Hi all,
I’m just at the beginning of a chemical pregnancy and going from the highs of a confirmed pregnancy to this has been a challenge. I found out Friday things had gone wrong and whilst dealing with this silently I was spending the weekend at my family home (2hrs away) as it was my nephews communion. My brother was also home from Australia and sharing his fantastic news that he was going to become a Daddy and his lovely fiancée was pregnant. I kept my news to myself and shared in their delight whilst internally feeling shattered.
My partner (same sex) is very much a glass half full person and was sure there was a mistake with results until I got the final confirmation on Monday. She is unlike me in that I wear my heart on my sleeve and she tends to bottle things up. I feel things emotionally very hard even if they don’t impact directly on me. My partner on the other hand blocks things out and will distract herself to no end. Over the past few days I am processing things and have been upset and emotional on occasion and had another cry today after getting off the phone with my mum. My partner will ask why I am crying when she sees me upset and finds it difficult to provide emotional support. She was also very tuned out of the whole ivf process and no awareness for the toll it can take. She did help with giving injections which I am very thankful for but after that there was no real empathy and it has continued over the past few days.
I’m just really struggling to connect with her on an emotional level so we can share what we are experiencing but the best I can get out of her is “it’ll work next time”.
She is keeping busy the next few evenings with work nights, trainings etc and has tried to get me to go visit her family this evening and even possibly take one of her nieces to a kids training. I told her no that I wasn’t up to bringing her niece to training as I’m still waiting for the CP to pass and really not in the form to be interacting with people. She’s left to go visiting her family and to training like nothings happened. I know that’s her way of getting on with things and life must go on and I know it will soon enough but at the minute I feel guilty for lazing on the couch and have been doing chores to show her I haven’t been wallowing in self pity for the day. I know she’s going through this too and conscious of her feelings but am I wrong for wanting more emotionally?
Sorry for the long post :)