Ectopic pregnancy loss

[303L]

I am struggling and need someone somewhere to hear my thoughts and feelings.

This was my first. Long drawn out process of bleeding thinking it was a miscarriage at first. Was treated with methotrexate successfully. Passed out from the pain it caused. My levels weren’t high every 380.

nobody talks about this or seems to understand. I’m lost and confused. Finding it hard to really care about much. I’m scared to try again. Other pregnancy announcements seem to be happening and I am having trouble. I feel like a bad person. I am happy for them and at the same time destroyed inside.

my husband doesn’t want to talk about it. He is just happy I am ok. To make matters worse he has a child from a previous situation when he was young. I feel like a failure. Why did this happen. I feel myself pushing him away too and wonder if I should just leave. Like somehow it would help to run away from it all.

The pregnancy announcement is twins by his cousin as well. Due the same month I would have been. I don’t know how I will get through all summer hanging out with them. He will make a great father but I am utterly devastated inside for our loss

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are not a failure. You didn't do something that made this happen.

I have no experience of ectopic but had 2 miscarriages and a close relative is due 4 days before my 2nd would have been.

I hope the hospital were supportive. Have you looked at the support that Tommy's charity can offer? It sounds like you could use someone to talk to (of course you can talk here).

What else would you like to say?

Hi OP. I had an ectopic almost 3 years ago now. It was found too late to save my tube so I had emergency surgery and was left with one fallopian tube. I'd already had 2 losses before then.

It's not your fault. Nothing you do or don't do causes an ectopic pregnancy. It's a very traumatic thing to go through and I ended up having some talking therapy to help me deal with it.

I now have my beautiful rainbow baby from the next pregnancy after the ectopic. Don't give up hope - there's no reason at all to think your next pregnancy won't be healthy.

@303L I’m sorry for your loss and experience. Ectopic pregnancies are awful. I had one last December, over Xmas I had the methotrexate and I bled and had intermittent severe contractions for 12 long weeks. I was kind of traumatised, the thought that being pregnant could be so serious.

im single I got pregnant through fertility treatments so I didn’t have a partner through experience. I can only imagine the pressure you put on yourself to cater for the, whilst dealing with your own hurt and grief. What happened was a rare complication, nothing you did was the reason and your partner should know that and wouldn’t see you any different.

i was 39, when I got pregnant, so for me it was a case of should I wait and really grieve, but at my age I was like no. Also I watched a video that a woman is more fertile after a miscarriage. So I tried again didn’t get pregnant. Tried a second time and now I’m pregnant. Very early. I see the EPU next week to find out if it’s another ectopic, or healthy pregnancy. I’m worried as I have had aches in the same side as the ectopic but this time round I’ve had real pregnancy symptoms and gas is one so could be gas in my side.

If you want to get pregnant again it can happen, you would monitored very early. It sounds like your in place of pure grief and time may give perspective and it’s important to not alienate your partner, let him in and communicate, you may feel better. There were other people around me getting pregnant and it’s a natural feeling to feel jealous, it’s human.