth. This was when I was given my options and I chose the surgical route but had to wait a further 4 days (22/06) this was general and a day surgery where I felt ok afterwards with average bleeding. I then stopped bleeding on the 30/06 to only start again 02/07. I have been for a further scan today to be told there’s still remaining tissue but not enough for surgery and told I have to wait for it to pass, along with finding out I have cysts on both ovaries.

this world can be very cruel and I’m so sorry for your loss, i hope whatever route you choose is quick and you don’t have the baring pain of being in limbo :(

@Chrissy1208 I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through/going through! Seems it's a recurring theme on trying to get support, you would think how often they deal with it we wouldn't have to fight so much for help.
I always thought a miscarriage would be a quick awful experience and then it's done, never imagined how drawn out it could be and how helpless you feel whilst going through it.

Yep I also thought it would be a quick process and until it happened to me I didn’t even know what a missed miscarriage was! I wouldn’t of found out till my 12 week scan if I hadn’t of paid private. As awful as it is I can see why the NHS do it this way as they have to cover all bases as I’ve watched people’s personal videos where the dates were wrong and after the 2nd NHS scan a heartbeat was detected. It’s just heartbreaking for those of us who know the inevitable and have to wait even longer and drag the pain out.

ive done so much research and there can be problems in any route you take, I really hope you get sorted soon and can move forward.

I had niggling doubts with this my first pregnancy for quite a while, had a private scan when I should have been 7 weeks and was dated at 6+3 which worried me but they said it wasn't an issue at the time and strong heartbeat. Yeah I understand but when you're positive on dates they could use discretion.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Earlier this year I had a private scan at 10 weeks because like you I was going on holiday. They said baby was measuring 6w 4d, and the private scan company referred me to EPU themselves. My booking appointment with midwife was cancelled.

The EPU then did a confirmatory scan the very next day, and I was booked straight in for surgery a few days later, I didn’t have to have another scan a week later or anything. I picked surgery because I didn’t want to have a “natural” miscarriage on holiday, and they warned that some women who have medical management need surgery anyway.

I had the operation on a Tuesday, I had a heavy bleed on the Friday where they advised they hadn’t completely removed everything in the surgery and so my body was miscarrying what was left itself, but they were happy for me to fly long haul on Saturday. I took antibiotics just in case I got an infection - I didn’t, but could be worth asking like I did to get them preemptively prescribed.

@Jessica1782 I'm so sorry about what you've gone through but glad you managed to get seen to quickly. Thanks for the advice about antibiotics will definitely ask for them as a precaution.

I've been to the epu this morning and had it confirmed, they said they can still see the sac and baby but confirmed no heartbeat. They've booked me for surgery tomorrow which is fantastic. Can't fault how I've been dealt with there, they gave me all the options but with surgery under general they are still happy for me to fly for our holiday on Monday which is definitely needed after this week! Advised I may still be spotting but would rather have had surgery than be waiting for something to happen.

@Whoisdis hope surgery goes well for you tomorrow ❤

Will be thinking of you tomorrow OP. And have a lovely holiday, sounds strange to say but my husband and I really valued the quality time together without being at home just staring at the walls

@Jessica1782 thank you 🥰
Honestly I understand what you mean! I feel we just need to get away from the awful thing that's happened, enjoy some time away together. You can leave home behind on holiday and just be, a bit of a reset.
Doesn't make what's happened any easier but can try and help with the transition 😊

Hope you've managed to work through your feelings too 😊

Well this morning didn't go to plan... woke up at 5am in excruciating pain and completed the miscarriage myself on the toilet. Still went to hospital and they scanned and confirmed its all gone, lining is reducing and doing what it needs to. So no need for any surgery or intervention.
Was the best outcome, but definitely something I wanted to avoid. Surprisingly from start of bad pain to end it lasted less than an hour which is a huge blessing. Time for a bottle of wine tonight I think!

i am sorry to hear about your loss but I’m glad it’s now all over for you and you didn’t need the surgery. Take it easy this weekend and enjoy your holiday next week. You really deserve it x

You have handled this very well. I had something similar 20 years ago (dated about 13 weeks). I did get the all clear then some more came out one time and I was bleeding for a bit like a period. I think by the way you have described it you shouldn’t have this concern as I hadn’t had much bleeding.

I got pregnant again very quickly afterwards and the pregnancy was successful. Many of my friends didn’t talk about miscarriages until years afterwards but we reckoned between us it was about 1 in 3 pregnancies, which I think is average. I think sometimes the olden days was easier when you had no idea other than missed periods.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

@UpUpUpU Thank you for you kind words 😊

@Tinysoxx it's OK if it stays like a period for a while, not ideal but at least I don't have the worry of what pain is to come. I'm glad to hear you got pregnant again quickly 😊 it's fab to hear positive outcomes. I can't wait to start trying again but will listen to advice and wait until after a period.
It's amazing how many people don't talk about it, since telling family what I'm going through I've found out my sister in law has miscarried previously and sister twice (she only told us about once). I've two friends also one as a one off and the other is still battling fertility issues. It's so common but you feel so alone when it starts.