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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Scared this was my last chance 😢💔

15 replies

Unicorn2023 · 24/05/2023 15:42

Since I started TTC 4years ago I have had 5 miscarriages with the last one resulting in a MMC in April. After nothing happening for a year and a half I started IVF in January 2020 took all the medication and was about to go for egg retrieval and it got cancelled due to covid but amazingly it must have started something in my body as I fell pregnant twice spontaneously twice in 2020 august and November both ending at 5/6 weeks. Fast forward for 2021 and we got pregnant twice through IVF and lost both pregnancies we have had all the tests and it’s nothing obvious that’s stopping us getting pregnant so it seems to just be me holding onto it! 2022 my partner for diagnosed with skin cancer so we decided to keep trying but just put a hold on it if it happened it happened but went on holiday and enjoyed ourselves for a year no pressure while he went for operations. We were about to book our last IVF cycle and found out I was pregnant on the 1st of March this year we we’re so excited but cautious because it never seems to go right for us as you can see above 💔I phoned the doctor and asked for a referral to get an early scan because of all my miscarriages and while waiting on that appointment I started to bleed it was brown and I had read that was ok as long as it’s not red but for me it wasn’t and ended up in A&E to be told my HCG was looking good and my estimate of 7 weeks sounded right and put me on progesterone pessaries to help with the bleed they scanned me in triage but the scanner was not clear but the doctor said she thinks she seen a flicker of a heartbeat and that the bleed was nothing to worry about so I believed them when they said It should be ok so it comes my early appointment which I should have been 8 weeks and they done an internal and asked was I sure of the dates as I was only measuring 6 weeks with no fetal pole but said this can be normal I then need to wait another two weeks for a second scan and I went back and because there was a change of only a fetal pole they wouldn’t call it but still measured 6 weeks at that point I should have been 10 weeks which at this point I’m realising something is very wrong and just want them to tell me it’s over with because I’m starting to lose my mind I had to wait another week while still having to go to work pretending I’m ok and I new my baby had stopped growing 😢 it comes the week I have to go back and there is no change and I’m taken to a small room to be given options of how I would like to miscarry I was heartbroken but very angry and was adamant I wasn’t leaving until they agreed to test this one because I can’t keep going through this I would rather know if I can or can’t have a child to draw a line under it so they told me to come in the Friday took a tablet them Monday for the rest and nothing happened so they kept me in and left me two days still nothing after 11 tablets in total and ended up with surgery to remove the only good thing about that is they got everything to test. I have just turned 39 and I just didn’t want to celebrate it at all I feel like such a failure and my poor partner has been amazing he’s been so strong for me and even though he said it’s ok I know it’s not he is really hurting too sadly This time we really convinced ourselves it was different and this was it for us! Getting pregnant for me isn’t easy maybe taking a year or two after a loss as you can see so when it happens and ends I never know if it will ever happen again and time is running out now!
I’m not sure the reason for this post but I just feel like nothing is going right at all 💔😢

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SnookyPook · 24/05/2023 17:04

@Unicorn2023 I don't think there is anything anyone can say to make you feel any better but I just wanted you to know that I've read your story, I'm so sorry for your multiple losses and all the struggles you've had, and I'm sending you an enormous hug.

Do you know when you will get the results from the testing?

Many women still have children into their 40s so I don't think this was your last chance, but I can well understand why you must be feeling so hopeless and lost about it all. I hope you have lots of support around you. 💕

Unicorn2023 · 24/05/2023 17:48

@SnookyPook Thank you ♥️ they told me when I left the hospital two weeks but it’s coming up for 4 weeks now so I phoned yesterday and they said it’s more like 6 weeks for results so I’ll just need to wait unfortunately but hopefully there is a reason for this and we can take it from there 🤞🏻 I appreciate your reply it means a lot 🥹🤗

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Hampstead16 · 24/05/2023 22:00

Hi OP,

I am so sorry for your loss.. words can’t explain the pain. On Easter Sunday we miscarried our baby girl at 16 weeks and I needed an ERCP and they said it’ll take 14 weeks for placenta tests to come back. Really frustrating waiting and I don’t think anyone can explain how awful and how soul destroying miscarriages are!

Have you followed ‘the worst girl gang’ on Instagram? One of their founders sounds like she’s had very similar experiences to you and she’s also wrote a book called ‘it will happen’ I think she in the end was diagnosed with a clotting issue and cells that attack the baby. On a positive note she needed up with her rainbow baby so all hope is not lost 💗 my thoughts are with you and your partner right now xxx

Unicorn2023 · 24/05/2023 22:11

@Hampstead16 I am so sorry for your loss that is absolutely heartbreaking 💔 sending you and your partner lots of love and strength 💪🏻🤗♥️ This one really hit me so bad I still haven’t went back to work yet it’s been so hard I just want to know what’s wrong with me😭 I understand they are so busy but it’s stopping me from getting on with my life because I just can’t get my head round it at all 😢♥️

no I haven’t I will look just now and follow them ♥️ I am hoping they find something that they can help me with dreading them coming back and saying they found nothing 🫶🏻🤞🏻

Thank you so much for your message it means a lot xxx

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Hampstead16 · 24/05/2023 22:30

I hope you get some answers soon ♥️

Don’t go back to work until you feel ready, people will understand and you need to put yourself first! I was off for four weeks, feeling better getting myself back into a routine but still it’s very hard seeing people who knew you were pregnant and having to explain. Good luck with everything xx

Unicorn2023 · 24/05/2023 22:39

@Hampstead16 I hope you get some answers soon to it’s so bad they are letting you wait this long for results ♥️

I completely understand what you mean 🤗I think what’s putting me off going back is a girl in my works daughter in law was two weeks behind me and everything is all good for her which I’m so happy about but I just can’t face it yet she’s my friend and so excited about being a granny but it’s a constant reminder for me that we would have been due the same time 😢again I’m happy for her just really sad for me hope that makes sense ♥️🤗 I need to get back to routine take my mind off things a bit ♥️🤗 xxx

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PoePoePoePoePoe · 24/05/2023 22:42

Oh OP, this is so hard 😢😢😢. I had to have IVF and my first 3 IVF pregnancies ended in m/c. My next one my consultant prescribed junior aspirin to take in the first trimester to help with blood flow to the placenta, and I also had acupuncture. I’ve no idea whether it helped but I carried the baby to term and the same with his sibling.

I wish you much love - it’s an indescribable pain x

thedogisstaring · 24/05/2023 23:29

It's shit op. I completely understand how you're feeling, I've been in your shoes. 8yrs TTC, 6 MC. It is totally shit.
My last pregnancy was from ICSI, had 2 scan saw heat beats, thought ONG this is it! It's happening! Thirds scan heartbeat had gone. It broke me. I wax 39. We decided that 40 was my cut off to stop actively TTC.
I'm now 44 and have accepted being childless. I can promise you OP, that the TTC is heart breaking , but for me, setting a deadline and getting to that deadline was like a massive weight being lifted. No, it's not what we wanted or envisioned, we grieved do the children we never had and for the life we aren't going to have, but now, I feel like I have a new lease of life. I can do what I like when I like. I got a dog! Its obviously not the same but he's amazing!

My point is op, what you're going through now is the worst shittiest bit. If it doesn't happen for you, it's not the end, you'll grieve and then you'll find a new path for your life to follow.

Good luck op.

thedogisstaring · 24/05/2023 23:30

So many typos sorry! Fat fingers typing on phone!

Unicorn2023 · 24/05/2023 23:53

@PoePoePoePoePoe I’m so sorry this happened to you 💔 it's so unfair 😢 I’m so happy for you getting your Rainbow 🌈 that’s great news it gives me hope 🙏🏻♥️ Thank you for your message it means a lot ♥️

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Unicorn2023 · 25/05/2023 00:05

@thedogisstaring I am so sorry this happened to you 💔😢 my heart goes out to you it’s the worst place to be and then you get some hope for it all to be taken away again 😭 I am seriously thinking about forgetting about it and drawing the line just now because I don’t know how much more I can take especially when in my mind I know it will go wrong 🤦🏼‍♀️

I think the hardest part will seeing other people pregnant and wondering why it can’t be us but that will pass eventually hopefully 🤞🏻 it would be nice to just enjoying my life with my partner with nice holidays and not track ovulation or stress anymore xx

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thedogisstaring · 25/05/2023 06:57

Yes that is hard. When one of my good friends got pregnant I literally cried constantly for 3 days! I just couldn't stop! I was genuinely glad for her as she'd been TTC for over a year but I just felt sooo sad for myself, why couldn't it happen to me?
I found it harder to deal with people who had struggled to conceive who eventually had their miracle babies as they in their minds thought they understood and would give shit advice like "never give up hope!".
Well if I hadn't picked a date and drawn a line under it I think I'd have had a breakdown as it completely consumed my life for almost a decade.

It is so hard op but I promise, whatever happens, the stage you're in now is the hardest part. You won't feel like this forever x

VenusStarr · 25/05/2023 07:19

I'm so sorry ❤️ I'm in a similar position, 5.5 years ttc and 6 losses - 2 were ivf. I'm under a private doctor and my last 2 were under full immune treatment that should have worked. We saw a heartbeat for the first time but it didn't work out. We've tested 2 of our babies and both were healthy. I spent all last year trying to transfer our final embryos (lining issues meant cancelled cycles) and they didn't implant. We decided to take 6 months off ttc and although at first I was dreading it it was actually the best thing for us. We reconnected with each other and just did normal things without it hanging over us.
My husband got very sick in March and still isn't well and needs surgery, but we have tried one cycle ttc again that didnt work. I'm 40 in 3 months and more at peace with being childfree. I just want to live again, my life has been on hold all this time.

Sending lots of love ❤️

Unicorn2023 · 25/05/2023 10:42

@thedogisstaring my brother and his wife started trying same time as us it was exciting to have this journey with someone maybe be pregnant same time they now have a 5 year old (sorry my post should have said 5 years trying started in 2018 not that it matters) and a 1 year old and it’s almost broke me I love them both so much but it’s hard to take sometimes ♥️
People keep saying to me just say a prayer or at least you know you can get pregnant I feel like punching them because like you they had their miracle so assumed everything would be ok for us too and they honestly had no idea 🤷🏼‍♀️ I get the breakdown part it’s so bloody hard to keep positive or keep going ♥️ thank you so much for your kind words it’s making me realise that regardless what happens everything will be ok eventually because the part I was scared of most was giving up trying but sometimes you have to do what’s best for you and your partner xx

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Unicorn2023 · 25/05/2023 10:55

@VenusStarr I am so sorry you went through this life is just really shit at times to people who deserve the world 💔 I was the same when we took a year off dreading it because what if that would have been our year but we had the best time have a lot of great memories and just had fun and my main focus was my partner he won’t ever get better all they can do is keep an eye on him and hope they catch anything that doesn’t look ok before it spreads. I feel like we both must have been really bad in a past life because I waited my whole life to find someone like him have kids and he happy for it all to keep going so wrong 💔 sending all my love and hugs to you and your husband I hope his surgery goes well and he gets better soon 🤗♥️ xx

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