Miscarriage while sisters pregnant

[Leo123456]

I found out I was pregnant after trying for 3 months and was delighted and told my family straight away. After thinking I’d need help to conceive everyone was as delighted as we were. My sister told me a week later she was pregnant and we were happy to share it together. After a few weeks my sister sadly has a miscarriage and I had immense feelings of guilt that she’d have to watch me go through pregnancy when it should have been her at the same stages as me. In a sad twist of fate, I lost my baby and she got pregnant her next period meaning she was due a few weeks after my due date. Time is nearing quickly and I can’t help but feel torn between being unbelievably happy to have a baby niece I can cuddle when all I need in my life is baby cuddles & being jealous and bitter that I’m still not pregnant and may not be able to have another baby. Is this normal? Has anyone been through similar and can share coping techniques that helped them?

I hope you are feeling better today. I can understand the pain you were feeling when you wrote this post.
I don’t think “normal” exists. I believe in “common” though. Many years ago I had a series of miscarriages that made me think I would be able to have a baby. That was my sadness, I didn’t have any sister or friend who would be pregnant at the same time, so I didn’t take it as a missed opportunity.
I never told anyone about that, besides my DH, until last month, when I told my mother in law. She said it was probably because the babies would not be healthy enough, and those experiences probably made me appreciate much more my DD.
She mentioned she had 3 miscarriages as well. So it makes me think it is more common than I expected. Does it make it right? No, less painful? Not really. However I find solace in knowing they didn’t have to come to the world and suffer. I cannot bear my DD when she is in pain or crying, I wish I could stop the world to make that pain go away. It helps to ponder.

Please focus and be grateful for being alive, have the chance to talk to your beloved ones and the opportunity the new day brings. Do that every morning. That really helps.

I'm so sorry. I've been there, it really was a hard time. My first baby would have been due a month before my nephew. Time really did help and I got my little boy. I don't have any advice other than kind to yourself 💐I hope you get your baby soon x

It’s hard. I lost my IVF baby, a few weeks later DSis told me she was pregnant. DN was born on what would have been my due date. I know she felt really awful telling me about her pregnancy so I always put a brave face on and did all my crying in private. It does of course gets easier with time.

I've been there too OP. Both my sister and cousin were pregnant at the same time as me, but I lost my baby at 7 weeks. It was a much wanted second baby and I was beyond devastated. It does get easier with time, and being kind to yourself. I just put on a brave face and carried on. I consoled myself that it just wasn't meant to be, and was grateful for the child I do have. I hope you get your baby soon OP. 💕

I have total sympathy OP. Not the same situation but we have been TTC, in September I had a chemical pregnancy and was devastated. My best friend a week later told me she was pregnant, and her due date was the day before I would have been due.
I'm still not pregnant and it's been really hard following her pregnancy thinking that should be me too. She dosnt know about the chemical as I didn't want to put sadness on her happy time.
All I can say is, it's okay to be upset, down, bitter, angry. After her baby shower I came home and totally broke down. The baby is due soon and I am still finding it hard.

One thing I keep in mind to stay sane is : I don't want her baby, I want mine.

It makes no difference to my journey wether she has a baby or not as the two things are not connected. Her being pregnant isn't stopping me from having my own.

I feel for you and total understand how you feel. Be kind to yourself, put on a brave face for her but in private feel free to be upset, and jealous it's only natural.

We'll get our baby's. Hugs x

it’s such a hard time. This week my husband and I had planned to tell our family that we are having a baby, we sadly lost that hope 3 weeks ago. I’ve kept busy all week to not think about how exciting this week should have been. Last night, my brother and sister in law told me they are expecting their third baby.

I thought I was being strong dealing with not having my baby this time round, but now I feel rock low again. Of course I’m happy for them, however selfishly for me this week wasn’t the right time to find out and their baby would have been 3 weeks apart from ours.

You start to feel slightly better each day and then something knocks you back so far 😞 I feel so guilty feeling like this for them but I’m so jealous, that’s probably the only way to describe it!

sorry for such an early morning rant!

Totally hear you @Fjames90 on feeling better until something knocks you back. It’s hard when there’s no sense of a trajectory of things getting better. @Leo123456 please don’t feel you should feel anything other than you do, on any given day. Suppressing the feelings will only make them stronger and last longer. It’s ok to take time away from hard situations and look after yourself for a bit. I would love to know coping techniques though!