TMFR - Trigger warning

[Whitelillies1]

Recent termination for medical reasons - discovered on scan for our very much longed for first baby, incompatible with life. We were told we’d never naturally conceive, so pregnancy came as the most amazing shock.

How on earth do I process this? I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m broken, I’m lost… I keep seeing babies/children in the news abused/killed by parents and I just cannot fathom how they were given their chance and we were denied ours.

Hi, I'm so sorry to read this - I hope you are ok and looking after yourself. I have also had a TFMR, and I found it an extremely isolating experience. However there is a community of women on babycentre on the TFMR board who made me feel less alone. Having people to talk and vent to during this period who really understand what you have been through/are going through is invaluable. Even though my friends and family were supportive, they will never really know what it is like and exactly what we have been through.

Sending strength x

So sorry to hear, we also sadly had to have a TFMR and it's awful and very isolating. I found people just didn't quite understand and assumed I'd 'got over it' pretty quickly.

Have a look at the ARC forum, I found it invaluable for the months after mine, everyone is in the same boat and understands exactly what it's like. If you email them they will send you a login as it's a closed forum

Look after yourself xx

Thank you both so much. Joining a group sounds like a great idea to talk to people who understand x

OP I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had a TFMR with my first baby also in 2021. Like others have suggested, I recommend joining groups. There are some fantastic TFMR groups on Facebook, and talking to those who 'get it' is so helpful. It's a loss like no other with so many complex layers to it.
Be kind to yourself. You have made the biggest parental sacrifice anyone ever can buy protecting your baby.
My son would be 2 at the end of June, and while there are times that are particularly difficult and triggering (pretty much the whole of June for us), we have come so far, and you will too. There will be a day that you will remember your baby and smile, not cry. You'll laugh again and not feel guilty. And you'll learn to incorporate your baby into your life and family and honour their memory in a way that works for you and your family.
You're in the thick of it now, but I promise it gets better. Sending so much love xc

@Littlelighthouse thank you for your kind words x