Ghosted after miscarriage by partners family

[Epsiv]

I have never been popular with my partner's mother, but after a very traumatic miscarriage, I expected her to reach out.

At the start of this week I had a very scary and painful miscarriage (as I know they all are bless the lot of you). My partner told his mother some days ago and she hasn't messaged me and apparently doesn't intend to. She's made no offers of support via him and cut the call short with him when he told her, because 'Wimbledon (the tennis) was on'.

A)She was a nurse and health visitor. I'm shocked, that someone who has worked in women's healthcare could show such little interest when she's been told I've been in hospital.
B) She's aware that when I met her son he was clinically depressed and medicated, I have supported him for 8 years. She couldn't even spare me a text to see how I was doing.
C) She's aware I have no family near me, no easy way to get to and from follow-up hospital appointments.

So the question to you all is: am I right in never wanting to see her again??

I am 35 and 3 years older than him, knowing her priorities (she's literally obsessed with babies to the point it's weird), I believe she's not happy that he's shacked up with someone she perceives as an old, infertile, hag.

Hi, I'm very sorry for your loss. I've had 3 miscarriages and my in-laws have never acknowledged them despite being told about them. It's hurtful, but in my case, they are the types that never talk about anything beyond the superficial. They seem to avoid talking about feelings because it makes them uncomfortable and they don't want to make things worse. I don't think it occurs to them that saying nothing can make things worse in some cases too.

Not everyone reacts to these things the same. I suppose whether you see her again or not depends on whether you think she's been deliberately uncaring, or if she's just like my in-laws and isn’t very good at giving emotional support.

Either way, try not to give her too much head space. You've been through a lot and your efforts are best focused on your physical and mental recovery. Lean on your partner for love and support and most of all, take care of yourself.

That's such a sensible and caring response, thank you. I'm so sorry you have been through this so much. Props to you for being so grounded! I hope there were other people in your life who you could turn to. I think I'm potentially found it easier to direct my immense sadness about what has happened into anger at her for her lack of caring. Ultimately it's a very negative response and is an unnecessary distraction from the grief I desperately need to process.

Thank youx

Whilst it's awesome you've hit upon a big reason why this feels so impactful to you - it is also okay to not want a relationship with her. It honestly sounds like, regardless of this experience, you were finding that relationship harmful to your wellbeing. Ultimately, you don't need a "good enough" reason to not want to relate with someone, in fact, I try to frame it as the reverse when in my life - are they providing a good enough reason for me to choose to relate with them?

There is no reason to force a relationship there, you take care of you, you deserve to give yourself lots of loving attention.