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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Why did I miscarry? Was it my fault?

11 replies

MaybeBabyTwo · 12/06/2023 08:49

Hi,

Posting from the depths of a really dark day so please be kind. I miscarried our IVF baby on Saturday night.

I'm struggling to understand why? Everything was going exactly as it should, because of IVF it was so intensely monitored.

Embryo that was transfered had thawed beautifully and had already expanded before it was put in me. Embryologist was thrilled with it. I tested positive at 6pd5dt (so 11DPO), the lines progressed beautifully, official test day was lovely, then I had two BETAs just less 48hrs apart, they more than doubled (371 to 838), and then the very next day I started cramping and then bleeding. In A&E my BETA was done again, only 36hrs after the last, and it was 1076 so it had increased but not by much... within an hour or so I then passed the baby/sac/product of conception. Then less than 12hrs later, my BETA was 447 and miscarriage confirmed. Bleeding has all but finished, lasted less than 12hrs start to finish.

I don't understand what went wrong. The clinic were thrilled on Friday to give us the doubling result, told us that it was great news and to relax until our scan in a couple of weeks. There's info online that says a doubling BETA leads to 92% ongoing pregnancy... yet within 24hrs all was lost?

I've taken all my medication perfectly, including 400mg x 3 progesterone a day. The EPU don't test for progesterone but also said that's enough regardless of if my natural levels were low. I haven't done bedrest but I have been more slow and steady, although on Friday after my bloods I did sports day with my toddler, I didn't do much running but maybe it was too much activity? I've taken all my supplements the same except I stopped the beetroot juice after 5 days, but that was all the study said. I've done acupuncture the whole way through. I had an orgasm on Friday, no penetrative sex but the clinic did say that was fine if we had. I haven't swum or had a bath, the clinic said not to. I haven't eaten perfectly healthily but I've not smoked or taken drugs or drunk any alcohol. I have a septate uterus but I have previously carried a healthy pregnancy and on the scan EPU did, the implantation 'area' that he could see wasn't on the septum but on the uterine wall.

I am finding it hard to understand how it can have all been progressing perfectly and then suddenly it just ejected itself, so quickly. What caused it to die? Because it was alive and hormonally doing even better than it needed to be, less than 36hrs before. Maybe even less than that, as it had increased, just not enough before the big BETA fall. In a normal, unmonitored pregnancy, I guess you don't know the point it stopped, but it seems unfathomable to me that it was doing beautifully and then died within such a short time.

My husband has taken my daughter to nursery and I am just crying and crying. I need to know what I did to lose our baby, because what if we do IVF again and it was something I did and we lose another one? We've loved this embryo since we made it over three years ago and for it to just fall out of me and now be in a box in my bedside table is a pain that's indescribable.

OP posts:
YellowHatt · 12/06/2023 08:51

You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s not your fault. Flowers

shakeitoffsis · 12/06/2023 08:52

It is absolutely not your fault. Sorry for your loss.

Muncha · 12/06/2023 08:54

You didn't do anything wrong, I'm sorry Flowers

nailsathome · 12/06/2023 08:54

I'm so sorry for your loss. Miscarriage is so devastating and I understand the need to question yourself. Please be kind to yourself. It was nothing that you did or didn't do. This was not your fault, keep repeating that to yourself.

You could have genetic testing done on your baby to rule out genetic abnormalities but unfortunately miscarriage is a fairly common occurrence and you may never find a reason. I've had 3 and no reason for any of them.

I will repeat again, this was not your fault. It's very important to remember that when trying to process your loss. Take care of yourself.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 12/06/2023 08:56

It’s not your fault. You didn’t do or not do anything. Be kind to yourself 💐.

Swillis09 · 12/06/2023 09:23

I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️ I completely understand the emotions, playing each day in your head of when you bled and when it started. The day my miscarriage was confirmed there was a heavily pregnant women smoking right outside the hospital door and I was devastated that I’d done everything I possibly could to keep my baby safe but felt like I’d failed. The first thing I said to my partner was “I’m so sorry” because I lifted my dog into the car the week before and felt a twinge in my stomach … I convinced myself that it was my fault and I’d over done it.

Now a couple of months have passed and I’ve spoken to so many women who have been in the same boat, I’ve realised that it wasn’t my fault at all. Pregnancy is just a bit of a lottery, some are incredibly lucky and others aren’t.

it’s so difficult to process but please be kind to yourself and remember that it wasn’t your fault 💕

az408 · 12/06/2023 09:27

Hi OP. I'm not a big commenter on MN but wanted to reply to you as I've been in the same situation several times.

Each time I was told that the primary cause of miscarriages after transfer is a genetic abnormality of some kind with the embryo. It's completely unavoidable and there was nothing you could do to prevent it.

I had my IVF done in one of the best facilities in the US where we actually paid for additional genetic testing. So for each of my implantations, we were told each embryo was absolutely chromosomally perfect. But post implantation as the embryo develops, unknown issues can also develop. It's the same reason so many women who don't go through IVF often miscarry early, or miscarry without even knowing they were pregnant at all.

All this to say that I know how completely disheartening it is to believe that you're starting from a perfect place, and then for things to go wrong, but the doctors gave you all the information they had at the time, and of course want to be as positive as possible based on the results they have.

It's terrible to go through all this and then still have to leave things up to fate, so please don't be hard on yourself. You did everything you could though the retrieval and implantation, you played your part beautifully. It really is just down to chance, and I will cross everything for you that the next implantation will be a success.

KnitMePurlMe · 12/06/2023 09:31

It’s not your fault and there’s absolutely nothing you could have done 😢.

Miscarriage is devastating - miscarriage after IVF I think particularly so (I’ve had both) as the process is so long and drawn out. I sobbed for days when we lost our IVF babies but my consultant reassured us again and again that there was nothing we could have done.

Be kind to yourself and please keep talking to people x

MaybeBabyTwo · 12/06/2023 12:10

Thank you all. I just don't understand. I think if there was a reason it would feel easier to understand but the unknown is so hard.

I've cleared up all the IVF detritus round the house this morning and put all the positive tests etc out of sight. The clinic have confirmed I can stop medication so that's one positive I guess.

OP posts:
EstieGreenwood · 12/06/2023 19:58

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s excruciating not to know why, and to question everything you did or ate or thought.

Shutupyoutart · 12/06/2023 20:05

Oh op you haven't done anything wrong! please don't blame yourself for anything this isn't your fault, sometimes these things just happen there's no reason for it and it's just tragic, I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. Sending you lots of love, I hope you are being looked after x

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