First pregnancy first miscarriage - feeling numb

[Fearless29]

Hi everyone,

First time posting anything here. After finding out I was pregnant a few weeks ago we found out we lost our little baby this week. I experienced some heavy bleeding and just instantly knew what was happening. The news was confirmed to us by scan and blood tests. Right now I can honestly say I just feel numb, can’t stop crying and finding it hard to get out of bed. My husband is being brilliant but I’m worried he’s trying to put on a brave face for me because I am just so devastated.

Please can anyone reassure me I am not alone in how I am feeling? And if anyone has any positive stories of getting pregnant after a miscarriage they are willing to share then please do.

I'm so sorry for your loss @Fearless29. It's such a lonely place to be and when I had my loss, I didn't want to leave the bubble of my partner or home for weeks. You're totally not alone in your devastation.

Things that helped me were time, rest and endless researching. I found a group called the worst girl gang on Instagram which is a community of women who have experienced loss - I listened to their podcast and bought their book. I felt validated and comforted by the experience of others.

My story has a positive ending! So I found out I was pregnant last May, and discovered it was ectopic in June. We decided to try again in August and conceived in September. Currently 36 weeks pregnant! The first 12 or so weeks were the most anxious of my life and sadly I felt like I wasn't able to enjoy our news for fear of it being taken away - but now I'm feeling much more positive.

Best of luck x

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I didn’t realise how devastating a miscarriage was until I experienced mine a few weeks ago. Same situation, first pregnancy and miscarriage. I am 3 weeks since my operation and I’m just waiting for my cycle to return before we start trying again.

it’s difficult to give advice because I felt exactly the same, I don’t think I moved from my bed for days on end. It does start to get easier as the days/weeks go by. You just need to ride the emotions as and when they come along, cry, be angry, smile when you need to, see friends if you can but do not feel guilty for cancelling if you’re not up
to it. This site really helped me and reading about celebrities who have suffered miscarriages- highlighting more the fact that it’s nothing we’ve done wrong, pregnancy is literally just a lottery irrespective of who you are or how much money you have. After a couple of weeks I returned to work and started to feel more myself and optimistic for the future, I’ve seen so many positive stories about healthy pregnancies following a miscarriage… there’s always hope ❤️

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hate the word miscarried/miscarriage but I lost my baby this weekend. I should have been 9 weeks but baby stoped growing at 5 weeks. I’ve known for the last week it is possible I wouldn’t have the journey I had wished for- but I held out hope. Over the weekend I woke up to the worse cramps and bleeding and knew it was happening. Today, I feel absolutely numb and lost. It’s been the longest week and I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I have to wait until next week for my scan to confirm I have passed everything and then I can shut this chapter.

I have PCOS and I have no idea whether or not my cycles will come back naturally or whether I’ll need to go back on my medication. The unknown is the worse. Having no control is killing me 💔

Hi so i’m really new to this and i have no idea if this is going to help or not but worth a shot…
Me and my partner were not trying for a baby but recently found out we were unexpectedly pregnant, ofcourse i was shocked but deep down i think i was more excited than anything as i have always known i want children and for some reason had it in my head that i couldn’t have them. So this news was definitely good for me. My partner however was not thrilled to begin with and said he wasn’t ready, so we discussed our options and ultimately i knew emotionally in myself i was going to continue this pregnancy. We had some midwives appointments and started early shopping, name picking, we were so excited to share this news..
Unfortunately i started bleeding and cramping, for days i went to a&e and out of hours GP telling them something wasn’t right and they led me to believe this was normal and everything was okay. A couple days later i passed a really big clot and what i believe was my sweet baby. I had a scan and they confirmed i had suffered a complete miscarriage and we had to grieve our baby at 11 weeks😢
It has been 6 weeks now and i still can’t go a day without crying. Me and my sister told my mother at the same time that we were pregnant, she was 3 weeks ahead of me. Now i can’t help but feel so jealous of her and that makes me feel selfish. I see babies, pregnant women etc around me everywhere at work and people announcing their pregnancies just has me distraught. I was maybe hoping for some advice how to move past this as i feel like i’m such a depressing soul to be around and i feel guilty that my partner has to live with me like this all the time it must be exhausting.
I would love to try for our sweet rainbow baby but my partner says how he wasn’t ready the first time he would like to wait to try. Which i know i have to respect his wishes but i’m just finding it so hard to accept that. I find in every moment i can be happy for a split second and then my mind travels and all i can think about is how this moment would be if i was still pregnant or if our baby was here… it’s like it’s just not enough for me anymore and i feel awful for feeling that way.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of feeling and how did you move past this please? I really don’t want to self destruct my relationship or myself.

I am so sorry this has happened. Please hold onto the fact that this is very common and most people go on to have normal pregnancies. I did.

You're not alone, OP. Going through the same thing right now.

It's okay to rest and take the time to recover, physically and in your heart. The numbness is such a strange feeling, isn't it? It's not what I expected to feel.

@sugarspices Thanks for recommending the Worst Girl Gang Ever on Instagram. Helpful advice and community. I really appreciated the resources from Tommy's as well.

Hope you both are feeling alright today. x

@SilverMoonNight I’m glad I’m not the only not the only one to feel the numbness. When you talk to people who hasn’t been in this position don’t understand it. It’s been 3 weeks for me and yet I still feel numb, alone and have this cloud following me. I wake up every day wondering when will this feeling disappear!

I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks.

Very sad and also I felt so disappointed as the whole family was excited.

I went on to have 3 successful pregnancies

Take care of yourself.

@Fjames90 I totally agree. It's hard for people to understand. I'm sorry you feel like that. I get days where I can't shake the cloud, too. Sometimes I try not paying attention to the cloud or worrying about it, and naturally over time I find it fades away a bit. It doesn't work every time, but there are times when I feel normal.

Hope today you have some moments of normalcy and peace. x

@SilverMoonNight I realised my previous message didn’t make much sense, but thank you for the reply 🤭

Thank you for your words. It’s nice to know we are all not alone. Today is a new day, and I have my brave face on ready to take on the day!
x

I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy, I now have 2 children both of whom were conceived easily.

It doesn’t seem like it when you’re in the depths and feeling alone, but miscarriage is very common. Roughly 1/4 of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, but at least 60% of first pregnancies end in miscarriage, a huge number. Almost all these women will go on to conceive no problem. It’s a shame we don’t talk about it more because it’s so normal, though I appreciate that doesn’t make it less painful.

You're absolutely not alone in this and there's no right or wrong way to feel. You grieve in the way YOU want to and for as long as you want to.
I had a missed miscarriage in October 2020 (discovered at 12 week scan) then fell pregnant in March 2021. Pregnancy was successful and I have a beautiful 18 month old DD.
My MIL also had a miscarriage before my ex was born and my ex's niece also had a miscarriage before her first DD was born. She's now pregnant with her second.

All the best and lots of baby dust for your own rainbow baby 🌈

You poor thing. Exact same happened to me in august, it was heart breaking. Really awful time. You have to let yourself grieve for what should have been and even now I still get tearful thinking back. Mine happened in work, started bleeding lightly then it got heavier and heavier and Like yourself it was confirmed with a scan. Such a sad thing to happen. I am 3 months pregnant now and so far so good. It took a little while to happen for us (I heard of people being super fertile after and getting pregnant nearly straight away ) but honestly at the start it was the last thing I wanted to even try I was so cut up by the loss. I’m so sorry this has happened to you now. There is hope for the future though, when you are ready to try again.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. I had a miscarriage at 3 months. It was horrendous, I was only young. I went on to have 3 subsequent ft pregnancies with no issues. I took the view that my first baby, for whatever reason, just wasn't to be.

@Fearless29 you are not alone. This was my first pregnancy which we unfortunately lost at 9+4. I was keeping myself busy for the first couple of weeks and now it’s hit me like a ton on bricks! Today would of been our 12 weeks scan. I can’t help feeling guilty and blaming myself. Even though you read and people tell you it’s not your fault. Hearing other peoples stories of their rainbow babies does give a glimmer of hope for the future even though that may seem a bit off yet!

you are not alone!