@midnights0 so very very sorry for your loss. My story was very similar. Very mild spotting at 11wks, midwife not concerned but booked me for a scan as my official 12wk one wasn't meant to be until I was almost 14wks. Had the scan at 11+4 and unfortunately no heartbeat and baby had stopped developing at 7+5. Like you, immediately after that scan and hearing the worst, my bleeding started up.
My Sister and a good friend had both been through losses, and both recommended surgery to me. They had experienced medical management not working and felt that it was easier emotionally etc and took away the uncertainty. With that in mind, I opted for surgical management. My scan was on a Friday and the earliest surgical slot was the following Tuesday. I actually miscarried naturally over the weekend.
I was one of the 'lucky' ones, whose experience of the natural miscarriage was very bearable with a bit of paracetamol and a hot water bottle. I was very anxious about what to expect etc but just had to get on with it. It was actually fine, and in a way I think passing the loss that way helped me to process it more. I felt weird about the pregnancy going down the toilet but made peace with that after deciding I really didn't want to try to catch it and have to deal with it somehow. I did at one point sort of want to 'honour' the baby and did look at one of the clots but in all honesty, there was nothing recognisable, even though I braced myself. It looked liked a heavy period. There may have been other bits that would have looked more like something but I won't know.
I still had the pre-op slot booked for the Monday so went along to that, told them I had bled a lot and they rescanned and confirmed that I had passed everything naturally. So in the end, the surgery wasn't needed.
I've just reread your post and seen that you will have had your second scan by now and probably made your decision. Just know that whatever you have picked, you will make work for you. Also, you are stronger than you know, and you will come through this.
In the immediate aftermath of my loss it was all-consuming for a couple of weeks and I wept and grieved and just got by. My MMC was discovered mid-April. I am astounded at how far I have come emotionally since then. There are tough moments still but the world is brighter again and I have some hope. This week is a hard one as my period is here and it's sort of re-emphasising the loss. However, I am feeling hopeful and I am TTC again and hoping for our rainbow baby. I'm just letting you know this as I honestly couldn't have imagined feeling ready for that two months ago. Also to say, your path may well be different, and that's ok too. There is no right or wrong way to deal with this. Just feel the feels as they hit, give yourself space and time to grieve your loss, and know that you have a community of women here who sadly understand and don't mind you ranting, raving, raging, weeping.. whatever you need. We're here. And it does help to share with others who get it.
Sending lots of love your way 💕